Navi
August 29th, 2012, 02:42 AM
I really didn't want to post anything, since I try not to reach out and try to seek help, but I'm kinda crossing that line where I think I might end up trying to do something crazy.
Really, I don't know what's going on. I guess you could say it started a month ago. My summer job was ending and I moved in to crash with my "gramma" for a bit. Okay, no big deal. Moving in with gramma will help me get on track with school and everything, and I can stay out of mom's hair. Well, here I am, a month later, barely touching my schoolwork. Lounging around all day like some sloth. My sleep schedule is all screwed up, I try to eat little as possible and drink when I need to.
I'm just not happy. That's what I come to VT for. The chat room, it keeps me entertained and my mind off of things. (which, by the way, you all rock) You all know me, I'm usually jubilant and whatever. Well, I just feel the complete opposite.
Whenever I see my mom, we usually end up arguing, so the rest of the time I spend with her goes stale. My gramma and I usually end up arguing over my schoolwork, and her telling me to "just get your GED and get out of here and put everything behind me". At this point, I really dont know what I want to education wise. I mean, yeah, it would be nice to get an education, but, I just don't feel like I have the motivation to do it. Even thinking about moving away doesn't work.
The only times I look forward to now is Sunday morning, so I can help out with the Sunday school stuff for the kids. Working with the kids is pretty much the only thing I'll do. It's a blast to get to hang out with me, I think they're awesome, they think I'm pretty cool. Other than that, I don't have anyone.
I have my friend, that I hang out with, and his family. His family also really do watch out for me whenever i talk to them or whatever, they kinda consider me one of their own in a way. That's one reason why I don't wanna do anything stupid. His family enjoys me being around, and I don't wanna hurt my friend and his family.
I don't want to see a doctor or a therapist or anything, because, well, my problems aren't worth seeing one over, and, I don't want them prescribing me anything. I don't need to turn into some kind of zombie. Hell, posting in here is one heck of an effort for me to make. Like I said, usually, I don't like reaching out to get help, I try to take care of it myself, but this feels like a situation I keep digging myself into a deeper hole of shit. Usually, I'm the one that tries to give help, not ask for it. Is this what I get for trying to care for so many people? I care for other people than I care for myself?
sorry if this post doesn't make sense, but, really, I don't even know anymore. But basically, like, in layman's terms, what should I do? Obviously something's gonna happen if this same thing happens every day for awhile.
If you made it all the way through, you deserve a pat on the back. Seriously.
Thank you so much (in advance) for any help/advice you post!
Brice :)
Really, I don't know what's going on. I guess you could say it started a month ago. My summer job was ending and I moved in to crash with my "gramma" for a bit. Okay, no big deal. Moving in with gramma will help me get on track with school and everything, and I can stay out of mom's hair. Well, here I am, a month later, barely touching my schoolwork. Lounging around all day like some sloth. My sleep schedule is all screwed up, I try to eat little as possible and drink when I need to.
I'm just not happy. That's what I come to VT for. The chat room, it keeps me entertained and my mind off of things. (which, by the way, you all rock) You all know me, I'm usually jubilant and whatever. Well, I just feel the complete opposite.
Whenever I see my mom, we usually end up arguing, so the rest of the time I spend with her goes stale. My gramma and I usually end up arguing over my schoolwork, and her telling me to "just get your GED and get out of here and put everything behind me". At this point, I really dont know what I want to education wise. I mean, yeah, it would be nice to get an education, but, I just don't feel like I have the motivation to do it. Even thinking about moving away doesn't work.
The only times I look forward to now is Sunday morning, so I can help out with the Sunday school stuff for the kids. Working with the kids is pretty much the only thing I'll do. It's a blast to get to hang out with me, I think they're awesome, they think I'm pretty cool. Other than that, I don't have anyone.
I have my friend, that I hang out with, and his family. His family also really do watch out for me whenever i talk to them or whatever, they kinda consider me one of their own in a way. That's one reason why I don't wanna do anything stupid. His family enjoys me being around, and I don't wanna hurt my friend and his family.
I don't want to see a doctor or a therapist or anything, because, well, my problems aren't worth seeing one over, and, I don't want them prescribing me anything. I don't need to turn into some kind of zombie. Hell, posting in here is one heck of an effort for me to make. Like I said, usually, I don't like reaching out to get help, I try to take care of it myself, but this feels like a situation I keep digging myself into a deeper hole of shit. Usually, I'm the one that tries to give help, not ask for it. Is this what I get for trying to care for so many people? I care for other people than I care for myself?
sorry if this post doesn't make sense, but, really, I don't even know anymore. But basically, like, in layman's terms, what should I do? Obviously something's gonna happen if this same thing happens every day for awhile.
If you made it all the way through, you deserve a pat on the back. Seriously.
Thank you so much (in advance) for any help/advice you post!
Brice :)