Holiday hookup - do I have to tell boy I started dating just before

[Nullandvoid]

Bit confused, I've been dating a boy for a few weeks, we've been intimate- but I've just come back from a mini holiday with mum while she was on a work thing at a resort by the beach far from home (flight was a few hours)
I kinda hooked up with the son of one of mums work friends as we were some of the few 'kids' that came along and hung out a lot at the pool and ended up going to the beach
We ended up naked at the beach (legal) and as no one was around during the day ended up getting intimate... A lot, we used condoms each time and it was just a fling, not likely to see eachother again anytime soon

I'd rather keep it to myself, does the guy I'm dating really need to know? He hasn't said he loves me or anything as serious as that

Advice, opinions please

[FullyAlive]

Honestly I think you need to tell him. You can't start any type of relationship with lies. It just won't work. You can play it down etc but really you do need to tell him. Lying and hiding it away really won't be good for your future.

[FreeFall]

I agree with FUllyAlive. You need to tell him our you're just setting this relationship up for failure. He could forgive you, but if you wait a few months to tell him it'll make it a lot harder for you both. Good luck.

[ashdyn]

It depends on whether or not you have a very active conscience.
If you can forget the holiday even happened and not have it creep into your mind whenever you're with your boyfriend...then keep it a secret.

Maybe it's just me but I would kind of rather not know if my girlfriend cheated on me, especially if it was just a one time thing/lapse in judgement. The thing about your situation is that it wasn't just a mistake that happened by accident, or a single hormone induced lapse in judgement. You said you got down with the vacation guy a lot. A lot, a lot. It's not like you didn't know you were cheating on your boyfriend the second, or third, or fourth time you did it...you just didn't really care or think about it.

I usually shy away from telling people how they feel or how they should feel. But I don't think you really love your boyfriend and really don't think you would be devastated you broke up (I'm not saying you're a horrible person, you just shouldn't have been in this relationship in the first place). If you still care about him and want to try to save your relationship then tell him what happened sooner rather than later and pray that he wasn't all that into you yet either and that he'll forgive you. If you're really just not into dating him anymore then break up with him and save him the heartache or knowing you cheated on him too.

That all probably seemed really harsh but I think that's just the advice I wish someone gave to me. I have so many secrets to tell :/

[Mortal Coil]

Honesty is really important in a relationship, and if this is going to go anywhere then he will find out eventually. It's best to just get it over with, as painful as that can be.

[Nullandvoid]

I do have a very active conscience that's why i was asking as i guess deep down i know i should say
we've only gone out a few times i don't know if it counts as bf

[ashdyn]

I do have a very active conscience that's why i was asking as i guess deep down i know i should say
we've only gone out a few times i don't know if it counts as bf

I'd define that with him lol
You have to know what to expect when you tell him so you know how to react yourself.

[West Coast Sheriff]

Honestly I think you need to tell him. You can't start any type of relationship with lies. It just won't work. You can play it down etc but really you do need to tell him. Lying and hiding it away really won't be good for your future.

I agree with FUllyAlive. You need to tell him our you're just setting this relationship up for failure. He could forgive you, but if you wait a few months to tell him it'll make it a lot harder for you both. Good luck.

U should tell him as Louise said u can't have a relationship with lies

[Nullandvoid]

Well it's not a lie, a lie is saying something untrue... it's withholding information

Which can be as bad or worse I know, just don't like being a liar

[FreeFall]

If you two are boyfriend and girlfriend and are an exclusive item, it is a lie. By you two being exclusive you're saying to him you're faithful and the sexual needs you have will only be fulfilled by him. The exclusivness of the relationship has been broken.
If you're in an open relationship/not exclusive or really don't care, then it's fine.

[supadupahitz]

If you're not dating, like bf and gf, then it's none of his business. If you havent defined the relationship, it's none of his business. If you decide to make it official and become bf and gf, then it's something that happened before you "made it official", so again, none of his business. If you have already talked about it and are bf and gf, then yes, you should tell him.

[Human]

tell him.

[Nullandvoid]

If you're not dating, like bf and gf, then it's none of his business. If you havent defined the relationship, it's none of his business. If you decide to make it official and become bf and gf, then it's something that happened before you "made it official", so again, none of his business. If you have already talked about it and are bf and gf, then yes, you should tell him.

THANK YOU!!!
FFS people I said we were just dating

[Ambrosia]

Let me go against everyone here for a moment and tell you what you should do.

Don't tell him. Even if you are "dating" you haven't been very long and you haven't had time to make it a stable, suitable, relationship. Soo you fluffed up one time (Multiple times at once...) you're young. Don't make a habit out of it in the future though. You don't want to cheat on your fiance, husband, or potential soul mate, do you?

[Wayne92]

For the sake of clearing your conscious and be up front with the guy, tell him the truth. Otherwise, the answer depends on him as a individual. His feelings toward you and what he believes/expects can make a difference. For example, even though you two aren't official but he holds some potentially serious feelings for you or is the type that wont do stuff like that even when its not official, being told that you had a fling may very well destroy him. I personally would probably have a hard time with that but thats because I take what few interpersonal relationships i have seriously and delicately.

[JackieSmith]

I think you definitely have to tell the guy what you did. Otherwise just dump him :yeah:

[Nullandvoid]

Holiday fling guy may be moving here, guy I was dating was bragging about my bj technique and how I look giving him one naked to his mates so I ended that

[Corb]

Well it sounds like you figured out what you wanted to do but in the future, I think the best advice anyone can give in that situation is this: If your positions were switched, how would you feel if you knew? Would you have considered it cheating? Would you have been hurt? Or would you be ok with him doing the same exact thing?

Just food for thought in the future :)