whaler7626
August 30th, 2012, 11:39 PM
Ok, so I am currently in a state of mental despair as my mind continually questions every little thing I do. This all started after a year of deprivation from boating (of which I know I love) wherein I spent the whole year telling myself that boating is what I love to do and will always do. Well then this July we went back out to the lake after a hiatus of a year and it was so stressful (lots of family dynamics and narcissism from my grandparents of which the boats belong to) that I didn't have fun. This is where it all began, afterward I questioned "now do you really like boating?" "you were convinced the whole year you were". This question daunted me all the time, even on the following boat rides, which in turn was a mistake cause if you spend the whole boat ride worrying if you'll have fun, you won't have fun. Well as you can expect, now that the most certain thing to me was uncertain, can't this lead to other uncertainties? And so it did, and within days I questioned all that I knew that i believed in and knew my self to be (ie my sexuality [im straight], my faith, political views, what I love etc.). This all occurred with the phrase in my mind "well John now how do you KNOW you like/love/believe this?" The only break I get from these constant worries is sleep, then within an hour of waking up, I'll remember all that I was worrying about knowing if I liked/believed in the day before. This has even led to the question of why have the will to live.... I am on dire need of help, and an answer as to how to stop these questions, and revert back to who I was before that first question was asked. Any help would be much appreciated.