I want to start again

[survivor]

When I was 12 I became depressed and suicidal. I started cutting and was admitted into a psych ward. After being released I continued to cut. I haven't cut for a year now, but i feel depressed. I keep wanting to cut myself. I don't want to start again, I don't want to go through the pain. What do I do

[Desuetude]

A year is such an amazing achievement. You've done so well to get this far and you've come to ask for help when you've found yourself in trouble. It shows that you don't really want to relapse, you've proved to yourself that you can resist the urges. Distractions can help, surround yourself with people, run, draw, vent in a diary, cook, exercise, talk to someone you trust, just do something you enjoy. Anything can be a distraction.

Is there anyone in real life that you know and feel as though you can trust to talk about how you're feeling?

[survivor]

It took so long for me to stop, and I'm just afraid of what will happen again. I don't have many people I trust because of how people found out i was suicidal a few years ago. When I go to school people joke about suicide and I sometimes start crying. My reactions to this have become worse lately and my urge to cut is stronger. I'm scared and I cry myself to sleep.:confused:

[CyanideGoodnight]

First of all, congrats on going a year without cutting. I still self harm but don't cut anymore, but I know how you feel. It's not worth it. It really really isn't. How did you stop? Did you use coping methods? If you did then use those same coping mechanisms to prevent yourself from relapsing.

If you're like me and did it with hellbent determination, then coping mechanisms include writing, reading, taking a run, listening to music, meditating, taking a long shower, and talking with a friend. If a friend isn't available you ALWAYS have us here.

You know you don't want it, and know it's not worth it. Stay strong, you can do it <3

[survivor]

I stopped by determination. I through away my razors and said I wouldn't buy more until I stopped. I turned to writing poetry and short stories. Other than that I don't know how I stopped. When I first tried I ended up using a piece of rock to cut myself. I could throw away sharp stuff again, but I'm fifteen now I can't go two days without a razor let alone two months and now I can go out on my own and buy a razor. I don't know if what worked last time will work again

[CyanideGoodnight]

Then use other methods. Don't do what I did, either. I just replaced cutting with... well.. a shit ton of other things. I used less harmful ways of cutting and I started to/ still have issues with my body and food because I need that control.

Do you write? Writing is an AMAZING thing. It lets you get out what you can't say... it's your own personal thing that no one can touch or take away.

Stay away from things that trigger you. Do other things, distractions also work.

Also, if you don't know what the reason you started (for me it was most likely control issues) then you should try to pin it down and attack THAT. If you attack the reason you cut then not cutting will be easier. Targeting it is a lot harder than it sounds though.

[survivor]

I write, yes. I love to write. I also know why I started cutting. I started cutting because I am an autistic savant and I cannot adjust to change well. My reactions to moving at age twelve because of my autism were weird and caused me to be bullied which pushed me over the edge. This time its not bullying or moving though. This time I think its the fact that I don't know how to deal with the shit that bugs me.

[CyanideGoodnight]

Then as I said target the issue and not your body. It's a hard long road to recovery. You may slip up sometimes, but that's ok, we all do here and there.

Best of luck, and we're always here for you <3

[survivor]

I am so sa, so low. I was thinking about starting again and then my dog bites my sister. My parents want to give away my dog. I have has this dog for four years, since he was ten months old. The thought of maybe losing him makes me want to curl up in a hole somewhere and cut. I don't know what to do:confused:.

[christer]

tell your parents how you feel about giving it away

[survivor]

They know how I feel about it, the second they brought it up I burst into tears. I don't know what to do

[CyanideGoodnight]

The dog bit your sibling ONCE? Or many times? either way, try to suggest training for your dog instead of giving it away.

[survivor]

He bit my sister once.

[CyanideGoodnight]

Then suggest training. I'm sure it was an accident. Perhaps your sister provoked the dog and it was in defense. I highly doubt it'll happen again if you've had the dog for a while without incident outside of that one. Explain that to your parental units, and I hope everything turns out okay in the end :)