SAD (seasonal depression)

[Fiction]

Right, I think I may have SAD.

My mood seems to have all of a sudden dropped for no specific reason, but i'm feeling suicidal again and having days where I keep crying which I haven't had in months.

Looking at my history, the last two years I attempted suicide and was hospitalised on the 20th of January and the 7th of February and the year before that I began regularly self-harming in mid January. (symptoms of SAD are said to be worst in December, January and February).

I'm just wondering what you all think? :/ It all seems like a bit of a coinicidence.

[BeJared]

Here's what I do to dodge hurting myself. I suppress my feelings and make jokes, whatever I do, I always stay in a joyfull mood. This might be the result of my recent activity in the chat room, and why I was banned.... :/ But I have had the Hardest time dealing with my mom's death. 5 year's ago. Bus accident. Except I was with her on the bus. I think the hardest thing I have ever faced is realizing that she will never be with me again. Sometimes I feel like stabbing myself dead, just so I could be with her, but then again I don't really know if there's a heaven. But if there is I wouldn't know till I got there, and I don't want to hurt my dad by leaving him all alone with five other kids to raise. (me being the oldest). I burned all of my mom's pictures, gave away all of her diary pages (to my family of course), threatened my sibblings i would cut them all if they even so much as talked about it in front of me. The only place I can talk about it is here on VT, it seems, even though I have only been here two days. (and got in trouble with the mods - trying to fix that). But I used to cut myself all the time (just a few weeks ago), (I hate cutting but since my mom's..... anyway, it has been an issue.) but I promised my dad I wouldn't do it and am holding off for the time being.

[ImCoolBeans]

That sounds very possible to me, and seems to make a bit of sense too.
Are you seeing any type of counselor or therapist currently? If so, I think this is definitely something that you should bring up to him/her. Shoot me a message whenever you need, Kathy, I'm always more than willing to help a friend if I can. Be safe, talk soon x

[Fiction]

No i've not been seeing anyone since February now. I've never actually been in regular therapy despite 3 referrals. I'm thinking about going to my doctor about it but I'm pretty sure this will happen again and I alsodon't want to involve my mum again.

I'm thinking of waiting a year until I've moved out. I have much better support etc this year than I have in the past.