Getting help for sexuality related problems?

[Adam123]

Hello everyone. My name is Adam and I’m a 19 year old guy from England.

I’ve basically been caught up in a vicious circle of sexual thoughts during the last 3 years or so. It started when I was around 15 years old and has become progressively worse as I have aged, presumably because I have not dealt with it and it has played on my mind more and more.

These thoughts and not being able to get a grip on what i'm thinking has caused me to become quite depressed if i'm being honest. I have a great life apart from this and i couldn't complain about anything.


I've had a few relationships with girls and I've thoroughly enjoyed them, both sexually and emotionally.

I've always considered myself straight although after watching a lot of porn over the last few years I've become very curious about sexual activity with a guy, in fact i'd label myself bi-curious at the moment.

This combined with other things has led me to become very distracted from other things going on in my life. I find that because it's a huge problem for me, it's all i seem to think about which is why i need to work things out once and for all. It distracts me from doing well at uni and i always seem to be quite distant when i'm around family or friends, which as you can imagine kind of annoys them a bit.

I've wrote about 5 pages containing everything about these thoughts and my sexuality over my teenage years including relationships etc. I thought it may be helpful to get it all down on paper so i know exactly what i'm thinking.

I can't talk to my family about it because i feel they would be quite weird about the whole subject and my friends are just off-limits to knowing about this because they'd never look at me in the same light again.

I have been wondering whether i should go and see a qualified counselor about this? I have been to see a counselor in the past about something unrelated and she was immensely helpful. I had a great rapport with her and this problem is something i briefly mentioned to her. Unfortunately, i was so embarrassed to talk to her about it that we never really discussed it in much depth.

My question to you all is; is it acceptable to go and speak to a counselor about a topic of this nature, e.g. sexuality and to talk about the things I've been watching on the internet and what turns me on etc and what problems I've been having regarding this? I was really quite embarrassed before because i was unsure whether it's something a counselor specializes in?

My idea is to share the thoughts I've wrote down on paper with the counselor so they understand exactly what is going on with me and hopefully we can work from there and come up with answers to my problems and a solution to fix it.

Also, if you all think this is the right option, do you think it would be wise to go and see my original counselor? We had a great working relationship although i got to know her that well that i felt very uncomfortable talking to her about it, as though i didn't want her to judge me for it because we got along so well.

Any positive feedback would be greatly appreciated.

[dontfiguremeout]

Yes, you should go see the counselor, and yes you should see your original counselor since she knows you best. And no she won't judge you at all! What happens with teens today is that they don't get help when they are in this situation, so they quickly label themselves something they aren't. For example guys in their puberty will for a while have an attraction to guys (mainly because as we are growing we wanna see someone, and then build up to that type of body) and they automatically think they are gay and will then label themselves right away. Then they would start thinking about gay stuff since they said they are gay, which then builds on them. If they were to wait till puberty is over to label themselves, most likely they would turn out straight. Your counselor will help you out through this situation and in the end you will end up being straight after talking things out and her helping you out, since it's hard for yourself to help yourself out.

[volleyball17]

you can go to talk to a counselor. they are there to listen and help people through their life obstacles.

[Aidan]

Getting help for sexuality related problems?


yes Iwould agree the couselling can be helpful - esecially as you have experience of it already.

It would be good to write a letter maybe and include such details have you have written re your thoughts, -- this will get over the embarressment and aid your counsellor as she can read thru gain and understanding of the issues and help you better faster.

Hope this helps

[Cameron14]

Definitely chat to the counsellor. They have to deal with far more embarassing issues and they are trained not to be judgemental. Even in chatting you may come to a solution on your own but the bottled up feelings are not helping you.

[Groover733]

I'm 19, too, and I definitely struggle with a similar inner war that tells me I'm one person when I feel like I'm someone else. I've never had a counselor to talk to and sometimes I wish I did. I don't need anyone else to tell me who I am, but I agree that a second opinion from someone you trust and who knows a lot about you is probably the best thing to have at this point. I can understand that it must be hard to explain all your feelings to someone older and of an opposite gender so writing a letter to your counselor might be a good option to take. That way you can take as much time as you need to get all your thoughts and feelings down in one place.

It's impossible for anyone to know exactly how somebody else feels inside, but there are always people out there who feel the same about issues because they've gone through similar experiences. And there are always people who are willing to help you understand how to sort your thoughts out after 3 years of different ones than before.

Again, I can't attest to how effective a counselor will be at helping you with the situation, but I know that there were plenty of times that I wish I had one to go to or someone to talk to; it's hard sometimes for someone with anxiety to trust someone with so much about themselves. So if you can find someone to trust, then take that opportunity and ask for help or a second opinion. Who knows, maybe it'll be just what you need.

Hope this helps