Sighhh, I really don't like myself

[SuperSuraj]

So idk where to start, this is probably going to be really long so if you don't feel like reading this, it's okay, I understand. I just need to get this out there. Before I start I just want to make it clear that I'm not fishing for compliments-- they do nothing for my self esteem anyway...

Anyways, I've decided that I hate myself. Not to the point of suicide, I would never do something like that, just to the point of having zero self esteem. I really don't know where to start.. I can't look in a mirror because I hate looking at myself, being naked is something I dread which means showering and changing clothes has become a struggle to want to do. I'm crazy skinny, which I guess is a good thing, but I feel fat not to the point of starving myself, I love food too much to even consider that and I love that I don't gain weight, but I just keep looking at my stomach and it makes me want to throw up. Then there's my face... something that I have never been able to enjoy looking at. Then there's my penis, I don't even know how to phrase this carefully, I just plain don't like it. It's gotten to the point where getting horny or thinking anything sexual disgusts me because then I remember what I have... my sex drive is at an absolute zero, as a 17 year old boy, that is mind boggling to me. I could just keep going down my body and point out everything I don't like but this would become too long.

Basically, I know I'm depressed. These feelings happen in waves and they always come back once I start to love myself again. I just don't even know what to do with myself. I don't even know what kind of responses I'm expecting, I'm not really expecting much, I just wanted to get my feelings out somewhere... I just really don't like myself, physically and emotionally.

If they're any typos, sorry, I don't have the drive to check ha :/

[emanual]

wow you probably arents as bad as you say you are, i mean i dont really like you now because i dont know you but i could probovly like you maybe i think. :):)

[Noirtier]

Hun, I know how it is to feel that way. A lot of us here on VT do. The first thing I want you to know is that we are all here to help and support each other, and we will always be here for you. That being said, your self esteem is at a low right now. I've been there, and I'm still there in a lot of ways--hating myself both physically and emotionally, and not being able to stand anything about myself. It's hard, I know. I got lucky and have had some people--mainly through VT--to help me through it and help me recover. I'm still in the process of recovering, but I'm better than I used to be. Instead of focusing on everything you hate about yourself, pick one thing--just ONE thing--that you don't hate and focus on that. Shift your focus on others, and helping them, and see if that helps your self esteem any. Talk to the people you love about it, and trust them when they say the good things about you--even if you don't believe them yourself, you have to trust them. It's hard as hell, and it hurts a lot, but YOU have to take those steps to recovery hun. It took me a long time to take those steps, but now I finally have. I don't hate myself near as much as I did a few months ago, although I couldn't have done it without the help of certain others. There are people who are here to help you, and who are in your life outside of VT who will help you too. If you ever need anything, please feel free to contact me, and I know there are plenty of other people here who would be more than willing to talk too.

[SuperSuraj]

wow you probably arents as bad as you say you are, i mean i dont really like you now because i dont know you but i could probovly like you maybe i think. :):)


Thank you (:

Hun, I know how it is to feel that way. A lot of us here on VT do. The first thing I want you to know is that we are all here to help and support each other, and we will always be here for you. That being said, your self esteem is at a low right now. I've been there, and I'm still there in a lot of ways--hating myself both physically and emotionally, and not being able to stand anything about myself. It's hard, I know. I got lucky and have had some people--mainly through VT--to help me through it and help me recover. I'm still in the process of recovering, but I'm better than I used to be. Instead of focusing on everything you hate about yourself, pick one thing--just ONE thing--that you don't hate and focus on that. Shift your focus on others, and helping them, and see if that helps your self esteem any. Talk to the people you love about it, and trust them when they say the good things about you--even if you don't believe them yourself, you have to trust them. It's hard as hell, and it hurts a lot, but YOU have to take those steps to recovery hun. It took me a long time to take those steps, but now I finally have. I don't hate myself near as much as I did a few months ago, although I couldn't have done it without the help of certain others. There are people who are here to help you, and who are in your life outside of VT who will help you too. If you ever need anything, please feel free to contact me, and I know there are plenty of other people here who would be more than willing to talk too.

Thank you lots. It does actually mean a lot. I'm actually going to a therapist soon for a different problem (lololol I'm full of problems at the moment) but I figured I might as well bring this up too, maybe I can use what I learn from them to help others. Thank you again (:

As Clint said there are lots of people who are in the same boat as you and who understand what you are going through. If you would like someone to talk to at any point, myself, Clint and many others are just a click away :)

I currently also hate myself. I hate what's inside more than the outside. But i started to like my body more now, and i've gotten to the point i have acctually put a picture of myself as my avatar ^^ I wouldnt have been able to do this before as i hate seeing myself.

PM me anytime, I'm online most nights (UK time), even if i can't help you i will listen, just so you can get something off your chest.

Hugs

Alice

Thank you so much (: I've gone through the hating myself on the inside too, I had help to make that go away and I don't know why but I haven't hated myself on the inside since. It just seems that my outside is my biggest disappointment. Thanks again, though (:

[Silver Assassin]

Hun, I know how it is to feel that way. A lot of us here on VT do. The first thing I want you to know is that we are all here to help and support each other, and we will always be here for you. That being said, your self esteem is at a low right now. I've been there, and I'm still there in a lot of ways--hating myself both physically and emotionally, and not being able to stand anything about myself. It's hard, I know. I got lucky and have had some people--mainly through VT--to help me through it and help me recover. I'm still in the process of recovering, but I'm better than I used to be. Instead of focusing on everything you hate about yourself, pick one thing--just ONE thing--that you don't hate and focus on that. Shift your focus on others, and helping them, and see if that helps your self esteem any. Talk to the people you love about it, and trust them when they say the good things about you--even if you don't believe them yourself, you have to trust them. It's hard as hell, and it hurts a lot, but YOU have to take those steps to recovery hun. It took me a long time to take those steps, but now I finally have. I don't hate myself near as much as I did a few months ago, although I couldn't have done it without the help of certain others. There are people who are here to help you, and who are in your life outside of VT who will help you too. If you ever need anything, please feel free to contact me, and I know there are plenty of other people here who would be more than willing to talk too.
What he said

[Haunted]

Look, sir, I don't mean to be rude or hurt you but if you think you are super skinny how can you also think you are fat? You're not fat. Cross that off your worries and focus on becoming happy again. I hate myself too but I love my artistic inclination. It's how I express my hate. Find something you like about yourself and love it to death. While I'm drawing, painting, playing piano/violin I forget-for a moment-the rest of my horrid self. Find a way you can do the same, whether through a friend or through a talent you have. Everyone has talents.

[SuperSuraj]

Look, sir, I don't mean to be rude or hurt you but if you think you are super skinny how can you also think you are fat? You're not fat. Cross that off your worries and focus on becoming happy again. I hate myself too but I love my artistic inclination. It's how I express my hate. Find something you like about yourself and love it to death. While I'm drawing, painting, playing piano/violin I forget-for a moment-the rest of my horrid self. Find a way you can do the same, whether through a friend or through a talent you have. Everyone has talents.

I don't even know how I think I'm fat, I know I'm not, I just don't like my stomach... I have no clue how to explain it... and I have hockey for that but even that's been failing recently :/My talent is field hockey and that's what I'm trying to put all my anger and sadness into... *crosses fingers* olympics here I comeeee

[Haunted]

Do you have any close friends?

[SuperSuraj]

Do you have any close friends?

Yeah, I mean this is all caused by losing my closest friend and now ex boyfriend, but I have a lot of close friends who are trying really hard to make me happy, so I'm incredibly blessed and lucky. I'm starting to slowly see the positives from this break up and everything it has caused. I'm really trying to get closer with my friends and what not.

[Haunted]

Oh okay, good. I was going to suggest you tell one of your close friends how you feel but it sounds like they already know.

Best of wishes to ya!

[SuperSuraj]

Oh okay, good. I was going to suggest you tell one of your close friends how you feel but it sounds like they already know.

Best of wishes to ya!

Thank you very much (: <3

[Sinusitis]

Remember that: you are not special but you are the only one. Do not forget to love yourself :).Pass all your difficulties.Live as tomorrow is your last day.Life is beatiful.

[Abyssal Echo]

Hun, I know how it is to feel that way. A lot of us here on VT do. The first thing I want you to know is that we are all here to help and support each other, and we will always be here for you. That being said, your self esteem is at a low right now. I've been there, and I'm still there in a lot of ways--hating myself both physically and emotionally, and not being able to stand anything about myself. It's hard, I know. I got lucky and have had some people--mainly through VT--to help me through it and help me recover. I'm still in the process of recovering, but I'm better than I used to be. Instead of focusing on everything you hate about yourself, pick one thing--just ONE thing--that you don't hate and focus on that. Shift your focus on others, and helping them, and see if that helps your self esteem any. Talk to the people you love about it, and trust them when they say the good things about you--even if you don't believe them yourself, you have to trust them. It's hard as hell, and it hurts a lot, but YOU have to take those steps to recovery hun. It took me a long time to take those steps, but now I finally have. I don't hate myself near as much as I did a few months ago, although I couldn't have done it without the help of certain others. There are people who are here to help you, and who are in your life outside of VT who will help you too. If you ever need anything, please feel free to contact me, and I know there are plenty of other people here who would be more than willing to talk too.

as one of the many thats willing to talk I deff agree :D

[SuperSuraj]

Remember that: you are not special but you are the only one. Do not forget to love yourself :).Pass all your difficulties.Live as tomorrow is your last day.Life is beatiful.

Thank you, lovely (: <3

as one of the many thats willing to talk I deff agree :D

Thanks, it means a lot! (: <3

[Sinusitis]

Thank you, lovely (: <3

(: <3


You're welcome :)

[nice]

Your a cute dude (no homo) you have no reason to hate yourself or your body. If its because you are single your bound to find someone who believes your are a beautiful person no matter how you feel about it.

[Diverperry]

I'm right there with you too dude. I've been on waves of depression since I lost my best friend (we havent been friends for a few konths now). Pretty much everything you said is how i've been feeling lately, but what's been helping me is being around friends and just things that distract me from the bad things to help me focus on the good :)

[ArsenicCatNip]

Anything bothering you to feel that way? I've been there before

[SuperSuraj]

Your a cute dude (no homo) you have no reason to hate yourself or your body. If its because you are single your bound to find someone who believes your are a beautiful person no matter how you feel about it.

Thanks, it means a lot, and I don't even know if it's just because I'm single. Like, it might just be that mixed with the suddenness of losing my boyfriend and best friend (same person) at the same time and in like one day.

I'm right there with you too dude. I've been on waves of depression since I lost my best friend (we havent been friends for a few konths now). Pretty much everything you said is how i've been feeling lately, but what's been helping me is being around friends and just things that distract me from the bad things to help me focus on the good :)

Aww, I'm sorry to hear that :/ It sucks so much though, like this is the millionth time this has happened to me but you never expect it. I'm trying the friends and sports thing but idk any down time I have is spent thinking about him..

Anything bothering you to feel that way? I've been there before

Long story short: my best friend who was also my bf, who I feel so hard for left without a reason, and then came back for 14 hours and left again lol basically he gave me hope and then took it away every day for a month and a half ha :/

[nice]

Well you always have me if you need anything.

[ArsenicCatNip]

Long story short: my best friend who was also my bf, who I feel so hard for left without a reason, and then came back for 14 hours and left again lol basically he gave me hope and then took it away every day for a month and a half ha :/

That sucks :( I've been there before(I suck at picking girls heh) well, if he leaves you then he wasn't worth it :P