I just want this over.

[Fiction]

I just want to stop self-harming. I mean it this time. I want to truly move on from this. It's been 3 years, and i've had enough.

I've been pretty successful in getting better. 59 days I went. But I always relapse. Always. And it feels so fucking good when I do. It feels like a part of me will always be a self-harmer.

For a start i'll always have scars there to remind me. I've tried Bio-oil and everything. They fade but they'll never go. I regret them so much. I want to remove every part of me associated with this. But at the same time I miss it.

Nothing about my self-harming has ever been quite as horrible as the point you realise it's a part of your past you really want to erase :/

I don't know, someone help me? How can I truly move on?

[xDarkAngelx]

I know this may not be of much help, but I suppose if you really want to move on it just takes time. With the help of seeing someone and the support of you bf and relatives you will eventually.

With the scars if you really are desperate for them to reduce in visability, only thing I can suggest if you've tried everything is laser treatment for them. I can completely relate to having mixed views aswell with scars and self harm.

[myskias]

Hey cinnamon :) We haven't talked in a while and I don't know if you remember me at all but I know how you feel. I've been there before. Sometimes when things get rough and you dont know what to do, you just give in and cut. Its a temporary relief and it makes you feel so good at the time, but it makes you feel even worse tomorrow, in a week, and years in the future! Cutting is like a drug. Its addictive, a temporary fix to your problems, and feel good in the short run, but in the long run they ruin you slowly until there is nothing left.

your 59 days is an AMAZING accomplishment and I am so proud of you for doing that! Try to beat your record again! or better yet, try to not even think about cutting at all! Go play around with friends, go to a pool, take long walks on the beach by yourself, work out. Just play! focusing on the pain only makes the pain worse, accepting the pain and moving on is where true relief comes!

If you want to talk more, please message me! :) I would Love to talk to you some more!

[Breakeven]

i think its start with you!
put it in ur mind and say thats it im moving on , i know you are stronger than that and it takes time but at the end u will be able to move on :hug:

[AwkwardTurtle22]

Unfortunately, I'm in the same boat :( all I can say is stay strong and once you figure out the key to happiness message me :/

[PrinceOfSwaqq]

get to the bottom of y ur harming your self then talk to someone you can trust to help you stop

[georgiamay]

Kathy! Feels like ages since I spoke to you :)

Anyway, I know what you mean, I've been there. In some ways I still am. I always wanted to get better; I didn't want to self harm anymore, but at the same time I couldn't imagine it not being a part of my life. I haven't done it in over a year now, and I still don't even know how that's happened. I still feel like it's a part of my life, I still have urges and think about quite a lot, but now they're just urges and thoughts, I don't actually want to do it, so I don't. I don't really know if that makes sense, but that's how it feels to me.

Sometimes I can get quite close to relapsing, I almost threw it all away a few weeks ago. I almost threw away a whole year, but I didn't want to have to wait for another cut to heal. That's the main thought that actually stopped me. I'm used to my scars now, they don't bother me, but the thought of having another cut to look after and make sure it didn't get infected, and then try and get it to fade to a scar as quickly as possible, it just all seemed like a lot of effort.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, but if you've got the right support around you, eventually you'll get to a place where you know you don't need it anymore. You'll still have urges, but you'll know they'll fade, and then they'll fade, and you'll carry on with your day. I don't know when it's going to happen, but if you can make it 59 days, then I'm pretty sure you can make it to 60. Then 70, and before you know it, it'll be a year.

You know where I am Kathy :hug3: