Just want your opinions

[teenmanchester]

So basically my mum's getting married soon to a great guy after my dad died a few years ago, and everythings been fine. Of course I kept some of my dad's stuff obviously as reminders, aftershaves, pictures etc. So one day I took my dad's work jacket out of my 'memory' box, still has his smell (know that sounds weird but those who have lost someone may get that) and to just be reminded of stuff and I left it out. A few months ago I asked my mum where it had gone and she said that she had given it to my soon to be stepdad! He had worn it all day so by the time she had told me it wasn't like it was in the same 'condition' as before. I just said it was ok because it was too late to really have it in the same way. Been quite warm though so its rarely been worn by him but he just wore it tonight and its brought the whole thing back :/ so I was just wondering what your opinions are, should I of said something, should my mum have given it away without consulting me first, should my stepdad have chosen not to wear it? Thanks guys.

[Noirtier]

In all honesty, I see why you're upset. But I think your mom and stepdad honestly didn't know how much that jacket meant to you in the condition it was in. In your mom's eyes, the jacket was something that was her former husband's before he passed away, and something that meant a lot to her and was representative of your father to her. She didn't realize that jacket meant the same thing to you in the condition it was in. Her choice to give it to your stepdad was an act of love for him on her part, giving him an item that meant so much to her and belonged to someone who meant the world to her while he was still here. And your stepdad viewed it in the same way, and as such wore it. You saying it was ok may have avoided conflict, but I think you should have at least let your mom know how you felt about it--that the jacket meant a lot to you and was one of the things that really reminded you of your dad. In her mind, she was giving away something that was hers to do so with, because she didn't realize what it meant to you. I think you should still tell your mom that it was really hard for you to learn that she had given the jacket to your stepdad because of how much it meant to you, and I'm almost certain she will understand exactly what you mean. That's not going to return the jacket to its former condition, obviously, but it's something that your mom would want to know and be more than willing to talk to you about.

[teenmanchester]

In all honesty, I see why you're upset. But I think your mom and stepdad honestly didn't know how much that jacket meant to you in the condition it was in. In your mom's eyes, the jacket was something that was her former husband's before he passed away, and something that meant a lot to her and was representative of your father to her. She didn't realize that jacket meant the same thing to you in the condition it was in. Her choice to give it to your stepdad was an act of love for him on her part, giving him an item that meant so much to her and belonged to someone who meant the world to her while he was still here. And your stepdad viewed it in the same way, and as such wore it. You saying it was ok may have avoided conflict, but I think you should have at least let your mom know how you felt about it--that the jacket meant a lot to you and was one of the things that really reminded you of your dad. In her mind, she was giving away something that was hers to do so with, because she didn't realize what it meant to you. I think you should still tell your mom that it was really hard for you to learn that she had given the jacket to your stepdad because of how much it meant to you, and I'm almost certain she will understand exactly what you mean. That's not going to return the jacket to its former condition, obviously, but it's something that your mom would want to know and be more than willing to talk to you about.

thanks mate, me and my mum are close and we've always been open about most things but i think at the time and tonight if i would have told her i'd probably say it very angrily because of how i felt and just because neither of them have any idea of how that made me feel, probably will say something soon but their weddings on thursday so i don't really wanna make my mum more emotional at the moment!

[Stronger]

Well I'm glad you don't want to add on stress to her, but did she know, you kept the jacket, in the box, for his memory? She may have just thought in the moment, let me see if [insert step father here] Might want it. Maybe in a few weeks after the wedding you could possibley tell her your feelings in a calming way, so she understands. I know this may sound odd, but is there anyway to over look him wearing, I mean its not like he say ripped it, so spilled whatever on it, you can still look at it, as your dads jacket, and don't forget you still have the other items of his as well.

[FreeFall]

Sweetie, the only thing that changed about the jacket is the scent, the memories are forever there, that jacket will forever have been your dad's. I'm sorry though, your mom should've asked you. I agree with Nortier on all they've said, it's very sweet of you to consider your mom before her wedding. Maybe after it, after everyone's settled into a routine, sit both of them down with the jacket and politely say that this jacket means so much to you. Let your stepdad know you accept him and are happy he loves your mother, let your mother know she's given you a great stepdad. That jacket is your little memento but the love of the past owner is in both you and your mother. See what you guys think should happen, you keep the jacket, or you and your mom give it to your stepdad as a token of love. Good luck (:

[West Coast Sheriff]

I'd really be upset by this. I really think she should have asked you first. Sorry this is all I have to say.

I'm not a man of many words.

[teenmanchester]

Thanks for your replies, I think until I do speak to her about it, I can't overlook him wearing it and it'll just get me angry again. She did know that the jacket was kept in the box, it was just confusing because I didn't know why, she did say it was too big for me and that it might aswell be used, but i've hardly seen him wear it and if I did I probably would of blown my top off! Just have to talk after the wedding.

[Lost in the Echo]

I can understand why you would be pissed, that was something sacred to you and the smell of your dad on the coat helped to remind you of him. You should definitely tell your mom how you felt about that.