Help Please Help

[jay345]

I dont know what to do im 17 year ood boy and im sttting in my basememnt dart have not eaten in a few days and i want to kill my self i have a knife and other stuff that can do the job.

i dontknow what to do i know what caused this but i dont want to say and i know i want to do this and i want to do it soon


im freaking out and i have not stoped cryng and shaketing

[Mollie]

dont kill yourself!!!

please just tell us what the problem is and maybe someone can help you?

things can get better! i know it doesnt seem like it now but its possible

please just distract yourself... get something to eat, and do something... even like watch tv or anything... just distract yourself cos sitting alone starving will only make you feel worse

xxxxxxx

[jay345]

im just scared to sayanthing i dont want anyone who knows the person to find out.

ive think ive goten worse

can i trust people on here not to yell or laugh

[electric7rocker]

some people yell a little.. but its only cuz they want to help. and anyone who laughs is yelled more at.. cuz theyre a shit face and they cant be empathetic. i wont laugh or yell... most people dont tho.

[jay345]

well i still am feeling worse that i did last night when i posted or this morn i dont know

im scared to leave and i want to kill my self for what happened and because i let this happen

its realy hard for me to say what happened and i cant realy trust anyone anymore

[The Resurrected One]

We here are all good people, we don't laugh at anybody for anything. I also have had problems which may have sounded a little stupid, but nobody laughed at me here.

[Delete account]

-snip-

[Sapphire]

As already said, we are an understanding community and are here to help one another.

Emotions and events can seem overwhelming and leave us believing there is no way out of it all. But it needn't be so. Things can get better. You only need speak with a few people here who are living proof that things can, and will, improve.

Eating more, spending a bit of time with friends and seeking some form of support will all help you. Don't freak at the thought of seeking help. It will give you the opportunity to gradually improve your trust issues and, in doing so, will help you to start straightening your life out. If this seems too daunting at the moment then use us. We will always be here for you, but we can only do so much. Support from those you can meet face to face will be better.

Just for future reference, please do not create two posts in a row in the same thread. Use the "Edit" button next time.

[Mollie]

no body here will laugh or yell! thats the best thing about sites like this... youre not judged and you dont need to worry about peoples reactions

ive felt like this before (a few times now actually) but death causes a ripple effect... at least one person will be directly affected by your death, and that will effect someone else, which will effect someone else and so on...

people do recover from feeling like this and you can do!!!

talk to us... dont give up xxxxxxxxx

[jay345]

im scared to say what happened on here just because the kid may read it and find out

[The Resurrected One]

Kid? What kid? I think we should know. Is he hurting you in any way? Is the reason you want to die because of him? Tell us, if he finds out then what will he do about it?

[electric7rocker]

hey jay sorry i didnt respnd to your IM, i was asleep like 20 min before that lol sorry :D im on now though.. and i proba

[jay345]

Kid? What kid? I think we should know. Is he hurting you in any way? Is the reason you want to die because of him? Tell us, if he finds out then what will he do about it?

Yea he is the reason...i realy dont want to say what he did i cant put it on my self to say it

[The Resurrected One]

Well, we can't help you if you don't tell us what the problem is, you know.

[jay345]

well he was my room mate in my house and i was sitting in my basement on the computer and he comes over and pushes me and i take nothing of it because we do that all the time.

then he starts to get harder and knockes me on the floor and just starts to attack me.

at this point im crying and asking him why and i thought he knew this all along but the reason he was attacking me was b/c im bi/gay

then he punches me so hard and at this tme i was bleading i was almost knock out cold

could not speek or realy movemuch

he takes off my pants and i try to fight and he punches me in the chest and i got hurt...

other things happned but i dont know if i can say them with out being baned

[The Resurrected One]

That homophobic asshole bitch! Sorry...

But it's not right for him to do that. Talk to someone about it if you can. But just don't kill yourself. This is not a reason good enough.

[jay345]

but he did other things that i could never tell anyone (ie police or other firends)

and thinking about it makes me cry so much

[The Resurrected One]

If it was really, really, really bad, then I say that you must talk to someone about it. Do not kill yourself, though. Just don't.

[jay345]

how would i....could i tell some one i was bascily raped


i should of gone to the hospital that night but i could not get up

[The Resurrected One]

I didn't mean tell someone then, I'm saying tell someone sometime soon, in the future. That guy is an idiot, and he deserves to be punished.

[thesphinx]

I just hate these things people just have to be so stupid sometimes. please dont commit suicide! You have to tell someone, if you dont this might happen to someone else. if you kill yourself this guy will still be out there. I promise you that no one will yell on here we are friendly people who dont judge.
Please PM me you can privately talk to me if you want to tell me more of what happened.
make sure you talk about what happened dont keep this bottled up.

[jay345]

.....i don't wana be here anymore

[The Resurrected One]

Just don't kill yourself.

[jay345]

but i can't take it anymore ive been just replaying him comming up to me over and over in my head

[electric7rocker]

ive wanted to kill myself more and more lately... and ive been so close.. i just have to keep reminding myself that suicide wont do much for me, because then i wont be able to enjoy things.. like the rain. i love the rain. and like the feeling of sand between your toes... the first sip of a nice hot cup of tea...the way i can look up at the sky, and think, "somewhere... someone is happy." and i know that i have that to look forward to, soon i hope.
im reading this book right now, its called "its kind of a funny story" by ted vizzini or something like that.. and its about this 15 year old who almost kills himself.. he wants to jump off the brooklyn bridge, and ive just been tihnking more and more how i want that... like the adrenaline rush RIGHT before you hit the water.. and.. i dont know. ive had to force myself to stop thinking about it. but keep trying to live. i thrive on those moments that give me a rush of power... when i feel like i can take over the world.

i wish you the best of luck, i hope you live to see another triumph. they do come around. :) i hope i help... i feel sort of like ive just been rambling.....

[jay345]

i did this to my self the rape the beating i broight it on my self i couldent just hide my feelings about being gay i did this to my self...

[Sapphire]

He beat you. He raped you.
That is not your fault. You did not cause this. You do not deserve this. He is responsible, not you.
Talk with someone you trust about this. You don't need to suffer like this in silence.

[jay345]

sorry my laptop ran out

He beat you. He raped you.
That is not your fault. You did not cause this. You do not deserve this. He is responsible, not you.
Talk with someone you trust about this. You don't need to suffer like this in silence.

i feel like i caused this i feel that this is my fault in all ways .

ive started cutting badly and cant stop

[The Resurrected One]

Why do you say it was your fault?

[jay345]

because i never told him about me and he found out and i deserved it

[The Resurrected One]

NO! You didn't deserve it. It was prefectly fine if you didn't want to tell anyone about it. But he found out, and he beat you up? That is not good at all. If he was a good friend, then he would accept you for who you are.

[jay345]

i called a firend to come over b/c im bleading realy bad and can barly sit up

[The Resurrected One]

Did you tell someone about it yet?

[Mollie]

you did not deserve it!!!

there was no excuse for him doing that and he is the one who should be suffering not you!!!

dont kill yourself over it... talk to someone, no one will blame you, everyone will see that HE is the bad guy!!!

[jay345]

i have not told him why i did it or what happned but i may be going to the hospital tonight

[Malcolm Tucker]

Tell someone, you are not gonna feel any better until you do, trust me!!!!!!

It was not your fault! It was his! If he has a problem with your sexuality, ITS HIS PROBLEM, NOT YOURS!

You have to tell someone. Dont kill yourself, if you tell someone it Will get better!

Michael

[jay345]

Tell someone, you are not gonna feel any better until you do, trust me!!!!!!

It was not your fault! It was his! If he has a problem with your sexuality, ITS HIS PROBLEM, NOT YOURS!

You have to tell someone. Dont kill yourself, if you tell someone it Will get better!

Michael

he is still in the area and im too scared to b/c of thing he told me and how he still has keys

[irhmrh]

i know this sounds bad but when im feeling bad i like to kinda go steep by step and kinda explain to someone whats going on. If you want you can say it on here (if you feel up for it and it does not bring you to cutting more) (and try to keep it less NC-17)

[jay345]

i was told that by someone elce and was going to do it on here b.c im starting to trust you guys

well i was sitting at my desk on the computer checking email and he comes up behind me and kinda pushes me i thought he was just playng so i did not look and i kinda pushed my arm back

then he pushes a lot harder and knocks me on the floor, while im on the floor looking at him he kicks me in the ribs and does it 3 times realy hard so im down and could not get up...

then he sits down on my legs b/c i was trying to get up and as im getting up he pushes my face down to the floor and spits on my face.

then he says "i know your little fucking secreat you fucking faggot" then he punches me in the stomich so hard i could not breath for a few min.he keeps like messng with me slapping me pushing me while still sitting on me

he gets up and i stand up. to try and get away i get 2 feet and feel his fist go across my face and hit me in the mouth. i fall down and he punches me in the face 4 more times.

i was crying and bleeding everywhere.he puts his hand around my neck and sarts to chock me i could breath a little but i did not move or talk. i feel him start to undo my shorts. he spits on me and takes them off he rips my shirt off me and at that point i was laying there naked in blood and all red.

he turns me over by my throught and i try to get my head up and he bashes it into the floor a bunch of times i black out.

i get up to the worst pain i have ever felt in my life as i open my eyes he has my testicals in his hand squeesing them almost ready to pop im crying.

he has his hand on the back of my neck holding my face sideways to the floor and i see his pants open.

i feel him open my back end and i feel presure i did not know what it was at first till i felt "it" pop in and i screamed like i never screamed before. he forced it all the way in at once i felt his boy pressed up on mine and i was still screaming and crying . he forces in and out for about 20 min and im crying and i feel that im bleeding he tunes me over and stands up with his foot on my chest and came on me then urnated on my face and kicked me in the genitals many times. the says (hope u felt that faggot)

laying there i thought he was done with me so i stayed still eyes closed with stuff all over me to make him tink i was out. i feel him get close and i smell him get closer and he opens my mouth and starts to force him penice in to my mouth (i did the stupediet thing in the world) i bite down hard.

he pulls out and picks me up my the neck and arm till i was off the ground and threw my into the poll i have in my basement made or mettle and cement and m head hits and i black out.

it had to be or felt like 2 hrs latter i wake up and i was tied and had his underwhere in my houth i was tied to the poll wit my hands to the poll.

i layed there and cryed and cryed and cryed for hrs after i saw where he did this to me and i saw all the urian and seamen all over me and blood.

sorry this is long i just could not stop writng im crying now thingking about it

[electric7rocker]

you can try and get new locks... a restraining order... geez you can call the police and get him arrested... hes violating your personal.. everything, and your privacy... do whatever you can to make yourself safe, and alive.

[jay345]

im going to the hospital in 30 min i had someone come over and see me and she said she is takeing no matter waht i said.

b.c now besites the face full of cuts and bruses and swolen eyes and lip she thinks i had 3 broken ribs and some other stuff that may be broken. (she is a life guard and use to be on the rescue squad) i also have cuts and other marks from my self all over my body wrists and other places

but im not going to tell them about my anal bleeding like crazy b.c it stoped and i dont want them knowing that

[electric7rocker]

good luck at the hospital.. doctors kind of scare me........ but you should do something about this guy.

[jay345]

well i went to the hospital and found out some things.

1. 2 broken ribs
2.many burses
3. had a concusion
4. broken nose
5. brused testicals and pelvis bone
6. jaw is mis alined

it took me a while to tell him and her (drs) what happened but they kinda came to there own. when they did a anal exam and saw that it was torn and bloody.

in 3 weeks i have to go back for an std check up and i had to get a ton of stiches for my self cuts and slits. stiches alltogether 45.

did a lot of crying at the drs when they did anal exam and had to talk about it at phyc.


i still feel like shit

[The Resurrected One]

Damn that asshole! What he did to you was HORRIBLE!!!!!

Tell everyone you trust. The more people that know, the better.

[RaisingSand]

I agree with Johnny, that is awful and there is no way in hell you deserved that. :( Hang in there, help IS available. :hug:

[Underground_Network]

Wait, what happened to the asshole who beat you up and raped you? Did they catch him? I hope you feel better, and you definitely didn't deserve what happened to you, but, I'm kind of skeptical. How does one get on his laptop after being savagely attacked and raped. If that happened to me, I wouldn't go on VT, I would call 911, I'm sorry, I don't want to sound skeptical, but I just can't see someone in so much pain, with the ability to get on the computer (especially a laptop), go to VT, and type about what happened, right after it happened. What you should've done was call for help first, then told us about it, because the only thing we could tell you is to get help. I hope you're telling the truth, I seriously don't know if I can trust you. I'm sorry if you're being truthful, I just can't see it... :/

[jay345]

my laptop was on the floor with me. and i was scared to call the cops

[The Resurrected One]

Scared to call the cops? Come on! There should be no reason for you to be!

[jay345]

would you want someone to come and find you on the floor naked after being beat and raped. i cam here for the courage to call someone. And it helped you try having the week i had.

[Sapphire]

When was the incident? What's happening now with regards to the kid?

[jeRh8slife]

Glad you got over the day Jay, hope all goes well in your long life

[heartagram72]

honestly that is no reason to kill urself.

but y not tell the police that he assualted u??
dontr kill urself.
try getting something to eat tho

[RaisingSand]

^I agree with Heartagram.

[jay345]

Well i was in a hospital for a while working on my mental health and ive told the cops.

[The Resurrected One]

what else happened?

[jay345]

i was just in there for a week so that my body could heal and they had a psyc come in a talk to me every day. the cops came in one time asking me about him. i told them and i have not herd since

[The Resurrected One]

Well, I hope you are doing ok now.

[jay345]

well im on a ton of pills and i have someone in my house with me who is a good firend..ive feld like cutting but only did it once

[Malcolm Tucker]

well im on a ton of pills and i have someone in my house with me who is a good firend..ive feld like cutting but only did it once

Well that's good. As long as you are safe and that guy is locked up. You don't deserve what he did. I hope the police take him away.

And yes I agree that you should change the locks or something. It's for the best.