Affair

[Stefani]

i just found out my father is having an affair and i dont know what to do. If i tell my mom hell's gonna break loose, non of us can offord the divorce sure to follow. The tension and anger would be too much tk handle espically now with school and my other issues. But at the same i want to tell my mom, because it isnt fair to her. What should i do?

[Mortal Coil]

As you said, it would have some terrible effects on your family life if you did tell her, and personally I don't think it's necessarily your business. They're adults, and I hope you don't share your sex life with your family. Rarely do I tell people not to speak up when something like this is happening, but it is important that you get through this rough time before making it even rougher.

[Sleepy Raisin]

Like evil.angel said, you shouldnt tell your mom, this is horrible, and youre right its not fair to youre mother.. But at the same time divorces are stressful on so many levels, having my parents go through a divorce, my parents are thousands of dollars in debt, emotional distress, and it just causes a lot of problems before anything gets any better. Maybe you should talk to your dad, maybe he'll realize how stupid he's being and break it off with this other lady.. Sorry im not a lot of help, but its all i got.. Good luck!! Hope it gets better!!

[dontfiguremeout]

hmmm, I have two completely different opinions that you can choose which ones best for you and for your family!

1. Don't tell your mom. Let her find out, because honestly it's a problem between your dad and mom. You shouldn't really get into their problem, as it would greatly affect and maybe hurt you mentally if you do.

2. You need to tell your mom, but you need to have proof your dad did it! Or at least talk to her about what would you do if you found out dad was having an affair. And your right, it isn't fair at all for your mom to not know, and although it is extremely painful to know that your family life will never be the same, but you can actually help the family, by telling your mom, that your dad had an affair with someone else! I know that you don't want to see your parents break up if they do, if you do tell them, but you actually did save your family by saving your mom loving someone who is cheating on her! She won't have to live with a guy who lied to her, and broke their wedding promise! In the future, you will realized you did save your mom, just not in the beginning!

I usually don't have strong opinions on teens getting into problems like these, but because you found out and right now you actually have the power of saving your family, knowing that in the beginning you will feel like you destroyed the family. So your pick, but also really think everything out, before you decide!!!

[FreeFall]

You're the kid, not her husband. He knows he's having an affair, he knows the risks, he knows how it can and will tear a part a family, he's the idiot asshole who's extremely selfish and sadly, is your father. Your poor mom, your poor family.

But here's the thing, you can either be helping your mom by staying quiet, or robbing her of something extremely important and that is the chance to give you a better life and one you deserve. You could be robbing your mom the chance of getting you and herself out of a miserable home, she could jump start and work harder to make things better for you and herself, you know you're family for certain but hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and I'm hoping your mom will give hell the stink eye to do what needs to be done.

Please though, think about yourself before all else.

[HunterSteele]

non of us can offord the divorce sure to follow. The tension and anger would be too much tk handle espically now with school and my other issues. But at the same i want to tell my mom, because it isnt fair to her. What should i do?
And that's both financially and emotionally. Calling a divorce "stressful" is a real understatement, and I wouldn't want to go through it even if I had no other problems to deal with.

[Abyssal Echo]

#1 give your mom some credit shes not stupid. she knows somethings up.
eventually it will come out. you saying something or not saying something will come back to bite you. so somethings as my mom says are best left unsaid.

My mom caught my Father in the act on their bed with her coworker. so yeah Divorce is not pretty fun or user friendly. cost my mom and her co-worker their jobs destroyed my family and my world.

not very helpful I know but it dont matter if it comes out now or next year its not going to be a great place for anyone in the family and that includes aunts uncles, cousins. and everyones friends. Just remember this there are 3 sides to every story His, Hers, and the Truth.

[Thepolice5291]

You need to tell you're father that he has to stop having this affair and love you're mum for who she is, tell him maybe spice things up in the bedroom with her, maybe organise a nice date for them and cook them dinner, tell him he should do stuff with you're mum that they did when they were young, e.g. Watch a movie at the cinema, go to a fancy restaurant, surprise her and maybe keep things quiet from you're mum if he agrees, a divorce can be a messy process and it would affect the whole family

[TigerBoy]

It isn't your fault, whatever you decide. Your dad has caused the problem, he's already lit the fuse on the bomb its just a matter of when it goes off and how big the explosion is.

My advice: Tell your dad you know, and tell him to come clean and / or quit the affair. If he won't then consider telling your mum but only if you are certain about what you know.

Why?

Because this will only hurt your mum MORE the longer it goes on. You can at least save her that pain, and there is a chance you could reduce the damage to your family.
Keeping quiet is tempting but it doesn't make the problem go away, and you'd need to look at whether your reasons for keeping quiet are to help your mum, or because you are scared of what will happen.


I'm really sorry you are in this position, but it is possible for families to get past this stuff without divorce or whatever, so I hope that things work out whatever you decide.

[BrittneyB]

Basically what everyone else said :/ Ah either way you should talk to someone, because this isn't something you need to deal with all by yourself. Also, don't get mad at either of them because a lot of times they'll just pull the "you don't know what youre talk about/understand the situation" card and it just makes it a LOT more hard then it needs to be.
ah best of wishes! pm me if you ever need to talk xx