LoveMe_HateMe
September 3rd, 2012, 04:31 PM
I have this feeling, this ache in my chest that I can't seem to get rid off. I don't even know how to describe it, it's an ache for something better to come along. Something good to happen.
Back to college in the morning, and I am dreading it so much. The urges that I've been fighting so hard to defeat are coming rushing back. The feelings from last year of being isolated, lonely, scared, anxious, depressed. Everything is coming back in full force, it's scaring me. Not even started back yet and I already want the year to be over. I hate it at college. So much that I pull sickies to get away, just so I can avoid everyone and everything about college. I hate the place - but I need the qualifications to get into University next year.
My hands are shaking, I'm struggling to keep the tears away, I'm so close to breakdown and I don't know what to do. I'm not going to be able to cope, I struggled enough last year, no idea how I'm going to cope this year with there being more pressures. I need to get good grades, I need to work to get the money for Uni, I'm probably going to end up exhausting myself.
I want a shower, but I know what'll happen if I go and have one. I'm scared of what may happen tonight. I'm on my own for a change and I... I just don't know how I'm going to keep it together. How I'm going to keep the "I'm happy and everything is okay" mask on.
I just want to disappear.
Back to college in the morning, and I am dreading it so much. The urges that I've been fighting so hard to defeat are coming rushing back. The feelings from last year of being isolated, lonely, scared, anxious, depressed. Everything is coming back in full force, it's scaring me. Not even started back yet and I already want the year to be over. I hate it at college. So much that I pull sickies to get away, just so I can avoid everyone and everything about college. I hate the place - but I need the qualifications to get into University next year.
My hands are shaking, I'm struggling to keep the tears away, I'm so close to breakdown and I don't know what to do. I'm not going to be able to cope, I struggled enough last year, no idea how I'm going to cope this year with there being more pressures. I need to get good grades, I need to work to get the money for Uni, I'm probably going to end up exhausting myself.
I want a shower, but I know what'll happen if I go and have one. I'm scared of what may happen tonight. I'm on my own for a change and I... I just don't know how I'm going to keep it together. How I'm going to keep the "I'm happy and everything is okay" mask on.
I just want to disappear.