MemoriesLost
September 2nd, 2012, 02:11 PM
I haven't cut again. Yet.
I've felt a desperation to keep my non-self harm streak going, but it has been fading. My urges are blocking it away and I hardly ever think about it anymore. I haven't straight up cut yet, but I catch myself doing things without thinking. In this god forsaken school I'm in, people have been making my anger and pain rise up high enough that I'm unconsciously hurting myself.
I've scratched holes in my arms in places, I've bruised myself up with forced clumsiness, I broke my knuckles punching the freaking wall, etc. I don't even know what to do anymore. I should probably tell you what's throwing me off then, huh?
There are people here that are just straight up fakers. It may seem silly to some of you, but this infuriates me so much I would gladly murder said people on the spot. Girls here make pitiful little scratches on their arms and boohoo about how awful their lives are to anyone who will listen. They claim they've committed suicide and hardly ever feel happiness. Ten minutes later they are hanging out with the most popular people in the school and laughing their heads off.
One girl even had the nerve to come up to me and tell me all her sob stories despite my telling her I didn't want to hear it. She asked me how I vented when I was stressed and I just said writing. She went on about how "Oh, me too," and bragged about how she always won contests for POETRY and had her deviantart for years and had thousands of viewers. BS.
Bet she didn't think I would check. She joined DA this week, has zero viewers, and never won anything. Her writings are crap also. Go ahead then, tell me there's no reason to be so ticked and urged by this. I already know.
I've felt a desperation to keep my non-self harm streak going, but it has been fading. My urges are blocking it away and I hardly ever think about it anymore. I haven't straight up cut yet, but I catch myself doing things without thinking. In this god forsaken school I'm in, people have been making my anger and pain rise up high enough that I'm unconsciously hurting myself.
I've scratched holes in my arms in places, I've bruised myself up with forced clumsiness, I broke my knuckles punching the freaking wall, etc. I don't even know what to do anymore. I should probably tell you what's throwing me off then, huh?
There are people here that are just straight up fakers. It may seem silly to some of you, but this infuriates me so much I would gladly murder said people on the spot. Girls here make pitiful little scratches on their arms and boohoo about how awful their lives are to anyone who will listen. They claim they've committed suicide and hardly ever feel happiness. Ten minutes later they are hanging out with the most popular people in the school and laughing their heads off.
One girl even had the nerve to come up to me and tell me all her sob stories despite my telling her I didn't want to hear it. She asked me how I vented when I was stressed and I just said writing. She went on about how "Oh, me too," and bragged about how she always won contests for POETRY and had her deviantart for years and had thousands of viewers. BS.
Bet she didn't think I would check. She joined DA this week, has zero viewers, and never won anything. Her writings are crap also. Go ahead then, tell me there's no reason to be so ticked and urged by this. I already know.