A difficult friend

[Pipo]

Hey guys/gals I need your advice.

I've a friend who is bi sexual and we've been friends for really really long time I mean for years I found out his bi sexual and I told him I'm gay, I've recently though what if he'd want to be my boyfriend cuz he asked me to come for a sleepover and we snuggled in his bed and slept in same bed. This has happened now at least couple of times

Then I decided to ask him to be my boyfriend but he replied me that he'd love to be my boyfriend but his unsure about his feelings towards me and he feels like he wouldn't be a good boyfriend cuz his never had a boyfriend or girlfriend so he doesn't know what to do. He also told me that I'd be more disappointed than happy with him.

For fun I once asked him does he jerk off cuz I just curious he replied me doesn't jerk off ever and never have. I also know that his not looking at porn at all. I once talked about me giving him a blowjob but he replied "eeew" as return which obviously meant he doesn't want me to give him. I had talked about it before with him and he said we should wait to get in relationship.

Lately I've been feeling really unsure about do I want to be with him in relationship at all or does he even want to be with me. I've asked him couple of times would he want to but every time I ask him to be he says his unsure and doesn't want to be with me, something inside him is telling he doesn't want to be with me yet..

He asked me to come for sleepover again but I didn't feel so good I mean I wasn't sick or anything I just didn't want to go he got really sad..I've been thinking should I just stop pushing him?

[FreeFall]

Yes stop pushing him. You don't push people to date you or like you.

He's never dated before you say, he could really just feel insecure about that. Just give him space, stay friends, and let him sort himself out. You're also secure in yourself, that could just make him retreat further back, you know exactly what you want whereas he needs to figure himself out. Give it time.

[Pipo]

Yeah I know pushing is wrong, but it also made me doubt that does even or ever wanted to date me or not. Cuz yesterday say he'd maybe kiss me but I feel like I don't want to :/

[dontfiguremeout]

The problem is you asked him once he said no, but you keep asking him more times! That puts a lot of pressure on him, which is peer pressure into a relationship (you don't want that!!!) Let him be his own person in what he does. Let him explore on his own, instead of being pressured.

[Pipo]

The problem is you asked him once he said no, but you keep asking him more times! That puts a lot of pressure on him, which is peer pressure into a relationship (you don't want that!!!) Let him be his own person in what he does. Let him explore on his own, instead of being pressured.

yeah I know I did and I regret that I asked him more than once. But now I just feel like I don't know if I want to be with him or not it's not because he said he doesn't want to be with me but if he doesn't like to be with me like I don't want to force him to be in relationship or try to pressure in.

I'm honestly really scared to do any moves around him cuz I know he has no experience what so ever from being with another person. I'm afraid to kiss him and stuff like that. I try to let him do the stuff on me. . . But I can't force him and I will not.

[FullyAlive]

I think you'll find this is better suited here :)

:arrow2: Relationships and Dating

[Pipo]

okay I think I've some bad news idk..

Today he told me that "a year ago you were cute motorbike kid now you're all black swallowed punk"

He said that his afraid that I'll change cuz of that and that I've changed.

I tried to explain him some more and he said "now you're all into punk stuff like clothing and when you start using clothes like that then you're going to act that way too"

so basically he hates me now cuz I'm punk? I honestly like the fashion and music ...

[Devon16]

If you don't mind me saying, I wouldn't keep pushing, I would let it lay and see where it goes. As far as liking Punk and stuff, that shouldn't matter at all. I never judge anyone by how they dress or what they like, and I've made some really good friends by looking past that stuff.
Devon

[FreeFall]

Wow, how judgmental.

Now that it's cold again, I've brought our my jeans and warm flannel shirts. Wore a pair of women's timberland's today, guess I'm a lumberjill?

Honestly, is that worth it? He's afraid you'll change. Big whoop, people change regardless of what they do and it's inevitable. Sometimes they retain everything else they like (fashion, music, hobbies) but the personality takes a 180. The irony, if you become the cute motorbike kid again for him, you'll have changed.

I think you need to just shrug your shoulders, roll them back, and cut your losses. Keep him as a friend, but maybe drop the romantic interest. He's too afraid of some things that don't even make sense. You can like snakes, does that make you a snake charmer? no. So liking punk doesn't make you punk until you chose to live it, punk that is. He's too judgey, jumping to conclusions, and too worried and scared. I personally can't and don't deal with people like that, so what advice I have given may definitely not be for you. Good luck and I'm sorry things turned out like this!

[dontfiguremeout]

okay I think I've some bad news idk..

Today he told me that "a year ago you were cute motorbike kid now you're all black swallowed punk"

He said that his afraid that I'll change cuz of that and that I've changed.

I tried to explain him some more and he said "now you're all into punk stuff like clothing and when you start using clothes like that then you're going to act that way too"

so basically he hates me now cuz I'm punk? I honestly like the fashion and music ...

That's messed up! Honestly now it's more his fault! The past is the past what you told us yesterday, but now it's really his fault! Honestly a friend should respect the changes that you have made, now they may not agree with you, but then if so at least they can say it respectfully and not bring you down! But he didn't, so I would say how bout this friendship comes to an end. You guys are just going to go downhill by the looks of it! Especially now that he's calling out on you what he doesn't like.

[Pipo]

I suppose I dropped the thinking about him being my boyfriend a while go. But yesterday I tried to explain him I won't start smoking drugs like he said I'd.

"When you start wearing clothing like punks then you start acting like one too start using drugs and stuff"

I tried to explain him that being a punk isn't about smoking and drinking whole day for some it may be but that's not what it is for me. Everyone has their own choices to start using drugs and some do and some not. Why Would I start using drugs cuz I don't smoke or drink even....

Earlier that day I said him jokingly something about someone's jacket and said he should do the same to his bag I told him to add Safety pins to his bag cuz he had few on it early so add more. He started to yell at me that he doesn't need to change to something and he don't want to.

Then he tells me that I need to change?

[FreeFall]

Your friend sound hyper-sensitive, critical, overly worried about random things, and best of all hypocritical.

Seriously, he already has pins on his bag. What need was there to freak out? He seems to be misguiding some feelings he has onto you, or projecting some thoughts. Maybe he's the one that really afraid of himself changing and he's tossing those fears at you as anger and random worries. Making you his scapegoat. I wonder if he's going to suggest that you're a bad influence on him at some point.

I'd say you could try talking to you friend once again if you feel the need. Let him know you've been his friend since you decided you'd WEAR punk style clothing, not go and embrace the lifestyle, and the personality of the "cute motorbiker kid" is still there. A little different but that's what happens with time and growth. He's in for a rude call if he thinks that everyone he meets will stay forever preserved in time the way they are when he meets them.

[Pipo]

Your friend sound hyper-sensitive, critical, overly worried about random things, and best of all hypocritical.

Seriously, he already has pins on his bag. What need was there to freak out? He seems to be misguiding some feelings he has onto you, or projecting some thoughts. Maybe he's the one that really afraid of himself changing and he's tossing those fears at you as anger and random worries. Making you his scapegoat. I wonder if he's going to suggest that you're a bad influence on him at some point.

I'd say you could try talking to you friend once again if you feel the need. Let him know you've been his friend since you decided you'd WEAR punk style clothing, not go and embrace the lifestyle, and the personality of the "cute motorbiker kid" is still there. A little different but that's what happens with time and growth. He's in for a rude call if he thinks that everyone he meets will stay forever preserved in time the way they are when he meets them.

Yeah I think he is. Today during school he text to me that his really sorry about what he said yesterday to me. I said to him it was okay I really didn't get mad or hurt or anything from it. I just though why he'd say such thing like that all suddenly for no reason at all?

now I really don't know what I should do with him I feel like I don't want to be in relationship with him anymore at least I felt like I wanted to but right now I just don't know what to do and best thing to do is to stay as friends I suppose.

[FreeFall]

Staying friends sounds good unless you're not benefiting from being his friend anymore. By that I mean he's always stressing you out, you can't remember the last time you both laughed, it seems like a one way street of friendship, he's only concerned with himself and stops caring about you. Like that.
At least he knew he overreacted over...nothing...so that's a good sign. Maybe he just needs to get himself together and you two focus on friendship until/unless things take a turn for the better in the romantic field.

[Pipo]

I really don't know do I want to be with him in relationship anymore like I don't know honestly right now I just wanna stay as friends like we were...I don't think I want to be with him in relationship cuz it doesn't seem to be a good idea for him or me.