Telling him the truth

[Wheatley]

Hey,

Well, I have fancied my best friend for the best part of two years now. He was actually a deep enough person to talk to me amongst all of the horrible rumors being spread at the time. He doesnt like opening up about feelings or his personal life (which really hurts sometimes) but I have been discovering just how amazing he actually is, both talented and kind. Anyway, my feelings are only getting stronger for him and at points it can be unbearable holding such a secret from a person like him.

I am very reluctant to tell him the secret for 4 reasons.

1. This happened to another "best friend" a long time ago and he took it the wrong way and now I have become the laughing stock of most of my year because I confessed to my feelings. I am frightened this will happen again, but more over I cant stand the thought of losing him.

2. About a year ago, someone made up a rumor that I faniced him (Basically coz i am bi everyone says that I fancy whoever I spend my time with -.-). Turns out he really was in the dark about me and didnt even know i was bi so i did come out to him, i cant remember his reaction to it but I can distinctly remember he didnt trust me after he heard that i might fancy him (he edged away from me and had his back to the wall or hands over his ass jokingly). He kept repeating that NOTHING WOULD EVER HAPPEN BETWEEN ME AND YOU.

3. I am superstitious and often make bets with "the world" that if "something1" happens then it means "something2" will happen and vice versa and often believe that the world throws hints out to me. I accidently read something i didnt want to on his messages (he was logged in on my laptop), it was basically him confessing his feelings towards a girl who i dont know. This both inspired me and depressed me. Again it showed how deep he was but if he was focused on this girl, what chance do I have? Anyway I decided I would tell him on day 2 of the sleepover, but I woke up shaking with starvation and felt too weak to have a heart to heart convosation. Coincidence or not?

4. I can put myself in his position and I know that even if he got the news and stayed friends with me, he would still think differently towards me. Im not completely happy with how he treats me atm (he doesnt seem to trust an awful lot of people and I dont think I have earned his trust yet :[ ) but I like how the sleepover went and I dont want to spoil our relationship by saying that I fancy him.

I think he may be curious, for various reasons, so I may have a little chance. We got pretty close to eachother at the sleepover. So its not completely out of the question.

What would you lot do in this situation?

IMPORTANT PS: I felt extremely suicidal before I met him, but he gave me something worth holding onto. I havent felt suicidal since. It really would finish me off if he ran away from me.

This is another problem I have. I feel like I owe him everything in my life sometimes and I sense that the pressure is building up on him to get me something valuable or expensive in return for all the things I have done for him. I dont want to tell him because it seems a little pathetic or over the top for him just being a friend.

I have also got the feeling that he already KNOWS I fancy him, but is hiding it because he knows I'm not telling him for a reason (which is very mature of him but also makes things somewhat confusing). I give him all of my spare time and if he asks me to do something then he gets number 1 priority, and he has told me that this is what makes him think i fancy him. I deny it everytime, but he gives up way too easily (which makes me think he knows already).

Thanks for reading,

[FreeFall]

Aw man that's tough.
I personally would leave it alone.
Unless he comes to you saying he's curious or changes his orientation from heterosexual, there's nothing to gain, sadly.

But you and your happiness do come first. If it becomes too much to bare, you may have to have a sit down with yourself, isolated and do soul searching. You have to search and search long and hard and weight the pros and the cons of telling him and go through every single outcome you could foresee. And make your move from there. I wish you luck!

[unnamed94]

sorry this is happening to you. well as hard as it may be to accept it, you have to move on. theres almost no possibility of anything between you two, with him being straight and telling this girl he likes her. you could tell him that you like him if thats some relief for you, but do it if you know that what happened with this other guy wont happen again. it seems at least for me, that he already knows you fancy him.

my advice would be for you to move on and you will eventually find a person who you like that also likes you back. it seems you consider him a good friend so dont risk your friendship if you think things might get weird between you two if you tell him.

[Wheatley]

Yeah this is what I've been doing. As it happens, he is also one of my only friends left, im sure he would be considerate and not brake up the friendship but i dont want anything to be awkward. The difference between thinking someone fancies you and knowing someone fancies you is quite vast and could still do damage.

If hes not curious then hes very playful, we did a lot of things that would deemed to be gay. When I was pretending to be asleep, he grabbed my leg and stroked it with both hands, when he came back down he sniffed my foot and almost licked it (until he saw me looking at him). And while playfighting and tickling etc, I have a boner pretty much 24/7 that he felt against his body a few times and since I was wearing trackies he could clearly see it as well.

lol hes not making my decision, this both makes me wanna tell him and warns me not to. I really enjoyed it, I like spending time with him, and when its physical its even better. These playfights were more like tickle fights and a test of strength, whenever we where trying to push either eachother and it wasnt going anywhere, he would cup his hand over my nipple area (he had no problem with me doing the same) and at a few points we rested our heads on opposites of the pillow and starred into eachothers eyes (a couple more cm closer and our noses would have been touching).

What do you think?

[FreeFall]

I have no idea after that bit of information.

From how you describe it he's either very comfortable with you, or is himself curious/bi?

Could you maybe give it more time and see if he's just 100% your bud playing or something more?

[West Coast Sheriff]

If I were u I wouldn't tell him, the two of u r good friends and u wouldn't want to risk losing ur friendship

[root]

yeah, you shouldn't tell him...not everyone is gay.

[Wheatley]

I have no idea after that bit of information.

From how you describe it he's either very comfortable with you, or is himself curious/bi?

Could you maybe give it more time and see if he's just 100% your bud playing or something more?

Exactly what I was thinking, how he acted around me during sleepover 1 and sleepover 2 was really different, he seems much more comfortable around me. I guess now he can cross the "im scared around him coz hes gay and might rape me during the night" off of his list.

Though he may be curious, he is the first boy i have seen in my year who is straight to look at so many cocks and keep the look of excitement on his face (omegle). I will give it more time though, you know what they say about a third date? maybe it works for a third sleepover ;)

[Lyra Heartstrings]

yeah, you shouldn't tell him...not everyone is gay.

Well duh. But it's love. Love is worth taking chances for, is it not?
~
I, personally, would do it. Just say "Bob, please don't take this the wrong way, but..I like you. Like that." Or something. Go on and say something like "Don't let this ruin our friendship" if he says no. Anywho, good luck. If you do end up doing it, post what happened here. I'm sure many of us, including me, are curious.

[Wheatley]

Thanks, I will do it, just not yet. We have said that we loved eachother before in jest (he said it first). But you know what they say "Many truths be spoken in jest"

And root, they also say that 10% of kids in schools are gay. It may sound stupid but It wouldnt be the end of me if he was completely straight. I am more frightened of losing him completely. As long as he stays in my life and we remain good friends, I dont care if he is straight.

The thing thats bothering me is that he will be starting college in september and i am staying on for sixth form and I dont want this to split us up. Thats what I hope toachieve by being honest about my feelings with him. Of course a proper relationship would be awesome on top of that but ya know...

[unnamed94]

even with what you said later, it still seems to me he is straight, although he is very comfortable with you. about that time he said he loved you, i tell my guy friends i love them too and im not gay, so it depends on the situation actually. on the other hand, you know him and i dont, so if you are not sure about that straight/bi/curious stuff then (as other people said) give it some time and ask him about it. it seems there is a lot of confidence between you two, so if you trust then i dont see why you wouldnt tell him how you feel about him.

[Gordo]

I have a relationship similar to yours except I'm the other guy (straight) and my buddy rob is you. (appears straight, out as bi to some friends) At the time though, I thought he was straight. We had tons of sleep overs -still do with wrestling that used to include tickling until I made a rule against it because I'm very ticklish. We'd share a bed and would end up spooned at some point in the night. Some of the wrestling I'd end up hard or he would or neither of us, but like you said, you couldn't miss it.

A while back, he was more grabby than he should have been, so like your friend I asked him what's up with that? He'd say nothing. Months go by, we're going to bed. Lights out, him on his side me on mine, just talking. Topic of sexuality came up and I said, I don't know any bi or gay kids, but if they told me they were, I wouldn't care one way or the other. A little while after that, maybe a day or so, or maybe longer he was standing in my room and he told me he was bi. I didn't say anything and just went over and hugged him for a long time.

In several ways it brought us closer together because I knew he didn't wanna tell me, but trusted me, so that was nice and it caused me to be more open about other stuff. From my perspective there were/are some down sides too. A big one for me is that I'm convinced he's in love with me as opposed to brotherly love. Prior to all this and even now, I'd tell people I love them in different ways, so we already had that, but it's different now from my side of it. I love him just the same as I did, but i think he loves me in a brotherly way as well as "in love" with me. It's just way he looks at me sometimes or the way he touches me that's just a bit different than it used to be - kinda bugs me, some days more than others cuz I just don't want that from him.

I keep waiting for him to bring it up, but he hasn't. I know I don't want to, for now at least.

Overall it's been good. We were crazy close prior to all this anyway. Closer now and the stuff we do together or our social circle etc hasn't changed. Sleepovers, homework, wrestling around, school, down time etc all still happen.

The only thing that changed is I think, but don't know, that he's in love with me and I also think, but don't know, that he knows we aren't gonna have that kind of relationship and that makes him sad. I will say that part is on my mind more and more. It's not a bad thing, but it's like a unresolved tension that's slowly growing. And even that won't be bad once we talk about it. Or maybe it won't be bad for me once we talk about it, because it will be off my mind, but maybe he's putting it off because it will be worse for him. For all I know this "in love" part from him could be in my head, but I don't think so.

So there is a perspective from the other side. BTW rob has been my best friend for as long as I can remember, so like second grade, and we're both 17 and in the same grade, go to the same school, he lives across the street from me.

[Wheatley]

Thank you for your perspective, it really helped! However, we have only known each other for two years, and now that we dont go to the same college, I am frightened that if he hears something he doesnt want to hear (like this) he will just up and walk out of my life.

It may sound a bit extreme or dramatic but I kid you not, he is one of my only friends. I'm a socially awkward person (and i was hoping that being friends with him would also cure me of this). To count, I have about 4 other friends. 3 of which are going to college. I know sixth form is going to be hard for me but I dont want it to be made any harder by knowing that he isnt in my life anymore.

Also, you slept in the same bed together? Man I'm waiting for that day lol Even for him to sleep in the same room as me would be something.

But when you say you will never have a relationship with him, what exactly do you not want to happen (that would happen in a normal relationship)?

[Gordo]

Thank you for your perspective, it really helped! However, we have only known each other for two years, and now that we dont go to the same college, I am frightened that if he hears something he doesnt want to hear (like this) he will just up and walk out of my life.

It may sound a bit extreme or dramatic but I kid you not, he is one of my only friends. I'm a socially awkward person (and i was hoping that being friends with him would also cure me of this). To count, I have about 4 other friends. 3 of which are going to college. I know sixth form is going to be hard for me but I dont want it to be made any harder by knowing that he isnt in my life anymore.

Also, you slept in the same bed together? Man I'm waiting for that day lol Even for him to sleep in the same room as me would be something.

But when you say you will never have a relationship with him, what exactly do you not want to happen (that would happen in a normal relationship)?


I can understand your fear, but you may have a better handle on it if you think he'll ditch ya than you think you do. You have a sense of the relationship, so somewhere in there you kinda "know".

You mentioned sleeping in the same bed together. Happens 1-2 times a week since we were little kids. The last couple of years, it's closer to 2-4 times a week. I won't say it's normal, but it's normal for us, it's just what we've always done. He's an only child too, so I think it started with sleeping over at each others houses on alternating friday nights so our parents could go out when we were little. I have a queen size bed so there is plenty of room. He has a double bed, enough room in that too. So it's not like it's some big sex fest or anything. Hang out after school, eat, do some homework, talk in bed until we fall asleep. Kinda nice.

What wouldn't I want to happen? I don't want to have sex/intercourse with him, that's for sure. I don't want a romantic relationship with him. I'll love him like a brother or friend, but I like girls and that's where I want romance, sex, what i fantasize about.

So I'd just want the relationship to stay how it is = best friend, incredibly close, open.

[Wheatley]

Thats fair. I think my biggest problem at the moment is getting him to open up. Which may sound strange, but although we have been physically close he doesn't seem to like talking about his personal life much.

I dont know if I have the wrong interpretation of him but sometimes he seems really friendly and kind towards me, but other times (mainly online and when we were at school) I get the feeling that I only exist when he wants something. And that kills me too. But mainly him not opening up to me gets me. I spoke to him a few months ago and he said that he doesn't like talking about his personal life because he doesn't want people to pity him. That was the only thing he would say on that subject. He jokes/lies to me a lot. For example, if i ask him if he has seen a TV program or Film he usually says yes but sometimes he says no, then another person will ask him the same question and he will give the opposite answer (even if im standing right in front of him at the time). He does this to everything, I can never get the correct answer out of him. But why? I cant understand this, he does this for person stuff and everyday talk stuff.

Also on the sleepover, he came out with "I still suck my thumb", he looked sincere and disappointed as well (he can act really well) so I tried to comfort him and tell him that it doesnt matter if you do or not. Then eventually he just said that he didnt and laughed at me for believing him. I think this is him testing the water for something.

It just really annoys me how sometimes i only exist when I can offer him something and how I cant get to know him better because of these constant lies. I want to bring up this subject again with him at some point but I dont know how to start it off or when is the right time for it. Ideally I want to bring it up when he is round mine, but theres a problem with having him round. Its this http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=148728

[FreeFall]

He could be testing the waters yes, to see how much trust he can invest in you or he could just be that person that for some reason or another gets a kick out of tricking people.
He sounds like a very confusing fellow but you know him much better than we. There's something about him that's pulling your heart, and he seems to make you happy. I really wish there was a clearer way for us to try and help you see if he's open to dating guys or what ever it is he's sending. I still say just watch him and wait, I'm sorry I can't help more than that.

[ryantombs]

Wow i read most of it. I would maybe start hinting it. No wait lol. Act yourself. If the time is right to tell him you will know. And my ex gf and i at the beginning of our relationship we promised no matter what we will always be friends. Well she cheated on me and she left me. I started cutting. Did it for a month or two told her. She got back to my parents. I was mad at her beyond belief. But its a yr since we broke up. Im now in a strong relationship and so is she. And guess what we are friends. Why i told you this... I wanted to tell you if you two are true friends they will always be there. We acted ourselves and we are talking again with no feelings towards each other

[Wheatley]

He is a very confusing person. He hasnt had the internet for very long and is a very slow typer on computers (this is what he uses as an excuse as to why he doesnt talk to me much on facebook) but it seems that he can talk to me as long as he is asking for something or replying to me because i have asked him about something he wanted me to do but when i talk to him off of my own back, i wont get a response.

Its like he is two different people, theres him when he is round my house and theres him when he is online. I much prefer him round my house than online. I do like him very much, and I would be prepared to do anything for him, technically speaking he brought me back from the dead. I just don't like to feel like I am being taken the advantage of.

I need to talk to him about it, but its going to be hard since I likely wont get a reply online.

[justalovestruckteen]

A similar situation happened to me.
So two years ago in 9th grade, I grew some feelings for a girl (I'm a girl btw). I would say it was a little crush because she was kind to me and was my only friend in school. I also had some confusing feelings for another boy, (she was the only one who knew about it)
Anyways, this girl was really tough and I feared that if I told her she will kill me. (We just met after all, plus it took her a while to become friends with me. At first she only was nice to me in classes but when her friends see us she would tease me. The time I grew a crush on her she didn't care about her friends and considered me as a cool person so I can't lose that.) Anyways,
So I had a crush on her, and I was really afraid to tell her. I was so afraid to tell her I didn't and it eventually turn to just a friendship love.
So a year later, some friends transfered to our school and we're all like a group now. So one day she was going on about how clueless she is about her crushes and it reminded me about my old crush on her. Our friendship had grown so much stronger than, I told her about my old crush on her. She was shocked at first. I seriously thought that was the last day I will live! Anyways she took just said. "You had a crush on me? Wow I really am so clueless!" I was like, "So you won't kill me?" She was like, "Nah, you're too fragile."
Anyways the point I'm trying to make is, I believe a true friend will be ok with it. She actually knew I was bi when I met her, and she was ok. If you have the ability to wait till your friendship is stronger, I suggest you do. Otherwise if you just have to tell him, trust that he will be a true friend and accept you for who you are.

[Wheatley]

Thanks for sharing, I guess this sort of thing happens all the time. I just found out hes got a girlfriend :'(

I still want to tell him though, now that he has a girlfriend I feel like i WANT to tell him how I feel about him but this is sort of a relief and I dont FEEL like I have to tell him. Which is much more manageable. I realize its best not to tell him as I dont wanna get in between them.

I dont know much about her, but everytime I have heard her name come up its because she is calling him names or being nasty to him. Its that girl who he confessed his feelings for over facebook, which is more than enough reason for me not to spoil by telling him how I feel.

But thinking of the best time to tell him. I know relationships don't tend to last in high school especially summer holiday ones. I was thinking about if she dumps him later, providing he tells me in time, when i go to comfort him, do you think its a good idea to confess my feelings to him then? I personally dont see why not, and I think it would be a great pick up for him but ive never been in a relationship before and have never done this before, so im clueless. Anyway, what do you lot think?