I'm back to this.

[Aceso]

I really want to cut again, I can't believe I'm crashing. It's like I can never get a balance, when things finally start to improve, another thing just comes along and kicks me in the teeth.
I really don't know what to do, I feel like I'm just completely done. Everything should be good but it's not, and now I'm back to cutting and purging again. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so disappointed in myself.
I just can't see how it's ever gonna be any better, in my mind I'm still exactly the same as that little 11 year old child locking herself in the bathroom to cry. Nothing's gonna change.
I need someone there to help me, but I can't tell anyone. I feel so depressed it's making me feel physically sick, I can't eat or drink or sleep, I can't focus on anything, I can't stop thinking about how much I've fucked things up or the people I've lost. And it terrifies me, it's traumatising. I'm so scared of this, of who I am and what I do. I've not felt free for years.
I just don't know what to do anymore. All i've got now are my rusty blades too.

[emanual]

please dont cut

[Noirtier]

Hun, I know how it is. I've been there, I'm still struggling with depression and self harm. My best advice to you, though, is to tell a trusted adult, or even a counselor. We're always here for you on VT, and we're here to help and support you, but we can only help up to a certain point. You need someone to be there physically for you, and who can guide you through it. At the very least, I think you should talk to a counselor or psychologist, because I think they might be able to help with a lot of that--specifically not being able to stop thinking about what you've messed up on or the people you've lost. When you say the depression is so bad it's making you physically sick, well, that tells me that you need to take that step to recovery and tell someone--because if it's that bad that it makes you physically sick, then that's something that a professional needs to talk to you about because it's serious when it gets to be that bad... We'll always be here for you hun, and we support you in whatever you do. :hug3: Feel free to contact me if you ever need to

[xlntjen]

Heyy hun, Plz dont cut.. I know its soo hard and the feeling of cutting is all you want, but trust me.. when you become 18 months ( almost 19 ) clean it makes you feel so much better tht your tht strong for so long. I still get urges to cut when I see razors.. Your not the only one hun.
I think you should tell a friend tht your close with or who understands what your doing. It helps a lot.. I told my boyfriend and he has been supportive of it.

Hope you feel better <3

[ackmedsgirl666]

stick to yur guns and dont cut
its a bad habit to stick with girl

[BrittneyB]

ok I'm going to be blunt: if you've cut before, then you know how hard it is to stop once you get hooked. stay strong and be proud that you've been clean (idk how else to phrase it:/) for how ever long you have been. its hard to be completely sh free, don't be too hard on yourself. it gets better, as cliche as that sounds. you'll be happy again. if you lose someone, then screw them, they're not worth it.

feel free to pm me or any one of the other wonderful people on vt whenever need to talk to someone.

[that-god-chick]

cutting is an addiction and just like any other addiction its so hard to give up, people fall back to doing it and people relaps all the time but you have to be strong and stick it out, you were stong enough to stop in the frist place be even stronger now and stop again before it gets to bad again.. im not going to tell u not to cut because i know how hard it is not to and i know people telling u not to is just going to make u feel worse. just think back to the rason u stoped the first time and maybe that will help go back to the things u use to do insted of self harming... try to keep urself destracted so u dont self harm... like i said its not going to be easy but u know that because you have stoped before.. know im always here for u if u ever need someone to talk to about anything feel free to inbox me and we can have a chat, or if u want you can email me, inbox me and ill give u my email :) <3
stay strong and know i believe in u