Tempted. So hard.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Tempted to go back to burning/scratching as well as cutting. I hate how dependent I've become on pain. It's always there, every moment of the day. Everyday.

It was torture yesterday. Me having urges to cut (really bad) and having to put on a "happy-face" because it was my birthday. It was so draining, I can't begin to describe it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore... Really struggling to deal with everything.

My girlfriend doesn't even know I've started cutting again... Well I don't think she does, knowing her she probably does know, just isn't saying anything.

[EDIT:] Getting to the point where I just want to mess my arm up so bad that I don't care whether I end up in hospital or not.

[bigfoot]

don't go back to cutting, please. i know its hard but resist the urges. PM me if you want to talk, I'll get back to you ASAP.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Already gone back to cutting, never really got away from it in the first place. Too late for that now.

[bigfoot]

oh yeah same situation here :/ . i really need to quit...

[Nathan Numberless]

Lol, It's not too late to stop cutting.
You can stop now. We can support you!

[LoveMe_HateMe]

oh yeah same situation here :/ . i really need to quit...

I've been "needing to quit" for three years... Longest I've manged was 2ish months.

Lol, It's not too late to stop cutting.
You can stop now. We can support you!

It doesn't matter how much support I get, it just makes me fall harder in the end. Plus, I don't want to be letting anyone down.
It is too late for me to stop cutting - nothing can substitute the feeling, so I can't "get over it". I don't know, I'm just screwed either way.

[FullyAlive]

You aren't screwed either way and its never too late to stop. I've been cutting since early February 2010, 2 and a half years just a bit less than you but slowly I am recovering and I know you can too. Have you received or are you receiving any professional help? If you aren't would you consider it? A little bit of extra support could go a long way. But ultimately its down to you. You don't really want to let something like self harm control you do you? To have to cover your self up for ever? To fight urges every time you see something remotely sharp? You know that really you want to move on, you're just so stuck in this habit that you don't realise it. You need to make a conscious choice that you're going to recover and from then give it your all. Talk to your girlfriend, get all your distractions ready and try your best. You can beat this and deep down you know you want to.

[nice]

Don't cut or burn ik you may want to but in the future u will love that you beat your addiction to it

[LoveMe_HateMe]

You aren't screwed either way and its never too late to stop. I've been cutting since early February 2010, 2 and a half years just a bit less than you but slowly I am recovering and I know you can too. Have you received or are you receiving any professional help? If you aren't would you consider it? A little bit of extra support could go a long way. But ultimately its down to you. You don't really want to let something like self harm control you do you? To have to cover your self up for ever? To fight urges every time you see something remotely sharp? You know that really you want to move on, you're just so stuck in this habit that you don't realise it. You need to make a conscious choice that you're going to recover and from then give it your all. Talk to your girlfriend, get all your distractions ready and try your best. You can beat this and deep down you know you want to.

Saw the college counselor for two weeks and I didn't like it, so I stopped going. As with the whole letting self harm control me, I've got used to it, it's a part of me now, I, as stupid as it sounds I can't imagine myself without the "monster" now, it scares me think about it - because i know that if I lose control, the monster takes control which ultimately means that I am actually still in control, because it's inside of me, and a part of me... Does that even make sense? I' not even sure anymore... I don't have the energy or strength to beat this, not at the moment anyway... I don't have the strength to go and ask for help, not face to face anyway. It's different online, you still have anonymity (not sure if that's the right word I'm looking for...).

Don't cut or burn ik you may want to but in the future u will love that you beat your addiction to it

One problem with that... I think I like my scars too much to let them go...

[FullyAlive]

If you're in control of the 'monster' as you refer to it because its part of you, then in theory you can stop right? Try it, next time you have an urge say to yourself no and don't act on it, if for no other reason than just to prove to me you're in control. If you can stop yourself then that's a really good thing, if you can't then maybe you have to consider its not you in control.

You do have the strength to beat this, you really do. The first parts the hardest part, overcoming the first few urges takes all the strength you've got but its possible and once you've done that you can carry on you really can.

If you can't stop cold turkey (that is just stop one day and not cut) then could you not try and reduce the frequency of you cutting. If you cut daily perhaps try to only cut five days a week or something like that, and keep reducing the number of days you're allowed to cut. You can beat this if only you'd try.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I didn't cut last night, if that counts?

Really scared that I'm going to mess up tonight. Maybe I'm not in control, maybe it's just an excuse that I've come up with to try and convince myself that I am in control. I don't know. Everything is just such a mess. I'm struggling to put everything back into order.

I never normally cut on daily basis, normally I let them heal (mostly if not fully) before I do more, it's normally only the odd times that I do it daily and then it's only for a week or two.

I've just got everything coming down on me again and I'm not sure how to deal with it all anymore.

Why can't I just deal with things like the average person does.

[JackieSmith]

Hi there! Don't cut! It's really not good for you. I know that's what everyone says but truely you've gotta get out of it. Try to get into more hobbies and get your mind off the negative problems and the urges that make you want to cut. Try to spend more time with family and keep yourself in public areas so you don't cut immediately. Take whatever your cutting yourself with and put it somewhere public like the kitchen or the lounge. Good Luck mate.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Hi there! Don't cut! It's really not good for you. I know that's what everyone says but truely you've gotta get out of it. Try to get into more hobbies and get your mind off the negative problems and the urges that make you want to cut. Try to spend more time with family and keep yourself in public areas so you don't cut immediately. Take whatever your cutting yourself with and put it somewhere public like the kitchen or the lounge. Good Luck mate.

I know it's not good, trust me. If I could avoid being in the situation and turn back time I would never of made that first cut and got into this horrible cycle.

I don't have time to pick up more hobbies, I'm already struggling to juggle work, college, seeing my girlfriend and going to the gym, and problems that are arising around me, I don't physically have time to do anything else. Family and people are quite often the reason why I cut. I can't exactly leave my razor blades in the kitchen or lounge - my parents will know straight away that I've not stopped.

The reason why I'm cutting/SH again at the moment is I'm just desperately trying to keep my head above water and not drown and pain is the only way I can do that at the minute.

I'm just really struggling at the minute and I don't know how to cope with it all. I wish that I wasn't a self harmer and that I could deal with my problems another way. But I cant.

[Jupiter]

I am sorry you are feeling tempted. I know that you can fight it. You are stronger and you can fight it. If you are doing it, you know that it's just a slip up. It's a long trip to recovery. How bad do you want to be recovered?

Yeah, happy birthday. I know what you mean about the birthday urges, that happens to me and I know what it's like to have those. It's the hardest thing, yet you managed to do that and you are way stronger than I am. <3

Do you want your girlfriend to find out?

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I am sorry you are feeling tempted. I know that you can fight it. You are stronger and you can fight it. If you are doing it, you know that it's just a slip up. It's a long trip to recovery. How bad do you want to be recovered?

Yeah, happy birthday. I know what you mean about the birthday urges, that happens to me and I know what it's like to have those. It's the hardest thing, yet you managed to do that and you are way stronger than I am. <3

Do you want your girlfriend to find out?

I don't know, I'm not sure that I want to recover, but then I know that t would be the right thing to do, so I'm really not sure.

Thank you <3

And no, not really. She knows something isn't right, but I don't want to tell her, it'l hurt her too much.