I don't know where else to turn

[YesterdaysNews]

VT was there for me before.
I don't know how I've really been. I haven't see many of my friends, I haven't really done anything all summer. But I've felt okay. Really alone but okay. The loneliness has gotten worse. I've started using drugs to escape. I haven't cut in at least a month, but I want to so badly. Tonight's the first night I've broken down in a while. I don't have anyone I can talk to right now, especially at this hour. I've gained weight and I can't seem to turn that around. All I see is fat when I look at myself. I went to a wedding recently and it was bad enough that the dress I wore to it was a size 16, but the pictures I saw of myself were terrible. I look disgusting. I'm so low right now. I'm fat and lonely and depressed. I don't know why I can't cut, I need to. I need to be calm. I can't keep this up anymore. I'm sorry for wasting your time, anyone who reads this.

[root]

Well, that sucks...
VT will always be there for you...(I think, I feel like I'm on the verge of getting banned)
Yeah, loneliness sucks. It's the only feeling that I can't really ignore. There's that nagging feeling that even though you're with people, you're still alone.
Marilyn Monroe was a size 16 and she's consider one of the most beautiful woman. I'm sure you're beautiful at whatever size.
Drugs are as bad as cutting except that they're worst and you have to pay for em. Seriously, I use to be into that and I'd always be outa money and shit.
You're not wasting time; the fact that I'm on a forum like this already shows how much spare time I have.

[YesterdaysNews]

Marilyn Monroe was a sex icon. I'm a fat loser. And sizes were different back then.

[Sonic Boom]

Looks aren't everything. You know that. I mean, look at your photography! And your poetry! (My personal favourite is "How much do you hate me" ;)) One's character is what really stands out in life. And judging by some of your posts and other works, you're a very interesting and kind person. These qualities will not fade. Looks will however :P

[Aidan]

VT was there for me before.
I don't know how I've really been. I haven't see many of my friends, I haven't really done anything all summer. But I've felt okay. Really alone but okay. The loneliness has gotten worse. I've started using drugs to escape. I haven't cut in at least a month, but I want to so badly. Tonight's the first night I've broken down in a while. I don't have anyone I can talk to right now, especially at this hour. I've gained weight and I can't seem to turn that around. All I see is fat when I look at myself. I went to a wedding recently and it was bad enough that the dress I wore to it was a size 16, but the pictures I saw of myself were terrible. I look disgusting. I'm so low right now. I'm fat and lonely and depressed. I don't know why I can't cut, I need to. I need to be calm. I can't keep this up anymore. I'm sorry for wasting your time, anyone who reads this.


I m sorry you feel bad - I hope you will feel better soon


I gonna send you a big hug ok

It was very brave of you to even think about going to the wedding let alone go.

[Strawberrie]

Aww :( I used to feel like you did. So I spent years getting thin and fixing my hair and doing my make up and ended up becoming what everyone considers 'pretty' and guess what? I still spent the summer in a dark room starring at a computer screen, cutting myself and wondering why I even bother. It's not about the looks at all. People don't like you for your looks, and you sure as hell won't like you for your looks. I hate me. People don't like me because of how I look. They notice me for it, but I'm just as lonely as ever.

You need to take charge of your life. Spend a day thinking and figuring out what you would do if you could only do one thing for the rest of your life. And once you find that thing, throw your whole life and soul into it. Believe in it and believe in yourself. Once you do that, the rest will fall into place. People will find you attractive because you are doing what you want and loving every minute of it, not because of how you look in wedding pictures. You will find a way out, you just need to want to.

You only get one true life on earth and I don't want you to waste another minute of it feeling poopy because of how others may or may not see you. I really hope you take my advice. And please, don't cut. You are better than that. I know it, and you know it.

[YesterdaysNews]

Thanks Sonic boom, I'm surprised you've even seen my photos and read my poetry. I don't write anymore though. But thanks.

And thank you strawberrie, but I have no motivation. Having people's input in my life motivates me. I have an external locus of identity.

I appreciate everyone's comments on my pathetic breakdown though. Honest. <3

[ryantombs]

Thanks Sonic boom, I'm surprised you've even seen my photos and read my poetry. I don't write anymore though. But thanks.

And thank you strawberrie, but I have no motivation. Having people's input in my life motivates me. I have an external locus of identity.

I appreciate everyone's comments on my pathetic breakdown though. Honest. <3

Ive gained a lot of weight i went down to 170 or so and then shot up to 220 now or so. A lot to depression. What i dod originally is i put all my anger at my life and put into running. I used music to desribe my mood. A kid actually told me it looked like i ran to a beat of a song. Try that. Running. Its also relaxing once you get into it. Dont try to go all out doing 6 min mile. Try even just doing a 15 or even 30 minute slow run. Go for time not distance and speed

[YesterdaysNews]

I don't have any motivation to run. We have a tread mill. I used to run at least once a week. I don't have any desire because I get pissed off with myself. And I'm a sprinter. I like speed and distance is boring to me. I want to burn as many calories as fast as I can.

[CyanideGoodnight]

I'm going to tell you what I can't tell myself.

You're not a waste of space or time. Burning calories and losing weight won't make you happy. Weight is just a number. It has no value to who you are as a person. Your value is in your heart, not a number a scale shows you.
:hug: