boyfriend doesn't want to be around me.. why?

[sieg]

Well, My boyfriend and i have been going out for a little more than 7 months. We really like eachother, but recently I feel like he's been avoiding me.. I kind of let him be for 3 weeks because i had other stuff going on, but the past 2 weeks i've been trying to hang out with him, and he's been avoiding me. I have no clue why he's doing this because he barely talks to me and besides school in the mornings we don't see eachother.. is something bothering him? We didn't hang out too much from the start, maybe once per week max.. but over the summer it declined heavily to once or twice a month.. so, now that you know the story, here are my questions.
1. Any ideas on what happened or why he is doing this?
2. how can i make this better? I want him to be happy, i'll do anything.
3. not a question but a request, no negative answers such as "he doesn't like you anymore, just leave him alone and move on" I want to preserve the relationship, so only positive and helpful answers.
many thanks to you in advance.

[ashdyn]

I've been in a really long term relationship before and what I found out was that there doesn't always need to be a reason for everything. I found that sometimes I just really needed time to myself or to hang out with just the boys. This caused some tension early on because my girlfriend would always ask me if something was wrong or if we had some sort of issue that she wasn't aware of...when I told her no I don't think she believed me. It took a few cycles of this before we finally figured it out just by talking about it. Our situation was a little bit different because we hung out a ton and then sometimes I would need space, but I think it doesn't really matter how much you used to see each other.
If I were you I would just talk to him, make sure he's okay, make sure you're okay, and just ask him if he thinks the relationship is okay. If he says everything is fine then try leaving him be for a little longer. Don't punish him by icing him out and don't crowd him either. Just try sending him a text every once in a while and ask him about his day or tell him something random.

If it keeps going on I would start to worry (don't panic though). You've been dating for 7 months so it's obvious he's pretty serious about you, but sometimes people fear the unknown. If this is his first "real" relationship or his longest one he might just be a bit nervous about over-committing himself. That's perfectly normal. I don't know if you know/talk to his friends but you could kind of ask them if he's okay or if he seems fine, this would work too if you're close to anyone in his family (brother, sister preferably).

Not a knock on your relationship or anything...but he's still a teenage guy. Your relationship might not necessarily be the first thing on his mind. If he feels you guys are getting along fine he might have pushed your relationship farther down his current list of priorities...school just started maybe he's having trouble, he could be having family issues, he might even be a little depressed and is scared of dragging you down. You've made it 7 months so this is probably just the first of a lot of obstacles you'll face, try not to worry too much about anything...things have a way of fixing themselves especially the longer the relationship. Just make sure he's okay and work gently from there.

GOOD LUCK.

p.s sorry about the novel lol

[West Coast Sheriff]

He might just want some time alone u know.

[sieg]

thanks ashdyn, i'll try that. and don't worry about the "novel," it helped me get an idea of where to go from here. i'll try and keep you updated.

[Nullandvoid]

Maybe he's a shallow loser who just wants to tick the gf box and doesn't really care

[sieg]

Heidi, I specifically posted the last bit for you and other people with a common mind set. If you didn't read it all the way through, i suggest doing so before commenting. nothing personal, i forget things too sometimes.

well, today he messaged me on le facebook and it certainly looks like ashdyn's advice worked. thank you very much ashdyn, again your input is appreciated greatly. He understood, and it seems things are going to go back to the way they were. many thanks- Nico

[dontfiguremeout]

1. Any ideas on what happened or why he is doing this?
2. how can i make this better? I want him to be happy, i'll do anything.
3. not a question but a request, no negative answers such as "he doesn't like you anymore, just leave him alone and move on" I want to preserve the relationship, so only positive and helpful answers.
many thanks to you in advance.

Well one reason he can be acting this way since you said you guys didn't really hang out that much. If you are going to be bf/gf you guys really need to hang out more than you think you should if you want it to be a healthy relationship! Rarely relationships last where the couple doesn't hang out that much! Plus not seeing each other for that long consistently can have either one or both people loose the feelings for the other.
And how bout asking him why things aren't working out as a regular relationship should be! Most likely if you ask him, it will release a ton of stress on him, because he could be wanting to tell you, but he doesn't know how to bring it up, or he just doesn't know what you will react to him if he does say that.
Now if you want the relationship to go on, you and your bf should get together (not text or phone) and really talk about this situation and see what you can do about it. Talk about going on dates to see each other, or go study together and do something fun after studying, something to where you guys can hang out more often and be in a healthy relationship!

[Ambrosia]

Want an honest to God FACT from someone older and experienced?

Dump him.

Move on with life.

Stop stressing him.

[sieg]

I've seen quite enough. no further help is needed, thank you for your time.

[Noxail]

If you don't want any more advice, why don't you request that a mod locks it? :rolleyes: Otherwise, take Fuchsia's advice. He's not worth your time if he's ignoring you. And, didn't you say that you let him be for three weeks. Did you ever think of how he may react to that? Maybe he feels neglected. ~holli

[Human]

Maybe he's a shallow loser who just wants to tick the gf box and doesn't really care

maybe you shouldn't come to conclusions?

anything could of happened, he might be depressed, upset over something, maybe he just wants some time alone