Another Confusion Thread

[The SinoCalifornian]

Hello VT! Long story short, I've been reading this site for a while, and I need some help over understanding my sexuality.

I’ve “came out” to my parents like three times, and each time they reiterate that they’ll always love me, but they ask that I prove that I am gay before I say anything about it publicly (they hope I’m just going through a phase, but because they feel the world is a much harder place for any LGBT person, to which I agree). While I wouldn’t have doubted my sexuality prior to my talk with my parents, when I think about what they said, I think they have a point: how can I really know if I’m gay if I haven’t actually had any relationship with a guy? Perhaps I’m confusing crushes on guys with simply admiring the guys around me and wishing I could be one of their close friends (and in my case, the idea that I’m confusing my quest to find a “boyfriend” with my quest to find a “best friend” resonates very well with me).

I'd like to hear that I am gay and end this confusion, but I need someone else say it to me. I’ll list some life experiences below, so you guys / girls can get a better sense of what has shaped me:

Girls “tormented” me during elementary school and have remained somewhat emotionally distant to girls in general, despite the fact that I’ve made plenty of close female friends. I’ve surrounded myself with guys ever since in terms of friend groups.
Discovered porn and masturbation in 5th grade via a medical encyclopedia; mesmerized by the erect penis and a how-to guide to putting on a condom. Watched heterosexual porn but focused on the man; my parents caught me and I stopped any sexual-related acts for a while
Developed two crushes on guys during middle school (but could arguably be seen as me just admiring two close friends and wanting to get to know them better). Both friendships eventually deteriorated, but one got revived and we remain good friends (I’ve confirmed my questioning status to this guy and I still have a crush on him).
Rediscovered porn, but gay porn; frequently visited Hollister Co. stores because their branding plastered toned male bodies all over the place. Masturbated regularly and made several sexual fantasies.
Developed a bunch more crushes of guys from my high school due to their looks rather than their personalities (some of them were jerks), but one crush seems pretty real.
Read a lot of gay new websites, gay fiction novels and, occasionally, gay erotica. Openly sit at and read books from the LGBT section of a B&N (idk, it’s a big deal to me). Watch a bunch of gay movies and T.V. shows with gay couples.

So thoughts :O?

Note: My crushes were just periods of time where I thought about the guy constantly and imagined various scenarios in which we’d discover our mutual feelings for each other :P And I never tell anyone about my crushes.
btw, thanks if you’ve spent your time reading this XD

[OregonStateDude]

Hmmm, from all that you have written, it does sound like you are gay. Or at the very least, bisexual and leaning a lot towards guys.

So how do you know you are gay if you are still a virgin? Well for me, I just "knew". When I hit puberty, all my dirty thoughts were about guys, not girls.

[West Coast Sheriff]

Sounds like ur gay, nothin wrong bout that

[Guillermo]

Honestly, yeah it does sound like you are gay or bi. But no one can figure that out for you. You have to ponder it yourself. Could you see yourself in a relationship with a guy? A girl? Do you have an emtional attraction to guys? Girls? You should ask yourself questions like that. Don't rush in figuring out your sexuality though. That will come in time.

[StoppingTime]

Hello VT! Long story short, I've been reading this site for a while, and I need some help over understanding my sexuality.

I’ve “came out” to my parents like three times, and each time they reiterate that they’ll always love me, but they ask that I prove that I am gay before I say anything about it publicly (they hope I’m just going through a phase, but because they feel the world is a much harder place for any LGBT person, to which I agree). While I wouldn’t have doubted my sexuality prior to my talk with my parents, when I think about what they said, I think they have a point: how can I really know if I’m gay if I haven’t actually had any relationship with a guy? Perhaps I’m confusing crushes on guys with simply admiring the guys around me and wishing I could be one of their close friends (and in my case, the idea that I’m confusing my quest to find a “boyfriend” with my quest to find a “best friend” resonates very well with me).

I suppose it's possible that you are still either,
A. Questioning your sexuality.
B. Still in somewhat of a state of denial over it. (Which is normal).



I'd like to hear that I am gay and end this confusion, but I need someone else say it to me. I’ll list some life experiences below, so you guys / girls can get a better sense of what has shaped me:

Nobody can tell you what your sexuality is, especially those whom you've never met on an internet forum. Of course, we can help you decide, but only you can really know for yourself.


Girls “tormented” me during elementary school and have remained somewhat emotionally distant to girls in general, despite the fact that I’ve made plenty of close female friends. I’ve surrounded myself with guys ever since in terms of friend groups.

Seeing as sexuality is somewhat static, but, according to some research, can change with the environment you were brought up in, I suppose this could have played a role in what your sexuality is.



Discovered porn and masturbation in 5th grade via a medical encyclopedia; mesmerized by the erect penis and a how-to guide to putting on a condom. Watched heterosexual porn but focused on the man; my parents caught me and I stopped any sexual-related acts for a while


I don't think the kind of pornography, especially if you were only in fifth grade, can really be a factor in understanding your sexuality. If you started puberty at or around that time, then just about anything sexual would facisnate you. You may have been more "tuned" on the man because you were just entering a curious phase at that time. Of course, if you have no sexual attraction to females, then it's different.



Developed two crushes on guys during middle school (but could arguably be seen as me just admiring two close friends and wanting to get to know them better). Both friendships eventually deteriorated, but one got revived and we remain good friends (I’ve confirmed my questioning status to this guy and I still have a crush on him).
Rediscovered porn, but gay porn; frequently visited Hollister Co. stores because their branding plastered toned male bodies all over the place. Masturbated regularly and made several sexual fantasies.

I guess you could call this a, "sign." If you never really found yourself interested in girls during middle school, or now, for that matter, then there is a chance that you could be gay. Again though, I don't think the gay pornography can really be used as a deciding factor. There are plenty of heterosexual guys (some curious, some not), who prefer gay pornography over straight, for whatever reason they may have, (they like it more, seems more "real" etc...).




Developed a bunch more crushes of guys from my high school due to their looks rather than their personalities (some of them were jerks), but one crush seems pretty real.
Read a lot of gay new websites, gay fiction novels and, occasionally, gay erotica. Openly sit at and read books from the LGBT section of a B&N (idk, it’s a big deal to me). Watch a bunch of gay movies and T.V. shows with gay couples.


Sure, this could be a sign, but then again, it may not. Why do you find yourself there? Do you just like the material more? Or do you find it pertains to your life more than other literature?
However, I don't think that can really, get you the "proof" you are looking for.

The only thing that can do that is you. If you can see yourself in a full relationship with a man. If you can feel you "love" another guy, and not just have a crush on him.

[The SinoCalifornian]

Thanks for the opinions, guys!

So how do you know you are gay if you are still a virgin? Well for me, I just "knew". When I hit puberty, all my dirty thoughts were about guys, not girls. Haha I've experienced that at least.

nothin wrong bout that I know :D

Could you see yourself in a relationship with a guy? A girl? Do you have an emtional attraction to guys? Girls? You should ask yourself questions like that... If you can see yourself in a full relationship with a man. If you can feel you "love" another guy, and not just have a crush on him.

Yeah, when I imagine myself in a relationship, I'm always with a guy, and I definitely have stronger emotional attractions to my male friends than to my female friends. As for loving, I don't think I can answer that; knowing myself, I'd say I'm, sadly, really apathetic to the lives of other people, to the point in which I can't say if I've ever loved any thing at all (but I also know I have a naming problem in which I jack up the qualifications for my relationships, like what I call a friend would really be a close friend by someone else's standards, and my acquaintances are really friends, if that makes sense). However, according to what I've heard, one way to know if you love someone is if you are willing to give someone another chance if he or she screwed up badly and if you're capable of accepting his or her faults. I guess I feel that way to the three guys whom I've had more genuine crushes for.

Of course, if you have no sexual attraction to females, then it's different.

Yeah, I've never had any sexual attraction to girls; I can't honestly describe what a hot girl looks like beyond what seems to be defined as a hot girl by the media. But I can say if I thought a guy was fine-looking and I'd mean it (and my friends know this too -_____-).

I don't think the gay pornography can really be used as a deciding factor. There are plenty of heterosexual guys (some curious, some not), who prefer gay pornography over straight, for whatever reason they may have, (they like it more, seems more "real" etc...).

True XP

Why do you find yourself there? Do you just like the material more? Or do you find it pertains to your life more than other literature?
I go there because it has books I wouldn't try to read elsewhere (like at a public library), and for gay fiction novels, yeah, I feel like it relates to my life better than stories about heterosexual couples.

If I ask myself what I really thought about my sexuality, yeah, I'd agree that I'm gay too. But it's nice to get some feedback, especially since there's no one of my age that I actually know whom I'd could share everything I've said in this forum.