AwkwardTurtle22
August 28th, 2012, 10:09 PM
I have been cutting for almost 10 months. I know that's not as long as compared to many others but self harm is self harm. It's a horrible thing and as much as it "helps" it makes things worse which leads to more cutting.
Anyway, I started high school a week ago and since then my anxiety has increased and I am just like I was the year before, hopeless, numb, and depressed. Not many people know about my cutting but a few friends do, but they all think I stopped over the summer, I lied to them, they were helping me but I was just burdening them. Lately, I can't sleep unless I cut. Things have gotten bad, I have attempted suicide before and now cutting doesn't always help. I have to think about suicide in order to relax. Sometimes I can't breathe properly and my heart starts beating really fast, and I feel light headed. I'm tiered all the time and just feel detached.
The thing is as much as I want to get better, I can't. I have tried different coping methods, I talked my school social worker, I even went online and talked to some other people that self harm but I nothing works. During my health class this semester we are going to be talking about drugs, anxiety, suicide, eating disorders, and depression. My teacher studied to become a counselor but he became a health teacher instead, he says that we can talk to him about anything and he won't tell anyone unless we were going to kill ourselves or someone else. I really don't know if I should tell him. What if he is going to be like my social worker from last year?
Sorry for the long rant/text. I just can't sleep and I wanted to try something different than cutting... for now.
Anyway, I started high school a week ago and since then my anxiety has increased and I am just like I was the year before, hopeless, numb, and depressed. Not many people know about my cutting but a few friends do, but they all think I stopped over the summer, I lied to them, they were helping me but I was just burdening them. Lately, I can't sleep unless I cut. Things have gotten bad, I have attempted suicide before and now cutting doesn't always help. I have to think about suicide in order to relax. Sometimes I can't breathe properly and my heart starts beating really fast, and I feel light headed. I'm tiered all the time and just feel detached.
The thing is as much as I want to get better, I can't. I have tried different coping methods, I talked my school social worker, I even went online and talked to some other people that self harm but I nothing works. During my health class this semester we are going to be talking about drugs, anxiety, suicide, eating disorders, and depression. My teacher studied to become a counselor but he became a health teacher instead, he says that we can talk to him about anything and he won't tell anyone unless we were going to kill ourselves or someone else. I really don't know if I should tell him. What if he is going to be like my social worker from last year?
Sorry for the long rant/text. I just can't sleep and I wanted to try something different than cutting... for now.