No relationships, PLEASE.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

There's this 'thing' about me.
Boy's get quite infatuated with me for some reason.
And i don't know how to get them
UN-infatuated with me.
They dont want to see that they're not in love with me,
they dont need me,
They dont love me.
I hurt all of them.
because I cant feel anything back for them stronge enough.
(i'm numb)
I can't 'love' them back.
I dont want to.
I'm not capable.
Because when i get into relationships,
i change.
I start to hate myself.
I get sad.
Then i make them sad because i'm sad.

I'm so scared
(of myself)

I'm so tired of minipulating everyone, and no one see's that i am, or what i'm doing.

(not as innocent as they think i am)

i want to love someone and have them not love me back, at all.
so i can see waht its like
(i want to get hurt, then i can feel something, anything)

i wish i could stop hurting people.
why do i always have to be the girl that the guys say to them:

'I've never felt this way about a gril before.'

stay away from me!!

GOD.
i'm finally getting used to life.
Finally starting to like myself,
then he goes and 'loves' me.
what the fuck does he think he's doing?
I DONT LOVE HIM.
when people want me it makes me want to kill myself.

[Octo22]

I tell women that are after me that I'm gay :/

Although if you say that in a school environment it could backfire.

Just let them know "look, I'm not interested in the whole dating thing, it's too boring / childish"

[RaisingSand]

Wow ... that doesn't sound too good. :( Maybe you could try explaining to the guys a bit how you feel and that you don't want a relationship? :/

[Fiending_the_freedom]

i try but it doesnt work.
i'm "different" than the other girls they've liked
it's always me.
i figure,
i like guys liek a year older than me,
and they're in this phase in life that they 'NEED' a girlfriend.
and i'm just not at that phase where i can want to spend all my time with one person.
ugh. no i'm lieing i think that was just a b.s excuse for myself
i'm not sure what i'm scared of in relationships but i am,
because i start hating myself once i'm in one, and i get sad and hate life.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Jeez this makes everything look like such a big deal. They're just petty High School relationships. Who's ever heard of (hardly any of) them lasting! I just don't understand... be a kid while you're still a KID!

[Fiending_the_freedom]

lol i was saying the EXACT same thing last night.
but puppy love is a stronge thing,
and its hard not beign able to have that,
becuase i never have.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Well I haven't had puppy love either,
So there's one thing we have in common.

[Underground_Network]

Arf Arf!... Now that that's out of my system.... You just have to wait. I'm sure the right guy will come along some time, and if you ever feel uncomfortable around a guy, tell him, I'm sure if he truly loves you, he'll back off. Most guys will do anything for someone they love, if they know that they're hurting you, most of them (those that truly love you), should end up backing away. Love can be tough, I too have never had "puppy love", but still, you just have to wait, that guy you're looking for will come along. Patience is a virtue, its something I lack, but everyone else seems to have, just go with the flow. Love and life are full of strife, if hurting the guys that like you hurts you back, then aren't you feeling something? I think the right guy will come along eventually.... I'm seriously not sure what I just said (I think I suffer from short-term memory loss... Wait, what'd I just type?...) Anyways, I hope I'm of help, if not, I still hope you feel better and find a guy that you truly like.