Self Punishment

[Emumu]

I would like some Help/suggestions In how to Find the Reason behind why i Feel the Need to Inflict Self Punishment/Self Harm I am Affraid of Docters and Psychs. So i Am Reaching out in hopes Somebody Can Lead me to a Path Not Covered in Blood and Pain

[Mortal Coil]

Most of the self-harmers on this site are like you. We are willing to help you, but without knowing your story, I and others who want to help can't really do much.
So maybe you want to start from the beginning, at least tell us something.

[Emumu]

If you want From the beginning Here is Some.... From what i can Remember Nobody has Ever Actually Done anything in the Way of Sitting down to Listen About what Has me the way i am.. The only person i have is my baby sister who Is an Ex Cutter And trys her best to Help me out seeing as she knows what it is like but that is not Entirely True nobody knows what it is Like To be that person unless they have lived that persons life Seen the world from the Persons eyes my Story is From As early as grade 3 i was a Jerk somebody who had nothing better to do in their life but make other peoples lives hell i guess it was a way of Coping with my own life being hell But lately i have changed that out look on life And Became a Very emotional Person Trying to help Others that Feel the way i feel is the only way to bring Me some sort of Happiness.... I have never been Truly Happy in the Life i have been given Trying to cope with a Very unstable family and still trying to deal with my own unstable mind is a very challenging thing to do and i guess the Reason behind all this Self harm is Due to some sort of Imbalance in my brain At some point in my life due to unknown causes i have still yet to understand.... the difference with me and most of the people i know that self harm is i do not cut my self i Carve words into my wrist and arm such as pain or Suffering or alone. i don't understand why but No matter how many friends i have no matter how many People I have that i know for a fact care about me i some how still have this Alone emptiness deep down.... and no matter how much i try i just cant seem to fill it with anything.. pain or depression do not seem to help.... That is the Depression/carving part. the Self harm part is i guess because of all the Things i have done in the past that i feel i need to be punished for and what scares me the most is that i have a demon.... and before you say to your self Everybody has their own demon you are right they do but mine is not like every other demon mine is a Scary horrifying demon that Scares me to death and some times when it manages to escape i fear the only way to Save others from this demon is the just stop my life right here and now but then i think about the people that Truly do care about me....


Thank-You for your Time
From Emumu