I f'd up...

[jhv222]

Quick rundown...

-Im a junior in college
-Known a girl with a BF who is a year behind me. She had a BF when she came into college.
-Im into her, and am 99% sure she was into me.
-Three weeks ago, I hooked up with her, since then i don't know if she told her BF or if they are still together or what, but she seems she is depressed.
-I tried having a casual conversation, but she was almost unresponsive, she did respond, but i figured she didn't really want to talk so Im deciding to give her space now.

I still like this girl, and would like to date her but I feel really bad and just want her to be happy again.

I feel so dumb...


any advice would be appreciated, i can clear up things or add more detail if needed.

Thanks

[horizonlooker]

It's honesty not your fault, completely. She could of stopped whatever happened between you guys. I guess all you really can do is talk and hope for the best at this point.

[West Coast Sheriff]

I think u should weight for her to recover but still be ther for her as a friend, thats all I van say for right now and good luck!

[jhv222]

Thanks man, I want to talk to her about it, but the thing is...I know about the situation with her BF through outside sources and feel that it might be creepy if I just brought it up to her, or she might think that it was my intentions to break them up.

[jhv222]

I think u should weight for her to recover but still be ther for her as a friend, thats all I van say for right now and good luck!


Thanks for the advice, I think I'm gonna lay off for texting her and calling her for a bit, but if I see her on campus still be friendly and nice to her. My friends and I are going bowling this weekend and I don't know if i should invite her or not, since it may just confuse her.

[FreeFall]

You probably shouldn't invite her.
She's probably feeling remorse, regret, and guilt. No matter what, there's no excuse to cheat and if she's got a boyfriend huge shame on her for having allowed whatever happened to happen. You're now "the other guy". She's probably trying to sort out and figure out the relationship. How to fix it if he found out, regain his trust and overall be a better girlfriend/person.

Just give her some space. Probably should sit back and let her come to you if she feels like she still wants to have a relationship with you, especially if she knows you know she's got a boyfriend.
Fair warning, most people don't keep a relationship with those they've hooked up with when trying to save their relationship. So she may never return to anything more than campus peer.

[jhv222]

You probably shouldn't invite her.
She's probably feeling remorse, regret, and guilt. No matter what, there's no excuse to cheat and if she's got a boyfriend huge shame on her for having allowed whatever happened to happen. You're now "the other guy". She's probably trying to sort out and figure out the relationship. How to fix it if he found out, regain his trust and overall be a better girlfriend/person.

Just give her some space. Probably should sit back and let her come to you if she feels like she still wants to have a relationship with you, especially if she knows you know she's got a boyfriend.
Fair warning, most people don't keep a relationship with those they've hooked up with when trying to save their relationship. So she may never return to anything more than campus peer.

Thanks, do you think I have any shot with this girl eventually if I just don't talk to her for awhile? We had a great friendship for over a year, and it was a drunk hookup. She never mentioned her boyfriend to me and avoids mentioning him when I know she could. Its really bumming me out since she's a real special girl to me and I just wish this one incident never happened.

I don't mind being single at all, I keep my eyes open for relationships, but right now she's the only girl that I would want to have a serious relationship with. Kind of rambling here but I guess what I am asking is, if I just wait for her and her boyfriend to break up without me being involved at all, like just a normal break up, could I be there for her and possibly have a relationship?

[FreeFall]

I'm not sure. Being drunk is no excuse, never will be. Being drunk also means it wasn't special or meaningful, though I think you've sadly noticed that. You may, you may not. I really can't say anything from what you told us. Personally, to be such great friends over a year and you find out about her BF through outside sources, too shady on her part. Ever wonder why she hasn't said anything?

But, put yourself in his (her bf's) shoes. You probably see the best qualities in her, but you've seen the ugly and sadly were a part of that. She had a drunken fling with you, her friend, while keeping her boyfriend a secret. If you get that chance, can you really trust that she won't do the same thing to you or worse? One thing I can not wrap my head around, is how is no one concerned about STD/STIs when they go out and have fun with another? It's a red alert to me.

It's very very good that you're keeping an eye out for a relationship. But don't have one foot in the door, so I'm trying to say don't get your hopes up for ever having anything with her. It'll hurt you too much, I can see you do care about her. if you put yourself on the outside, if you do get a relationship with her, you'll probably like it a whole lot more instead of peeking in every now and again hoping. It can kill that "I knew this day would happen" moment that could, not saying that it will, pop into your head.

Edit: being drunk, she probably regrets her actions. I was under the impression that it was a mutual, fully aware of everything, fling. Definitely giver her the space you talked about (:

[jhv222]

I'm not sure. Being drunk is no excuse, never will be. Being drunk also means it wasn't special or meaningful, though I think you've sadly noticed that. You may, you may not. I really can't say anything from what you told us. Personally, to be such great friends over a year and you find out about her BF through outside sources, too shady on her part. Ever wonder why she hasn't said anything?

But, put yourself in his (her bf's) shoes. You probably see the best qualities in her, but you've seen the ugly and sadly were a part of that. She had a drunken fling with you, her friend, while keeping her boyfriend a secret. If you get that chance, can you really trust that she won't do the same thing to you or worse? One thing I can not wrap my head around, is how is no one concerned about STD/STIs when they go out and have fun with another? It's a red alert to me.

It's very very good that you're keeping an eye out for a relationship. But don't have one foot in the door, so I'm trying to say don't get your hopes up for ever having anything with her. It'll hurt you too much, I can see you do care about her. if you put yourself on the outside, if you do get a relationship with her, you'll probably like it a whole lot more instead of peeking in every now and again hoping. It can kill that "I knew this day would happen" moment that could, not saying that it will, pop into your head.

Edit: being drunk, she probably regrets her actions. I was under the impression that it was a mutual, fully aware of everything, fling. Definitely giver her the space you talked about (:


Thanks, its going to be really really tough getting over this, but maybe eventually ill find someone new or something will happen with her when I don't even expect it. I hope at least we can rebuild our friendship.