Why do people self-harm?

[xxaqidahxx]

Hey guys, I'm just trying to find out more information for my college presentation. So hopefully you would be willing to share some of your stories. :) I will listen and not judge.

So this question has been on my mind for quite some time. Why do people really self-harm, is it because they want to gain attention from others? Or is it a good mechanism to deal with stres?

I'm open for anyone to say anything on this forum.

[hayleef]

Im also doing this project and was wondering the same thing.

[maramara]

Hm, this is an tough question. I think everybody has their personal reason for self harming. For me, it just takes my mind off everything else. The pain inside becomes pain outside, and I can focus on it like a white ball of heat and close my eyes to the rest of the world. It hurts, and the hurt reminds me that I'm still alive. I'm not just a shell filled with dispair. I am human. I can still bleed.

[xxaqidahxx]

If you dont mind me asking, when was the first time you did it? and what caused you to self-harm? And i think i understand, like you just want to have a greater pain than the pain inside, so the physical pain you inflicted on yourself kinda removes the pain your feeling inside.

[maramara]

I started self harming when I was about 12. My mom was constantly drinking and was so sucked into her own disease that she had no time for me. My father had just died, we had moved to a new city, and my stepfather was abusive and cruel. I had been raped a few years prior, and hadn't told anybody. My depression was eating me alive. I was bullied and had no friends at school, and nothing but injuring myself could take me out of that low, low place. I didn't feel real, and the pain was a blissful reminder.

[xxaqidahxx]

Since then, have you told anyone about it? Like any of your family members or peers/teachers? If so what have they said?
Wow, youve had alot of stressers to kinda put you in that situation. I appreciate you telling this btw :) And if there are any questions that I asked that you dont feel comfortable in answering then I will understand :)

[Desuetude]

As Mara said there are many causes of self-harm. Some people want attention and to go along with the 'trend' which is what gives the people who self harm such a bad name - stereotyped as emo. Others use it as a way to deal with stress, emotional pain, punishment towards themself. You really cannot define the causes of self harm because everyone will have different reasons as to why they started and why they might carry on.

I personally use it to deal with stress, emotional pain and as self punishment. The pain it brings is just such a release, it clears my head somewhat because sometimes I get so overwhelmed with thoughts and just things spinning round in my head I don't know how to cope. That's what it is, a coping mechanism. The self punishment side of things I won't really go into, it's just when you feel like you're not good enough, when people tell you you're not. I guess you just feel like you deserve the pain that you bring to others. It's all confusing and probably very contradictory. Yeah, I guess that's mostly the outline of things.

[xDarkAngelx]

Some people want attention and to go along with the 'trend' which is what gives the people who self harm such a bad name - stereotyped as emo.

I think that this should be a strong point to make in your presentation to be honest.

For me there are and have been a lot of reasons why I self harm. I use it when I get stressed over different things. I use it as a punishment a lot of the time as I feel I deserve it. Also it tends to help sometimes with my depression. Only reasons I can think of at the moment.

Self harming is a coping mechanism and helps to calm me down and allows me to take my mind of things for a period of time. But it does lead to an addiction.

[pullingmussels]

Self harm has always been a touchy subject. I know someone who has done it for attention, and I know people (like myself) who do it due to depression/bipolar disorder.
Personally, for me the physical pain of self harming is a lot easier to take than whatever mental pain I'm feeling at the time. Although, it is only a quick fix and doesn't do you any good in the long run. But, even that momentary relief is better than nothing.

[Noirtier]

I use self harm as a coping mechanism, a way to handle stress and the pain in my life. I do it partially to punish myself too, but at this point in time it's become much more of a coping mechanism for me. It's what makes me feel human again, the only thing that takes away the numbness. And in all honesty, it's an addiction. I don't do it to get attention, I actually do everything I can to try and hide the fact that I do it. I wouldn't say it's a GOOD mechanism to deal with stress, but it's an effective one for many who do it. If someone wanted to start, I would be the first one to try and convince them not to, however, because I know it's addictive and am struggling out of the addiction myself.

[that-god-chick]

for me its a way to cope with everything... because it puts the inside pain onto the outside...

xxaqidahxx if u dont mind me asking what r u studying that u will have to do something on selfharm...

[edsheeran]

I did it because it was the only way to release pain. It made me calm and happy. It became an addiction. I liked seeing scars on my body. It was the only way to feel something and get a natural high.

[xXJust Jump ItXx]

Basically... It varies for everyone... Me it was to just feel something and not be just depressed, in pain, hurt and feeling like Im just dead. Its just a way to cope really...

[CyanideGoodnight]

Started out as a self punishment mechanism/control mechanism.

Evolved into a coping mechanism for everything, but was more or less always for control.

Started March 19, 2009.

[edsheeran]

sorry didnt mean to post

[West Coast Sheriff]

MyOblivion
Re: Why do people self-harm?

I personally use it to deal with stress, emotional pain and as self punishment. The pain it brings is just such a release, it clears my head somewhat because sometimes I get so overwhelmed with thoughts and just things spinning round in my head I don't know how to cope. That's what it is, a coping mechanism.


I'm gonna steal her words they fit my situation. And it just clears out my mind. Takes away the stress.

[xxaqidahxx]

Thank you to everyone who has replied back to my question. I'm understanding more now, but I've seen alot of people saying they do it bcos of self punishment. Do you guys think you can explain more. Do you mean like, yous do it bcos you think your not good enough ? And aswell have you ever gotten help or talked to anyone about it outside of this community that your in right now?

And that-god-chick : I am studying social science right now and its a project for my contemporary issue class. We needed to pick a contemporary issue and we decided to pick self-harming cos even though theres lots of info online, no one ever really talks bout it ya know? :)

[Desuetude]

Thank you to everyone who has replied back to my question. I'm understanding more now, but I've seen alot of people saying they do it bcos of self punishment. Do you guys think you can explain more. Do you mean like, yous do it bcos you think your not good enough ? And aswell have you ever gotten help or talked to anyone about it outside of this community that your in right now?
Glad you're understanding more I guess, although unless you're in the situation I don't think anyone can ever understand completely.

Self punishment for me is just me not being good enough, so I hurt myself. When I get something wrong or make a fool of myself, or if someone hurts me in some way emotionally (through words) I might turn to self harm because it's easier to deal with and like I said before, clears my mind. Self hatred also comes into it, when you despise everything about yourself, the pain feels deserved.

I got referred to a youth worker at my school and i opened up to her about it. She doesn't really talk about why I do it. She just checks I'm being 'safe' and hygienic about it, I have to lie to her because I'm not at all bothered about cleaning things and whatever. I also told 2 of my friends, one of them tries to avoid the subject altogether and doesn't understand at all and the other has a twin who self harms and has thought about it herself so she understands a lot better. Overall my friends aren't all that supportive of my situation but I think that's mostly due to a lack of understanding.

My parents found out I self harm because of bloody tissues and finding a few blades because I'm so fucking stupid lol. They were patronising and it took a few cringey awkward conversations before they left me alone from it. I told them I wasn't addicted and I hadn't cut very deep, that I would stop. So hopefully they won't bring that up again.

[CyanideGoodnight]

When it was self punishment it was because I hated myself and thought I deserved the pain.

I used to be horribly suicidal. It wasn't connected with cutting though. Yes, cutting was my "coping mechanism" of choice but it's often a misconception that cutters are suicidal, and that suicidal people are cutters. They weren't connected. I was because I hated every single ounce of myself. I wanted to die, I thought I couldn't take all the shit that was being thrown at me every single day.

I told my friends. All of them know, and they celebrate with me when the monthy anniversary of no cutting happens.

It was a release for me. A pure release. It became my private ritual. I loved it. I couldn't get enough. Soon it overtook me and enveloped me completely.

Getting out of the point where I was cutting every day was one of the hardest things I've had to do. It's not a good thing to get into and it's so hard to get out. Even now S.H. is still my last resort.

[Fiction]

http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1953202&postcount=7

What I said here :)

Also in terms of your question it is not a "good" way too cope because in my experience you end up worse than you where when you first started cutting. It provides temporary relief, which at the time is exactly what you need. But it causes so many problems such as the fear of being found out, and having to wear long sleeves all the time. It makes you worse.

Also in terms of wanting too gain attention from others, this is something I can't figure out. I suppose in some ways it's a physical display of your pain, and a way too ask for help. I hid my cuts but at the same time I think a part of me wanted help, but was way too scared too ask for it. Maybe in a way my cuts where a way too prove the pain was real to myself, and that it wasn't something i'd made up.

Self-harm is something even the people who do it, and have lived with it for years can't quite understand.

[struggling]

i do it because at least when i cut i can pin point where the pain is coming from and why it is there without having to bring up stuff that i work so hard to push away

[Jalinta]

I guess that everybody has their own reasons for self harming. I started recently, I'd been contemplating it for a while but was never able to do it. When I first startde thinking about it, it was because I was feeling lonely and isolated, I was very distant to my parents we didn't get along well at all for a long time and even now I still don't get along with them great.
I guess my main reason for it now is because I get angry and I feel guilty about a lot of things.
I went on a month long exchange and while I was there I fooled around with a guy who doesn't really speak to me anymore. My Nana, who was like my best friend also died from cancer while I was there, and I didn't speak to her the whole time I was away. So I guess I feel really guilty about not showing I cared about her as much as I actually did and wasting my time on the guy instead.
So for me I guess it's a form of self-punishment. I like it when it hurts because I feel like I deserve any pain I get.
My two best friends have also been kind of distant lately and one them's been fighting with another of my friends, it seems stupid but it stresses me a bit and makes me upset, so self harming makes me feel a bit better, or calmer.
I still don't really get along with my parents, especially my dad, and when we fight I get angry and upset and cutting helps me calm down a bit.
So in all for me it's a mixture of helping ease sadness and stress and self punishment for bad things I do. If I have a day of bad eating or something I also cut, so I guess it's mainly out of anger at myself and also occassionally others.

[Haunted]

Kryptonite wrote a great thread about this. Is posted at the top of this forum "common misconceptions about self harm" or something like that. By the way I cut because I hate myself.

[Laci.Denise]

I started self harming when I was elevan or twelve. First it was something to release me from the pain of being the 'black sheep' in my family. Then, as it went in, I learned it released endorphins into the blood stream, and enough endorphins could give you a fakey high. It left me numb after wards, and I could sleep like a baby. I loved the feeling.

I know people who did it for attention, and it made me feel dirty. Like if someone found out, I'd be put in the same boat as the attention seekers.

[xXJamXx]

I cut to release intense emotions, specifically due to a mood disorder.

[XxAssasiNxX]

A lot of people do it for attention and some people even pretend to do it for shits and giggles because they think its funny and they don't understand. The stereotype- emo. Everywone has their own reasons for cutting but the main reason (I think) would be to take your mind off everything else. I've never cut so I really don't know everything about it but I've had friends who have cut plus reading other people's posts on vts experience with cutting.