I want to disown my dad?

[beebs]

Recently ive been thinking of, sort of, disowning my dad, as in, telling him I dont want to see him again.

I used to be close to him, but he left my mum 5 years ago, because he was cheating (he has never admitted it, but im almost sure), since then, he's just become so nasty, he has a new girlfriend, and 1 child with her, and she has 2 children already.

He argues with everyone, he shouts at me for no reason, I cant remember him once ever, telling me he loves me.

Just some example's of what he is like..

The day before my 8th birthday, my dad went out drinking, and was arrested for drink driving, a policeman came to my door in the morning to tell us he had been arrested. It was awful. He didn't come to my party, my own dad.

My mum found out I was cutting a few months ago, and we talked about why, and I told her that I wanted to see my dad, without his girlfriend, and her children. She told him this. And he came and took me out, took me to a restaurant, where they were all waiting. I was heartbroken. I thought he had wanted to spend some time with me.

I went on holiday with him, and his girlfriend and other kids, and my brother. And it was the worst holiday ever. He kept picking out everyone flaws. It was for a week. I cried 9 times. All bar one, were because of him, and what he had said/done.

This doesnt really do him justice, but its not fun. I dont hear from him much anyway, I didnt see him for 7 months last year, and he was going to take me and my brother to stay with him for a week last month (i didnt want to go anyway) but he didnt show up, he didnt even call, he hasnt called since.

So basically. I dont know if i want to see him again, he causes me nothing but pain. I dont like my step family, except one of my step sisters and my half brother.

If I choose not to see him again, I wont get to see them again, and my half brother is especially important to me, as he is in a wheelchair, and servely disabled.

Can someone help? What should I do? I love my dad. But I hate him. So much.
Help?

[FreeFall]

First of all, you don't have to have a relationship with anyone you don't want to
Ignore the "he's faaaaaamily you haaaaaave to love him/be best friends" bullcrap that you're going to hear either here or in real life. Family are still people, and if you wouldn't let a stranger treat you like that, then you certainly don't allow family to. Family does NOT get a free pass in your life just for sharing DNA.

You could write a letter, detailing what you've said to us if you want. Trying to speak in person or on the phone, you can expect a ton of yelling and denying and gas-lighting. So there's no use in that.
You're not obligated to ever tell anyone you plan to cut-off that you're doing so. You also don't have to give reasons. In this case, your dad should be aware he's failing as a parent and being an ass. He's the adult. So you can go about your day, he'll figure it out you've ended any relationship with him. Be warned, this will either make him pretend to be the perfect dad or send him into a giant rage. Be prepared for acting. Be prepared for someone pushing you "to keep the peace". Stand your ground, do not give into any of this!

Sadly, your brother is collateral damage. It really sucks, you can try to have a relationship outside of your father but it'll be too hard and he's probably going to beg you to come over and that effectively breaks your cut-off. I'm sorry your dad's such a jerk.

[TigerBoy]

If you don't want to see him, then you can still stay in contact with the ones you want to via skype / email or possibly meeting up on your own in time.

It sounds as though it is causing you more pain that it is worth, and he seems to be failing miserably as a human being let alone a father, so I think anyone would understand you not wanting to have to be put through all that.

Have you discussed your feelings with your mum? See what her advice is. In part I suppose it depends on your brother's feelings too, and if he's younger then he could probably use the moral support if you do end up seeing your father again, or may even be glad of you leading the way in this if you decide to take a break from him.

Whatever you decide doesn't have to be permanent - maybe in a few years you'll both be different people and discover your relationship can change for the better.

[Cognizant]

I'll keep this simple:

You don't have to see him again, but when you have nobody else to turn to, it's nice to have a family member at your side. Instead of just shutting down and leaving him, try to improve your relationship with him first. Confront him about what bugs you about him instead of bottling it up until you're completely fed up. I know this works from experience.
My mom hasn't been a major part in my life for almost 6 years. She really only washed my dishes, tidied up my room, and took me to school. She's probably one of the most selfish people I know. But, I talked things through with her, and now she's a little more interested me (even though she no longer lives here), and not 100% neglecting me and partying.

That's my advice, I wouldn't leave something without trying to solve the problems first. You really might just be suprised at the results.
Hope that helped just a little bit, please do take what i said into consideration. :)

[Mirage]

You don't have to see him.

If your in an abusive relationship don't be afraid to just LEAVE.

I'm sorry I am so blunt but that is just how it is. If he can't love you, don't show him love.

[horizonlooker]

I'm the same way. I don't speak to my father for what he said to me. He basically said that his life would be better without me, and I snapped. It was my final breaking point. I haven't talked to him in over a year and I really don't regret it. I'm sure eventually I';; start talking to him again, but as of now I can't.

[Jupiter]

You don't have to see him.

If your in an abusive relationship don't be afraid to just LEAVE.

I'm sorry I am so blunt but that is just how it is. If he can't love you, don't show him love.

If this were easy, I'd agree. But unfortunately, some people don't understand what it's like to try to stop thinking about your dad after you love/hate him so much.

If you want to divorce yourself from your father, you need to make small steps, unless you want to bolt the hell out of there.

Do you need to see your dad if you see your half brother?

[SpasticatedPengiun]

You could just tell him to f*ck off, thats what I did to my dad, he divorced my mum because he wanted nothing to do with his 3 kids (younger sister,me and my older brother), at the time my brother was 10 and I was 8 and my sister was 2 but he didn't care, Recently I have seen him and he gave me a hug, I pushed him away and told him to f*ck off, I think he's depressed now but frankly I dont care, he ruined a part of my life as I never had a male role model to look up to, what he did give me is that I actually looked at my mum for a role model and I love it, through all the hard times my mother always stayed positive and always has been tough (can do it no matter what, not tough as in hard to beat in a boxing match xD) and although he messed a part of my life up that allowed me to improve another part of my life.