Friendzoned

[ilmb]

Hey forum,
So there is this girl i like, wait scratch that, there is this girl that I am madly in love with. We've been friends for about a year and a half and we go to the same school and in the same year level. Almost a year ago I started to like her more and started to have feelings for her. This was in December. In April this year I told my friends that I liked her and they've been supportive ever since. In May at the deb after party (I was pretty drunk) my friends told me to kiss her, so I tried but I pussied out at the last moment, twice (I really wanted to kiss her but I was scared of rejection). In June I told her that I liked her but she said she only sees me as a friend. In July she gets a boyfriend. In August we were talking on Facebook about how I like her and she told me that she also used to like me and she began to like me at the same time that I started to like her and she liked me for about three months. The worst thing that she told me was though is that if i did kiss her at the after party that she would of kissed me back and we would be going out, and because I didn't she's going out with this other guy. Now in September we are still really good friends (although i feel things are little awkward between us), but I feel that she may still have feelings for me because she asked to to the movies, I'm going over to her house in a few days and we're going to a concert in a couple of weeks, and a music festival in March next year. Also they way she has been talking to me feels as if she still has feelings. Me being confused by this, I text her when I was drunk saying that I still want us to be more than friends and i hope her feelings can be rekindled towards me, and that I don't expect her to break it off with her boyfriend, but I would like a chance after him. Her reply confuses me as she said that she wants to give me a chance after her boyfriend but she doesn't see them breaking up anytime soon, but she also said she doesn't have feelings for me anymore, I don't know how that works. I don't know what to do because she means everything to me and I love her more than anything, but she's leading me on even though she says she doesn't have feelings for me anymore but she wants to give me a chance after her boyfriend. This is really tearing me up inside, I find myself crying myself to sleep every few nights because I love her so much but she doesn't anymore. Any advice will be appreciated

[ImCoolBeans]

I know how that feels and I'm sorry that you have to go through this. The friend-zone is a tough place to be because you want to be more than just friends; but there is something blocking you from achieving what you want. If she doesn't want to be more than friends then unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it - but if you think that there is a shot then I would say go for it. You won't ever get what you want if you don't ask for it - just don't be disrespectful of her current relationship. If you respect the fact that she has a boyfriend and if you respect his part in their relationship then you might get a little further than if you did not consider him at all.

The hardest part about being in love is the feelings you can have for somebody who might not feel the same way back. If the girl doesn't have a mutual feeling then often times you are going to get hurt in the end - but in this case she has confessed feelings to you in the past and has told you that dating wouldn't be out of the question - so I don't think that this is a hopeless love. I think you should give it one last effort and tell her exactly how you feel about her. If she feels any sort of feeling for you still (even if she won't admit it) then it will resinate with her and it will make her think. If she starts to think about it then you have more of a chance; but keep in mind that you cannot force her to date you if it turns out that she chooses to stay with her current boyfriend.

If she does not want to date you then you'll need to move on. Your first big love as a teenager is always the hardest to get over; but the best way to move on is to try and find somebody new. As impossible as it may seem, it is something that often needs to be done. As a teen (going through puberty still) your hormones are a mess. Your hormone levels are always unbalanced and this causes your emotions to be more extreme than they normally would be - heightening and intensifying the feeling of love - even making it feel or appear to feel stronger than it actually is. If you move on with your life and find somebody else you may realize that what you feel for this girl is not the optimum feeling of love that you'll ever feel and that in fact you are much happier.

I hope you figure everything out, whether you two get back together or you move on from her. Best of luck, buddy.

[Dawn01]

Hey, your situation is really complicated :/ But really, in my opinion, you should respect the fact that she has a boyfriend, and you should put yourself in his place: He must love her a lot too! I think you should give her some time, it would be good for you, and you should also try to meet someone new, as the guy above me said. And don't expect her to break up with her boyfriend, because it can happen or not.

Ok, you can talk to her about your feelings, but take care, don't force her to choose you or her boyfriend, and remember that if she is still with her boyfriend, she must love him. Just keep calm, if it's supposed to be, it will be, if not, it just wasn't supposed to be and maybe you are about to meet someone as amazing as her :)

Best luck! ^^

[FreeFall]

I agree, respect that she has a boyfriend and has moved on from you. It's sad, but that hurt will go away and you'll feel better.

What I think she means is that she is in fact over you, she's really into her boyfriend, but if things were to go wrong with them that she may give you a chance, probably that the feeling were there before so maybe they'll return. I have no idea how to not make it sound so...er, but you're basically going to be either a back up or a rebound if the feelings aren't sincere from her.

I'm sorry but I think it's probably for the better you stop making her aware you like her, she's in a relationship so it's rude, and it doesn't help you move on from her. Please don't hang on to hope that they break up and you move in, it's not good for you or her.

[ilmb]

Thanks guys. I have told her that I respect that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore and that I respect that she has a boyfriend that isn't me, but I think that if she had a choice between me and her boyfriend before they got together she would of chose me, but she didn't know that I had feelings for her, they only came out after she was trying for him.

I have tried to move on, several times, but I just can't do it because I love her that much, and Murphy's law will say that after I move on and start liking someone else, she will become single. I am a pretty shy guy so finding other girls out there would be difficult for me, and finding one that I can talk to and can relate to as much as the girl that I do like will be difficult.

[FreeFall]

Wait. You didn't tell her "I think that if she had a choice between me and boyfriend before they got together she would of chose me, but she didn't know that I had feelings for her, they only came out after she was trying for her him." Did you? She doesn't know you think that, does she?

Murphey's Law? Isn't that something like "what can go wrong, will"? How will you moving on be wrong? Some relationships end, regardless if you date a new girl or not, some don't. So what point is there in, forgive me, being creepy and waiting for her to be single? What if this relationship works out and they're miraculously highschool sweethearts with a baby on the way? What good was it to you to have spent your teenage years waiting, and waiting only to sit in the audience as they say their vows? I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just worried for you hun.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's an oddly romantic sentiment to wait for the one you like, it gives me warm fuzzies you're dedicated and caring. But I've got this image of you hanging out in the mall, see her and her boyfriend randomly pass by, and just pine after her, and hope so desperately that their happiness ends soon for your own benefit.

I just don't want you to hurt yourself, you seem like such a good guy, a great guy. Don't waste what so many girls want on time you're playing a 50-50 shot of getting, when it's currently at 0. Shyness be damned, don't let it hinder you a happy life and exploration.

[ilmb]

She pretty much told me that she preferred me, but went for the other guy because she didn't know that I liked her. She told me that if she wasn't with her boyfriend she swears she would be with me.

For the year that I have liked her, she has been with three guys now, and the first two were 2-3 month relationships. All the guys shes gone out with are tools and she deserves better. She can see that I am a nice guy, and she pretty much told me that she wants to give me a chance after her boyfriend.

It might sound creepy, but I reckon she is the perfect girl for me. We love the same music, we have the same sense of humor, I reckon she is beautiful, she reckons I'm cute and we have similar career aspirations. I can't just simply let her go from my feelings.

[braydon123]

She pretty much told me that she preferred me, but went for the other guy because she didn't know that I liked her. She told me that if she wasn't with her boyfriend she swears she would be with me.

For the year that I have liked her, she has been with three guys now, and the first two were 2-3 month relationships. All the guys shes gone out with are tools and she deserves better. She can see that I am a nice guy, and she pretty much told me that she wants to give me a chance after her boyfriend.

It might sound creepy, but I reckon she is the perfect girl for me. We love the same music, we have the same sense of humor, I reckon she is beautiful, she reckons I'm cute and we have similar career aspirations. I can't just simply let her go from my feelings.

My situation is almost identical, I have decided to wait it out because her current boyfriend is just an infatuation (she likes Ed Sheeran and dated a ginger because Ed Sheeran is a ginger).

[ilmb]

My situation is almost identical, I have decided to wait it out because her current boyfriend is just an infatuation (she likes Ed Sheeran and dated a ginger because Ed Sheeran is a ginger).
Good to see I'm not the only one :P. Don't worry man, I doubt that that one will last long. I'm going to just be patient and wait it out, I just can't let her go

[braydon123]

Good to see I'm not the only one :P. Don't worry man, I doubt that that one will last long. I'm going to just be patient and wait it out, I just can't let her go

I know exactly how you feel, tough to sit through classes at school/sleep without thinking of her and what could/should have been.

[ilmb]

I know exactly how you feel, tough to sit through classes at school/sleep without thinking of her and what could/should have been.
Every day, every night, every time I see her, every time I hear of her, every time I just hear her name (even if it isn't her), every love song on the radio, I think of what I was so close to having. If only I had of kissed her at that party...

[braydon123]

Every day, every night, every time I see her, every time I hear of her, every time I just hear her name (even if it isn't her), every love song on the radio, I think of what I was so close to having. If only I had of kissed her at that party...

Well, I got good news today, she is not having the same feelings for the person that she is dating so we'll see where it goes. I'm the same way, can't go a few minutes without thinking of her.

[ilmb]

Well, I got good news today, she is not having the same feelings for the person that she is dating so we'll see where it goes. I'm the same way, can't go a few minutes without thinking of her.

Good luck with that man :) I wish I had the same luck

[braydon123]

I'm sure you will get what you want eventually.

[West Coast Sheriff]

I'd suggest you move on from her before you get hurt. I'm depressed from that damn friend zone. It sucks not being with someone you love but they dont feel the same for you. I'm where you're at and I've been depressed. Dont let it get you down or bring you down like my friend did me.

[ilmb]

But the thing is, I know that she used to like me, and she preferred me to her boyfriend before they got together. She just went for him because she didn't know that I liked her. She says she doesn't have feelings for me anymore, but I somehow know, deep down inside she still has, I just don't want to pressure her and make things awkward between us

[braydon123]

But the thing is, I know that she used to like me, and she preferred me to her boyfriend before they got together. She just went for him because she didn't know that I liked her. She says she doesn't have feelings for me anymore, but I somehow know, deep down inside she still has, I just don't want to pressure her and make things awkward between us

The likelihood is that her relationship won't last long when she likes you over him, just don't try to force them out of a relationship like you said.

[ilmb]

The likelihood is that her relationship won't last long when she likes you over him, just don't try to force them out of a relationship like you said.
Yeah, that's what I'm *trying* to do, but I am letting her know that I still do like her, just *trying* not to push it too far and make the situation worse. I hope all goes well for you. If it doesn't work maybe try dying your hair ginger :P

[braydon123]

Yeah, that's what I'm *trying* to do, but I am letting her know that I still do like her, just *trying* not to push it too far and make the situation worse. I hope all goes well for you. If it doesn't work maybe try dying your hair ginger :P

Ahahah yea maybe :P