My boyfriend's dad..

[Kirsi]

My boyfriend has been in foster family's for quite a few years now. He hasn't seen either of his parent's since he got taken away from them. Yesterday he got a visit from his dad who used to be a violent drunk who beat him up. His dad has been in jail (don't know what for) and has recently got out and he has got himself and job and an apartment. He want's my boyfriend to come live with him again. My boyfriend get's along okay with his foster family but they have kids of their own and it's very obvious which ones they are if you know what I mean. His dad lives an hour away and he actually asked me what I thought of it. I told him I don't know. I am afraid he might decide to go live with his dad and I don't want him to get hurt and I would miss him so much if he went. I don't really know what to do but I am so worried! His dad said he would get a lawyer and blah blah to get him back can he really do that? And is it really possible that he has "changed for the better"?

[FreeFall]

"Yesterday he got a visit from his dad who used to be a violent drunk who beat him up. His dad has been in jail (don't know what for) and has recently got out and he has got himself and job and an apartment."

Alarm bells are going off in my head. You mentioned nothing of him, the father, getting help. One does not go to jail and simply walk out a better man. Never. Especially if he used to be an abusive, violent drunk. And he's fresh out of jail, there's got to be some resentment of the world there. Until his dad gets an AA chip or a medallion, whatever it is that group uses to mark the path of being sober, I strongly advise you convince your boyfriend to stay with his foster home. Until his father has both gone to therapy/counseling, I strongly advise you to support your boyfriend as best as you can.
This man is not safe, he is not better, he cannot get better on his own a person like this never can he needs outside help. Until he does both of those things to better himself and his life, don't trust him.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

[Kirsi]

I was told after I posted this that his dad had been in jail for getting in a drunken fight with a girlfriend. he wasn't in jail long and he got bailed out by someone. He told my boyfriend that apparently he wants to be a better man and that he is going to quit drinking and all that. My boyfriend doesn't really like his dad and doesn't really believe him but I can tell that it makes him sad and that he wants to believe him.. He told me that he doesn't think he will go with him he would rather stay here with me and that he doesn't trust his dad as far as he can throw him. But about the thing where his dad said he was gonna get a lawyer... he cant really do that right? Especially if he is still just as bad and just got out of jail that won't make him look good right? I'm just so worried because my boyfriend has told me a lot about his dad and I didn't like a single thing I heard and it's scary that he decided to show up now like what the heck does he want now? I'm so mad! But I feel guilty being mad.. maybe it's not my business and I have no right..

[FreeFall]

It's ok for you to feel mad. You love your boyfriend and his dad, he's not a father. He can get a lawyer but it would more than likely be a waste of money. Your boyfriend's like 15, 16 right? The courts if it were to happen, will most likely look at why he's in the foster system and actually will hear his opinion on the matter. His dad just got out of jail, is abusive, and an alcoholic. I doubt they'd force his son into his custody as easily as he seems to think. This is a stressful thing. I hope you're well and ok!

[Kirsi]

Thanks so much your last post made me feel a bit better about it knowing that it isn't likely to happen. I just feel really bad for my boyfriend with all this coming up all of a sudden. I just hope he's okay even though he says it doesn't bother him I can tell it does. I guess all I can do is be there for him and hope we don't see his dad again or anytime soon.

[Foamy]

I think it would be better for everyone if your boyfriend stayed with his foster family. His father could get visitation rights and if he proves to be a better man after a while, he could ask again.

[Kirsi]

I don't even know his dad I have never met him and I hate him! Everything I have heard about him makes him seem to me like a really bad person that I never want anything to do with! I don't want my boyfriend having anything to do with him either. That's mean of me to say I know because it's not my choice and it's not my family but it's just so obvious to me that he must still be a pretty bad guy and I don't want my boyfriend to get hurt. I wish there was something I could do for him besides just being there because he has been so upset since all of this and I don't know what to do to make him feel better. He says being with me makes him feel better but I'm not so sure because I'm not really that great. I wish he had a normal nice family and then he would probably be happier.

[Gazmo]

well, i think its best he stays with his foster familly, and to be honest, even if his dad does get a lawyer, i think everyone will be able to see that too. Its not as simple as his dad seems to think, he cant get his son back by simply saying hes gonna change.

Id also like to say i respect how much you care about your boyfriend :)

[Kirsi]

Id also like to say I respect how much you care about your boyfriend
Thank you!

It is really good to see that he likely won't be able to do anything. Also we haven't seen or heard from him since that time so... here's hoping it stays that way.