Friend insulted me after telling him I was gay.

[companioncube]

So I don't know if any of you guys saw it, but I posted in Teen sexuality about me finally coming to terms with myself. Well later that day, I went to hang out with my closest friend and play some video games. We hung out for a couple hours just laughing and being friends, uuntil I told him.. I was leaving to go home and I turned around and just said it. He looked straight at me and he could tell he was nervous and then he said something that hurt me really bad.

I was so shocked he said that and I just felt like everything inside me drop and I just turned and ran and began crying. I didn't look back until I got home. Its the kind of stuff you see in the movies, and it had just happened to me. So I was extremely mad and sad and I had a small episode and eventually calmed down a few hours after.

He hasn't texted me or anything and right now I just find it unbelievable. Ive known Liam for so long and he has never let me down like he did. He's never said something like that to me in the years that I've known him. So school is tomorrow and I just don't know what to do. I don't ever want to see him again, but I will have to sooner or later. I'm afraid he's going to tell people and its going to get out.. help me please. I need some advice on what to do

******David is Better now! Liam Apologized,truly, and they are both good. You can now stop saying bad things about Liam. and there was a wierd twist in the end. David will not be coming back on.*******

[FreeFall]

There's nothing you, I'm so sorry. If it comes out, be damn proud you're human. If you stress out over trying to keep it a secret, he'll know right away and you'll worry yourself right into his hand like putty. Trust in what good can come out of something like that, it'll give you an edge.

That's not a friend either. That's an asshole. He's insensitive, thoughtless, crass and mean. If he tries to apologize and say it's all a joke and he didn't mean anything by it, that's an empty apology, aka fake and a basically get over it card.
I wish you luck!

[rockymountainway]

Things like this are never easy. I'll try to give some good advice.

First off, let's be honest in saying your friend is an asshole. Even if you've known him all your life, saying a thing like that is horrible and rude, not to mention extremely close-minded. I know losing friends can be hard, but sometimes one thing they do can lead to the end of a friendship.

If this issue was something...less risky, I guess?...then you could just tell him to fuck off and never speak to him again. But it sounds like you can't just say that in this situation. I'd suggest meeting him in person, somewhere fairly secluded but not totally private (in a park, for instance). Tell him to his face that what he said was really offensive and you aren't happy with him. Explain to him that spreading around what you told him could give you hell at school. If he has any bit of decency in him, he'll realize what he did was wrong and will probably listen to you. Don't sound pleading, sound assertive and confident. If you start begging and pleading, he might take advantage of that.

If that doesn't work, keep on trying. If nothing works, just tell him that you're really disappointed in him. If you've been really close to him for so long, hopefully some part of him will feel guilty for what he did. Try not to be unkind to him, no matter how angry you are.

Hang in there, David. I've seen some of your posts on here and you seem like a really cool guy. If Liam can't see that in you because he can't look past his stupid ignorance, he's not worth being friends with. It'll be hard, but no matter what happens, you can get through it. Stay strong bro.

[dontfiguremeout]

That guy has no class at all. Nor do I think is a good friend anymore. I'm straight, but if any of my friends tell me they were, I would support them, because I know it's an extremely though time for them, and also that's what best friends do! But you know what, how bout you call him tonight? Talk things through with him, and tell him how you feel, and that this really wouldn't interfere with your friendship, because I think what gets guys is when they find out their friend is gay, and they think it's all about the sexual part, which it is not! So you need to tell him that! And don't be afraid for tomorrow. If it gets out, then it's meant to be, and be proud of who you are! Nothing upsets me more is when I find out people are scared of who they are! If you need more advice, just pm me!

[Nathan Numberless]

I'm straight, but if I were you, and maybe not even gay in that situation, I would make him suck on a knife.

He's so extremely homophobic that he just ended your huge entire friendship right there. Just cuz you said 'I'm gay'. Those kind of people disgust me.
He doesn't deserve to be your friend.

[horizonlooker]

What an asshole. Honestly. It's one thing if he doesn't agree with you being gay, but to say something like that? C'mon, that's not even something you say to anyone. Like who cares that you're interested in guys.
The fact that you have to see him tomorrow in school may be a good thing. If he decides to be a douchebag and let it get out, embrace it and be proud. Do you care that you're gay? Eventually it's gonna get out, whether you tell them, or he does. You're probably still coming to terms to it (not in a bad way, though).
He's not a fucking friend, and he doesn't deserve to be your friend.

[The Flash]

I know u already told me what happened, but my heart just drops when reading this.
you poor thing :( wish i could just give you a big bear hug!

[West Coast Sheriff]

Sorry, but if he's gonna b. dick he's not worth ur time.

[Jupiter]

wow what a dickface.

Listen to me. You are a beautiful person and you do NOT deserve to be treated like that. He may have been a friend but he certainly was not a true friend. If something small as liking a different sex REALLY offends him as much to call you names and embarrass you like that then you certainly deserve better. Luckily none of the people I have came out to has said anything about it to anyone else, and only talks to me. It was an amazing experience, coming out, and I'm glad that it was good. But unfortunately you had a bad experience and I want you to know that not everyone is going to be a douche like that. I'm sorry that someone said that, and you need to know that homophobia is a terrible thing, they are the one's who are wrong. Not you. Personal message me when you want, buddy.

[joshstar]

i dont think he was being nasty he probably didnt no what 2 say and said that trying 2 b funny. i hope its ok when u c him 2morrow let me know how it goes. x ps good 4 u 4 cumming out im still very chicken 2 do it

[dedee]

thats not a friend .. a real friend is always there no matter what.
But maybe he was just in shock give him time maybe he'll apologize

[companioncube]

Thank you everyone so much.. you guys have given me so much support and advice, its amazing. I reallt feel a lot better knowing that you guys are here. :) Liam texted me his "apology"about an hour ago.. this is verbatim:

"im sorry I said that its just becaus or a fag and that is wrong" after about 15 minutes of me not respondig hr said, "are you mad at me? I said I was sorry"

i didn't reply back yet, I'm even more shocked at what he just texted me, I can't even say anything anymore.. I'm for sure never going to forgive him for this, and his "apology" is so.. I don't even know how to explain it. I'm just going to ignore him tomorrow. I really can deal with this. I don't have the confidence or courage because those words he said just degraded me down so much. I'm going to just sleep and face whatever is thrown at me. Good night, guys. :'(

[dontfiguremeout]

Why are you going to do that? How bout you actually call him to see if he's telling the truth and not texting something fake! Now I know what he said is offensive but you can't let that down! To be honest and sadly, that is just the beginning, so you really need to become tough, and throw people off guard when they say that to you saying, "Thank you for the compliment." And leave. It will throw them off guard so badly, they won't mess with you again!

[companioncube]

I don't know.. I'll just see what happens.

[dontfiguremeout]

Don't let yourself down! Whatever you do! It's going to be a hard time for you, but most suicides are because gay teens can't handle the pressure. If you start out tough, you will end tough! Just remember that! And have a good day at school tomorrow! (any questions, give me a pm)

[Stryker125]

First off, you gotta forgive him. Even though you probably don't want to. Yeah, it was fucked up, and he's definitely a dick for doing what he did. But holding grudges is a waste of time. Forgive him and move on.

Also, you gotta be completely comfortable with yourself, and confident. If if does end up getting out, which it probably will, being shy and insecure about it won't help.

As for his apology text, even if he thinks it's wrong, he should at least support you and treat you with respect. That's what friends do. It's hard to say he's not really a friend, since you've known him so long, but friends don't act the way he did. That said though, try seeing things from his point of view. He just found out that he didn't know his best friend as well as the thought he did. Maybe he's confused and a little bit hurt, and had no idea how to respond, so he said the first rude thing that popped in his head.

Main point: You're gonna have to talk to him at some point. Even if you manage to completely avoid him at school, it's just not right to break all communication with him so suddenly, even if he did act like a dick. Let him know how you felt when he said what he said, and that friends don't say those things to friends. Let him know that you'd still like to be friends, and that you forgive him, but if he keeps acting like a dick you won't be friends anymore. You don't need that negativity in your life. Especially now.

[Nathan Numberless]

That wasn't an apology.
You could forgive him....
...and then watch him the next day going all 'hey everybody! davids a fag! He's diferint ! He's bad cuz he likkes the same sex! Lets tie him to a fence !'
Or you could...
-go over to his house at night.
-break the window to his room.
-climb inside.
-bash his head against the doornob.
-rip his nose off.
-stomp on his arm untill it's in splinters.
-rip his....


...Wait, what did I just say?
Retaliate with violence?
That never solves anything!
Move to canada, we will gladly accept you in our pro-lgbt community. Don't do like I would and beat him up... Do something else...



like...


um...



The suggestions above ©______©

[metsochist]

It's stories like this that make life harder than it has to be. The first, and truly most important thing is to recognize yourself for who you are. No one, no matter what they say can take that away; in that knowledge lies all of our strength.

Forgive, but don't forget. I truly believe that people are capable of dramatic and honest change. Accept that this person is misinformed forgive his ignorance but don't forget his words. Be honest and straightforward with him, when you feel comfortable.

If your relationship is as strong as you thought it was, he will come around. It won't be easy. But, in your own way you have a chance to make a difference in his life and enlighten him. Show him why he is wrong by being honest with him. If he can't come around, have pity for him and let the friendship go.

[nice]

The apology was all and all still kinda rude u need to talk to him about it or beat his ass

[FreeFall]

That's what I meant by fake apology. He didn't say sorry in any of that, he only thinks he did, he's not even sorry. Here's what he really meant:

"Hey I'm sorry you got all offended but I believe being gay is wrong so, I'm going to invalidate your feelings, call you a derogatory word for gay cuz that really shows how sorry I am, tell you that you're wrong now you really see how sorry I am, and pretty much make it sound like you're overreacting cuz I think I'm saying the truth."

They were empty words. And the second one:

"I said I'm sorry so stop being so offended. Obviously when you say sorry you're supposed to act like nothing ever happened."

Had he really meant sorry it should've looked something like 'Hey man, I'm an asshole. You trusted me with something like that and I was so wrong to say what I did. I shouldn't have attacked you like that or degraded you, you're my friend and I'm sorry I was an ass.' Not, 'sorry is a magic word and fixes everything even when I don't acknowledge what I did wrong'.

You should find out how forgive him, for your sake. But forgiveness does not mean you have to forget. You can forgive him for having done what he did, but you don't need to forget it. Forgiveness also doesn't mean everything's smoothed over and in the past, it's just something you won't be letting tear you down anymore. You remember so you can see how icky a person he is, you remember so he doesn't get a chance to be so hateful again, but you forgive to put yourself at peace.

[OregonStateDude]

Yeah, I will agree with FreeFall, that apology is shit. If one of my friends ever said something like that to me, he would have to apologize in person. No texts, no e-mails, no fucking phone call. In person only.

It doesn't even matter that Liam was caught off guard, I don't think he realizes how hateful his little comment was. This is a guy who is supposed to be your close friend and then he stabs you in the back like that?

Let's just hope he keeps his mouth shut, 'cuz if he outs you to the whole school then he is truly the king of all douchebags. :eek:

[Foamy]

David, I know this is really hard for yoü right now. But you gotta keep your head held high and meet with him somewhere. Demand, not ask, not beg, demand for a sincere apology. If you have to, use the "I thought you were my friend" dejected stance and go from tere. If he keeps on calling you fag and shit like that go to an adult at school and report it as bullying.

[horizonlooker]

Real friends stick around through thick & thin. Not that being gay is a bad thing. But he should be able to accept the fact that you're gay and still be your friend. Everyone I know has something to say about gays, but most of my friends don't mean it. Hence I haven't come out, except for...2 people. If he doesn't accept it, then he's not a real friend. I'm sure that you'll be able to find another friend that accepts the real David.
Sometimes it's the people you think you know the most, that you truly know the least.

[TheCoolKid1337]

That's just sad.

He obviously doesn't care because that wasn't an apology. I'd say just get over with it and be proud. So what about what everyone else thinks? To me, all that matters is I know it's okay and not to be ashamed. If I took in every mean comment or everytime I was called gay as a torment, i'd be in a mental hospital. Overall if you still want to be his friend that's fine, but if you don't he can learn why.

[companioncube]

he told everyone. Liam told several people and it spread.. It was and I rally don't want to talk anymore. I'm at the point of sobbing. You know how many people freaking snickered at me and said stuff like that to me? It ruined my first day and I cant believe how fast it went downhill. I had to take several bathroom breaksbjusto sob in the stall. I can't believe how many people don't have a fucking heart because nobody stood up for me. I can't talk and I don't think I'm going to be on for a while. I don't want to go to school anymore or go out in public. Eventually my family will find out because my sister goes to my school and I'm just not ready. Its all my fucking fault for telling him in the first place

I just want to kill myself now. I feel like nothing. Another fucking waste.

I'm sorry guys. Bye and I hope to see you soon again..

:)

[companioncube]

And I'm sorry for spilling everything out.. I have no one else to talk about this to

[Neptune]

Oh man, I am sorry. Your comment about ''just wanting to kill yourself,'' I'm not exactly sure whether that was serious or just a figure of speech. If it is serious, then, man, don't. Stay strong. Report the incidents of bullying. Most districts are very anti - bullying. And remember, Liam will get what is coming to him eventually. What comes around, goes around.

[nice]

Like I said earlier I will always be here if you need to help talk or just vent

[metsochist]

you can't leave here man. this is the only place where people who have faced the same problems can help you. we all need each other. I hope you read this.

[FreeFall]

Oh dear ((huuuggggsssss))

You can take the time you need to clear your head but I suggest you stick around here. VT is a safe place, teens come here to be safe and feel secure, not judged. The Mods are very good about taking care of those that happen to be rotten apples. When you feel down, alone or scared you can come right back and fall into the open arms here to support you. Good luck, please feel better.

[TigerBoy]

Really hope we'll see you back soon. Hugs.

One of the reasons I came out was because I wanted the gay boys to know I was available ... it's a tough time for you right now, but it may help you through it if you remember there is a good chance you could get something really good out of this situation.

[Stijne]

That's just terrible, man. :/ I can't believe how harsh people can be.. I mean, really? I feel bad already in your place. Anyhow, don't kill yourself. :/ It ain't worth a life. Stay strong, and report the incidents.

[Thanatos]

And I'm sorry for spilling everything out.. I have no one else to talk about this to

I guarantee you that everyone on here is willing to talk or listen for however long you need. I know I am always willing to listen on here, skype, email whatever.

As for your 'friend' and his actions. To be honest with everyone thats kind of the exact reaction I would expect. First off we are talking about 13 year olds, the mental development among 13 year old boys is so varied in maturity that you can't judge. While you've been busy contemplating your sexuality, your friend has probably never had to think that way and so is unused to it. He also may have been raised thinking that gay is wrong, and its really hard for someone to accept what theyve been raised to reject.

Next, his reaction in school may or may not have been purposefully, suppose he told a couple of close friends and they spread it. I agree it was wrong of him to do, but it's not like you told him to keep it a secret, plus he probably went from being sorry to being angry if you didnt respond to his texts or responded negatively and that would contribute to his actions.

I'm not saying he's right, I'm not saying you are wrong. I completely understand and sympathize with you, just playing Devil's Advocate and making people think rather then blindly condemn the kid.

[JackieSmith]

Wow, I feel bad for you. He's obviously not a good enough friend to come to terms with your personality so just be wary with him. He could also be in shock too, so just give it a wait. Good Luck.

[companioncube]

Guys, I have some one to vent and talk to, its okay. Im talking to Danny and hes really nice and sweet.

[waffle]

I too had to crush on my best friend. I ended up telling him about 4 months ago. He just told me he never thought of me that way, I was upset, but we eventually moved on and it's like nothing ever happened. We're actually closer than we were before I told him. Maybe it's because he knows I'd never do anything to hurt him and that I care for him alot. I hope everything turns out okay for you and worse case if he tell people, you'll find out who your true friends are and who are the fake ones.

[The Flash]

Guys, he is Feeling BETTER now, MUCH MUCH Better!
Something GREAT happened to him today!
Thats all i will say! becuz he wont want me to spoil anything!
he may explain everything soon! hes really happy now!
-Daniel aka Danny

[TigerBoy]

Guys, he is Feeling BETTER now, MUCH MUCH Better!
Something GREAT happened to him today!
Thats all i will say! becuz he wont want me to spoil anything!
he may explain everything soon! hes really happy now!
-Daniel aka Danny

Good to know thanks for sharing Danny. I know people have been worried he's ok with how this went down.

[Professional Russian]

Thats wht we would call an asshole a Class A Asshole.

If your "Closet Friend" said that to you trust me he's not your closet friend. No Friend should do that anyone. thats just fucked up. If it were me i wouldnt talk to him again

[ECSTASY]

he told everyone. Liam told several people and it spread.. It was and I rally don't want to talk anymore. I'm at the point of sobbing. You know how many people freaking snickered at me and said stuff like that to me? It ruined my first day and I cant believe how fast it went downhill. I had to take several bathroom breaksbjusto sob in the stall. I can't believe how many people don't have a fucking heart because nobody stood up for me. I can't talk and I don't think I'm going to be on for a while. I don't want to go to school anymore or go out in public. Eventually my family will find out because my sister goes to my school and I'm just not ready. Its all my fucking fault for telling him in the first place

I just want to kill myself now. I feel like nothing. Another fucking waste.

I'm sorry guys. Bye and I hope to see you soon again..

:)

we are all here to help you mate . just continue going to school bro , don't take serious what people say. go to school and study for a better future ;)
they are just a mother****ing a**hole.

And I'm sorry for spilling everything out.. I have no one else to talk about this to
you could just talk with us ;)

[ImCoolBeans]

People like that are not worth your time or effort in the long run. He handled it very immaturely and proved to not be the friend who you thought he was. I'm so sorry that things turned out this way for you. No matter what you need to understand that you are not alone and that all of us are here and willing to help in any way we can. Friends can do some pretty messed up things, and betrayal is probably the worst of them all. You are not disgusting, you are not worthless, you are not "wrong" for being who you are. He is clearly very ignorant and is not a good friend at all. The best thing you can do now is move on and let the past stay behind you. If you need anything don't hesitate to PM me, or any of us. We all are here to help and want to see you get through this. Best of luck with everything, buddy.

[waffle]

Guys, he is Feeling BETTER now, MUCH MUCH Better!
Something GREAT happened to him today!
Thats all i will say! becuz he wont want me to spoil anything!
he may explain everything soon! hes really happy now!
-Daniel aka Danny

That's good, I'm glad to see you're better

[Lucky_socks]

Well then, glad you've found someone to talk to about this. Hope your situation works out at school ;).

This doesn't make me look forward to telling my friends though...

[FreeFall]

How'd I miss this? I'm glad you've got someone to confide in and the support you need! Congrats! : D