I'm a disappointment

[Peta]

I kinda feel like I am a disappointment to my parents. My dad is a pastor and my mum is also, but doesn't really preach in church. I also have a brother who is an ok brother. We sort of were close, but not so much now just with everythings that's happened.

I sort of believe in God and the whole aspect of Christianity, but I don't really follow it. I can't seem to get my head around it really and I struggle to be any good as a person. I still know what morally is right and wrong but I struggle to live it sort of thing. My brother is a full on Christian and is like an angel compared to me.

Anyway around Christmas time 2010, my dad walked in on me kissing one of my close friends (a girl). It was really embarrassing and my parents really got into me. They grounded me for the entire summer. I was angry at the time but i'm not so much upset about that now. Anyway so things cooled down during that period, but when school started it I got into more trouble. I went to a few parties and my parents knew I had a hangover as I had to go to church the next day which sucked. We had a few massive fights again.

After that now I just feel like a disappointment to my parents. My brother is an angel compared to me so there number 1 line, "is why can't you be like your brother". Even if it's over a very small thing like taking the trash outside. We're always getting into fights now over next to nothing. We still talk but I don't want to tell them anything big because I'm afraid to what they might say or if I'm good enough for them.

I mean I really am trying to, I got really good grades over the past two terms but all they can say is "that's what you should be getting". I have stayed out of trouble pretty well too, but I can't even tell if they love me anymore. To other people they are all raving about my brother, but never me. I mean it's a lot more mellow but I just feel like i'm not good enough for them. I just want them to be proud of me and I want to tell them stuff as in big stuff. I'm just so afraid as to what might happen if I do and what they might think. It will probably end in fight and I'm sick of fighting and we will be back to were we started.

I barely even talk to my brother now as well. We were never that close, but we could always talk to each other now I just feel really angry at him even though it's not really his fault.

I just feel really down over this and I've thought about just running away and never coming back but I know that won't solve anything. Any advice would help please

[dontfiguremeout]

I want to say I know how you feel, but I have never been in your shoes, but I know what it feels like to be the one who is called the "Angel". And honestly, I really do feel bad for my little sister, who is always getting in trouble, and kinda in a way is like you, but never done anything what you did. But one thing you should do is talk to your high school pastor, or your leaders (girl preferably, because then you can get more personal in the talk). Not only will she help you as a person by choosing right from wrong, but she will help strengthen your relationship with God and get you on the right path!

[Peta]

I want to say I know how you feel, but I have never been in your shoes, but I know what it feels like to be the one who is called the "Angel". And honestly, I really do feel bad for my little sister, who is always getting in trouble, and kinda in a way is like you, but never done anything what you did. But one thing you should do is talk to your high school pastor, or your leaders (girl preferably, because then you can get more personal in the talk). Not only will she help you as a person by choosing right from wrong, but she will help strengthen your relationship with God and get you on the right path!

Thanks for the reply.

The thing is my dad is the (part time) high school pastor, so I can't do that. It's a small church and a small school. Honestly I'd prefer to talk it over with someone from a completly different church or school as the church and school are kind of connected. I just have a bad reputation that I think need to go somewhere else for someone to listen. I just don't think my dad would let me though which is why I'm here I guess. I guess I should ask him though.

[Nathan Numberless]

I'm not religous at all, but I'm in the same general situation as you. You aren't a disapointment. You don't need others to believe in you. You just have to learn to believe in yourself and set your own goals for the sake of yourself, as it will benefit you the most. Stay calm and stay confident and remember that everything you do should be for the benefit of you.
-Dr hedshOt

[dontfiguremeout]

Thanks for the reply.

The thing is my dad is the (part time) high school pastor, so I can't do that. It's a small church and a small school. Honestly I'd prefer to talk it over with someone from a completly different church or school as the church and school are kind of connected. I just have a bad reputation that I think need to go somewhere else for someone to listen. I just don't think my dad would let me though which is why I'm here I guess. I guess I should ask him though.

How bout you tell him that it's best for you! Tell him that because this is such a small church that you don't think you'll get as much help, as if you went to a bigger church where there are more teens, and then high school leaders and pastors! He will understand you, if this is the best way for you to become a better person, and also to get closer with God.

[TigerBoy]

From what I have read about similar stories (and you should check I'm right on this obviously) I believe you have the right under the constitution to practice your own faith. Your parents do not have the legal right to force you to practice faith at all, or what faith to practice. They can punish you and put a lot of pressure you you, but legally and morally your faith is your own business, not theirs.

If the 'big stuff' relates to sexuality then I would also look for organisations online that could advise you : they may be able to direct you to sympathetic religious advise. If you can't find anything local, start with one of the national ones and email or phone them. Maybe try pflag (http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2)

[West Coast Sheriff]

I'm really sorry you feel this way but try not to caress much what they think, care about you instead