I feel like I'm just too close to love her. Yet we're on different planets at times..

[Gandalf]

I have all ready made my mind up I'm just basically getting this off my chest.
Ok so I already spoke to Noirtier and Killer Queen (AKA Clint and Ian) but I'm going to just talk on here to make sure I hit the nail.

My girlfriend, we've been together about a month (known each other and been friends for over a year... )

We know each other very well. Or so I thought.

The last few day's she has been obsessed with this guy John, they met up last night and I have no idea what they did but I'm getting suspicous, I know his track record.

She doesn't trust me. I have no luck with the ladies yet she constantly fears that her friend is going to steal me from her and while this will never happen it it makes me feel like shit to know that she thinks I would run off like that. Never.

We keep getting into petty arguements and I feel like I'm lying when I say I'm sorry, but today there was an arguement where I wasn't sorry, because what I said was "stop" to not embarrass herself with a joke that went too far. I did it out of care.

This relationship isn't healthy. Period. I feel like running a mile. Block. Delete. Block. Ignore. But I'm not that kind of guy, I'm going to talk to her and share my feelings so hopefully she won't take it too badly...

I just noticed I have pretty much ignored Shannon's feelings here. She tells me she loves me yet sometimes I feel she feels too much towards me but then she goes and does the most immature things and the fact I have to lie about loving her hurts.

I'm just scared she'll start self harming again and I don't want to be responsible for that so I'm putting it off. Truth be known I have felt like this since we argued last week but I managed to move on with the relationship, all be it short lived wasted effort: I feel trapped. How pyhthetic of me to feel like this and have to lie just to avoid upsetting her. I care too much maybe.

[Gandalf]

Thanks Clint.... You said it best here.... By not saying it ;)


DOUBLE POST YES.... It's my thread so :P

[FreeFall]

I know it's tough, and I know it feels like it, but you're not and never will will be responsible for her self-harm unless you forcibly make her do it. You leaving her, you telling her, you're not responsible for what she does to herself. It makes me sad when people feel like they need to stay in a relationship because they're worried their partner will do something if they leave. You're not supposed to feel that way, you stay because you love and care not I have to stay so they don't hurt themselves. You can't keep/make her happy if you're miserable yourself. A relationship's a team effort, since you've already checked out of it emotionally and rightfully so, it's done. It's not fair to her, it's not fair to yourself.
I agree with sitting and explaining your feelings, maybe you two can get back to a happier place.

I wish you the best of luck!

[Gandalf]

I know it's tough, and I know it feels like it, but you're not and never will will be responsible for her self-harm unless you forcibly make her do it. You leaving her, you telling her, you're not responsible for what she does to herself. It makes me sad when people feel like they need to stay in a relationship because they're worried their partner will do something if they leave. You're not supposed to feel that way, you stay because you love and care not I have to stay so they don't hurt themselves. You can't keep/make her happy if you're miserable yourself. A relationship's a team effort, since you've already checked out of it emotionally and rightfully so, it's done. It's not fair to her, it's not fair to yourself.
I agree with sitting and explaining your feelings, maybe you two can get back to a happier place.

I wish you the best of luck!


Thanks, you just made me realise the parellels with the relationship between my mum and dad.... My mum stayed with him for fear of repucssion and I'm doing the same here. I just need to find an approrpiate chance to speak to her... Thanks

[FreeFall]

You're welcome! I hope your talk goes well and again, good luck!