Overwhelming jealousy

[Cicero]

So I'm constantly jealous, whenever my friend hangs out with our other friend and her other friend. Today we were supposed to go to the gym together, but she said she might not be able to cause of Chior practice. I go on Facebook, and see she uploaded a video of our friend (our friend was friends with her first, and I'm not friends much with the other friend of hers) and her friend hanging out. She canceled us hanging out and exercising at the gym, to hangout with her other friend. I feel both sad and jealous. I feel like she hates hanging out with just me, like she had to have other people hanging out with us. We both have the same lunch, and we're together completely alone, yet she won't hangout with just us at her house or whatever, if we hangout it's dependent on our other friends schedule, if she can't then its canceled, if at the last minute. I find it really weird how I'm always jealous. I hate it. My grandpa was slightly the same way, if my grandma was laughing to much or looking like she was having to much fun with another guy, he would give her a look meaning, stop laughing so much or stop the conversation. He too, was very jealous of who my grandma had fun with. Yet I'm like this with a friend. Whenever I hear my friend hanging out with her other friends or our friends, I get really jealous. Sometimes they'll even talk about hanging out in front of me, and not invite me. I feel as if I'm replaceable within a split second, I ask about the future and she said (over text) 'of course well still be friends!' then she said 'well you can visit me at my house' like when we get older I asked about how we see each other and stay In touch and stuff. But that doesn't seem good enough for me. I feel like she doesn't trust me, she trusts her other guy best friend and boyfriend yet not me. She's even known me the longest, well she's known the other guy friend longer, but not the friend we both share or her boyfriend.

What should I do? How can I stop this jealousy? Is this weird?

[TigerBoy]

I don't think it is unusual to have these feelings, but perhaps the degree of feeling is more than usual in your case if it is becoming a problem.

It is very easy to undervalue the friendship sent your way because it is often intangible. This could be made worse for you because most of us suffer self doubt and insecurity to some degree. These feelings may also fuel your concerns over other relationships she has.

The solution for you may be to try to cherish what you DO get out of a friendship, and build on that. You have to nurture friendship like a flower : even with good intentions balance is needed or a flower can die from too much sun or too many nutrients (can you tell i study biology lol).

In your case, do see if you can continue or expand on activities you like doing. Don't push too hard or too frequently though or it will backfire. If you get a rejection just smile through the pain and tell her "ok another time then" - you'll get more back if you react pleasantly than if you get cross and make her scared or mad at you.

Her wanting to spend time with other people is perfectly normal : everyone has different things they can bring to a friendship, and that is probably all it is.

Just remember that by wanting something a lot, it is possible to appear too intense and put people off, so take it gently.

[Gandalf]

What should I do? How can I stop this jealousy? Is this weird?


The human race is a two faced selfish society. No lie, I think not being jealous would be even wierder, your friend must be so self obsessed to ignore you like this which is completely out of order, have you thought about just taking a minute to try and talk 'privately' and explain how your feeling.

Maybe you should just say how you feel, and if she can't accept it she is obviously not worth having as a friend.

Or if you get left out of something really casually enquire why... How credible is her story?

Don't put up with crap friends or lies.

Hope I've helped :)