My Mother’s Guilt Trips

[Cachorra]

My mother constantly tries to guilt trip me :mad: . Some of them are trivial, and I simply brush them off and then some hit home hard. She wants to lose weight, but whenever confronted with ways and activities she can go about doing so she complains that no one is there to help her, that she has no one to walk with in the evening or nobody to help her with her diet. She frequently tells my older sister that she can’t go on a diet because she has no moral support. Then I get guilty because we live alone, (just my mom and I) with no relatively close neighbors or friends, so it’s obvious she wants me to help her, although I don’t have the time to do so. I have to juggle being the top of my year group and maintaining a 4.0 GPA, AP's, executive positions in 3 clubs, school debating team, helping the guidance department, college applications, SAT and SAT subject, volunteer service, new puppy (that’s a stray, so I constantly have to pay it attention so he doesn’t run away) and I’m fighting what I think is depression. Then I feel bad that I’d put all those things over my own mother and I’m being too selfish, so I offered to walk with her for 5 minutes in the evenings- only to have her turn down my offer saying “That’s not enough time and I won’t even stick with it anyways” Then she gets angry when I nap in the evenings and I could walk with her then, but I nap to relieve stress after a long grueling day. My day is so stressful just making a To-Do list gets me exhausted because I have to think of what to do, what time to do it, what are my top priorities. I don’t even have time for hobbies like reading or drawing. I don’t even read the news anymore and I’ve always wanted to take a speed reading, vocabulary and spelling course.
Then she’ll get worse (a few months back she fainted in public and a stranger had to attend to her) and every time she goes out to the supermarket, if I don’t come she’ll make snide remarks like “Well if I collapse today I hope you’ll be happy” and literally breaks me down and I feel like a god-awful child. I don’t ask for much from her, I barely have any friends and were not even that close so I never get calls or random texts and I’m so busy – Why would she do this?
Or am I just over reacting/being to emotional? Is she just lonely and wants my company? She tells me she’s proud of me. I guess I’m smart- just not wise or socially inclined so I don’t know what to do.
I know my work load isnt exactly healthy, but it makes me feel acomplished and its just one more year, afterwards i'm off to college and i plan to live a little lol. Hopefully I get into one of my choices (Yale, Middleberry, Cornell, Amherst and some others) and then I plan to take back up piano (I quit this year after 4 years of piano) and a society like UN etc.

[Gandalf]

No this seems perfectly understandable, you seem to make a good effort to help her and you still need to keep up your school work and extra curricular activities (which are very impressive :) )

I think your mum should give you a bit of a break. Is there nobody else that could help her so you get a little bit more of a chance to rest and unwind?

I think you've been as supportive as you can and everybody has a breaking point. How about just asking for a tiny break from your extra curicular activities, if you tell your school your situation they may be willing to be more flexible with your workload.

Hope I've helped. :)

[FreeFall]

No. No, no, no. This boils my blood and I cannot stand when parents feel like their children are their emotional crutch.

You are NOT your mother's crutch, you are her child. If she wants to lose weight, that's on her. She does not need her child by her side for every second of it to "stick with it." Do you see she's placing the blame elsewhere?

Instead of actually being able to look at herself and say "Maybe I need better will power and determination and the drive to get my self in shape" she's pulling a "woe is little old me! No one will hold my hand to tell me I'm such a good girl and help me lose the weight. Waaah why oh why is my life so unfortunate?" As nice as it is to have a weight loss buddy, I'm assuming that it's nice, it's not a necessity.
You were being very generous in offering to walk with your mother. You gave her an option, she shot it down because it wasn't on her terms ,her way or the highway. You've got so much on your plate, much more that takes precedence over your mother's lack of will-power.
It sucks she fainted but that's not your fault. And frankly I'm shaking my head she had the nerve to tell you "if I faint I hope you're happy". Like you're supposed to come running to her and cry as she pats your hand saying "see? This is why you should stay by my side." What happens when you move out or start your own family? "You should move back home so you can hand me a tissue when I sneeze?"
You are not overreacting, you're not being selfish or being over emotional. Your mom's just forgetting that her world isn't your's and you don't revolve around her, you're now a separate person that has their own agenda.

Just take a day to relax, a day to yourself to just lay on the floor and rest. You deserve it.