Having a relationship as a bisexual

[JonasBe]

Well,

I'm one of the more older persons on this forum. (19).
Doesn't mean I can have some questions too lol.

To begin with, I found out quite late that I also like boys. Took me 17 years to find out, so now I know for around two years.
I've had both relationships and sexual encounters with as well boys as girls.
But last year it has been boys only.

Now I know for a fact 90% of people who claim to be bi are in fact gay, and are just in denial about it, or just don't really know it yet.
I really know for sure I am emotionally and sexually interested in both genders, I am quite sure I am one of the few "real" bi's around.

Now I quite like a girl now, we've known each other for years, (since she was 11 and I was 14 then?) we haven't seen each other for years, and now we met again last year and became close again. Now I'm beginning to have feelings for her, and I know that she has feelings for me as well.

The problem is, I'm having doubts of starting a relationship with her.
I love her, and we get on really well, and I feel really comfortable around her. (and thats not becasue I knew her since she was 11, she has changed really a lot, so I had to get to know her again).

But I'm only afraid when I'm in a relationship with her I'd still have urges to have sex with men. And the last thing I want is cheating on her with a guy.
Hell, to be straightforward, I love a fine d*ck, but I also love everything about a girl's body...

Now I've had relationships with boys, and I didn't have doubts then, because I thought I was just gay, but I still watched straight porn etc. I didn't have those doubts because it was just a long time ago I had feelings for a girl. I really like both genders, but I just don't know how to cope with it, as my friends, all are straight or gay, no bi's, so I can't ask them.

So I'm asking it here to other bi's.
How do you handle relationships, and when you have a relationship with one sex, do you also still have urges for the opposite sex? Doubts?

This may be a very long and confusing post, but hey, I'm comfused about it.
Maybe this means I'm also one of the bi's in denial about being gay, might be, I just don't know in that case. It's not the fact that I want to be bi and not gay, because honestly, I don't care. All my friends categorize me as gay anyway instead of bi so who care's.

Let's see what you guy's have to say about this matter.

Cheers

[Losing Sanity79]

Well... I have that kind of friend to. Also, I have the same feelings as you. The one thing is, as you, I don't want to cheat on my bf with a girl. It would feel wrong, don't beat yourself up. I've planned on telling my gf, when I get one, that I'm bi. If she doesn't like it, so what! Lol Just do what you feel is right, that is what I am trying to say.

[therunaway]

I'm not Bisexual but if you can, tell her you're Bi, if she understands and doesn't act against it, then proceed to get to know each other etc. If she responds badly, abort mission and tell her that you can't be with her if she doesn't agree with your sexual orientation.

[JimmyIsNowAMan]

Whatever and however you tell her, just be honest.

[workingatperfect]

Well, You're still going to have urges to have sex with other girls, won't you? Would you act on those urges? I don't really think it makes a difference that you're attracted to both sexes. My ex was bi and he never cheated on me with a guy. He did cheat on me with multiple girls, though. But my point it, you just have to resist those urges just as you would resist having sex with another girl.

[JonasBe]

Well, I would never cheat on my boy or girlfriend, I'm not the cheating type.
I'm just afraid I just wouldn't feel happy in a relationship, having a feeling of unfullfillness or something.

I guess I'll just have a good talk with her.
The point is she's in a relationship with some douche for over 2 years now. I call him a douche because he isn't good to her. He doesn't beat her or cheats on her, but well, he just doesn't treat her like he should. And she just doesn't have the guts to end it.

I really could make a difference, I know she could end it because of me. But I don't want to break something apart that has lasted over 2 years. Even that he doesn't treat her right, if things between us wouldn't work out between us, the douche would be a lot healthier for her than nobody.

Jeez, it's just a difficult situation lol.

[gespenst]

i have never been in an actual relationship with a guy but i would if the oppurtunity arose?

[AndCuriousGuy16]

Well a few days ago i came out to the girl i liked. I knew that if we were to ever have a relationship that i would tell her sooner or later. She was the first person who i ever told and i decided to tell her first because we have a really close friendship even though i have known her for almost 3 years. I can say that i think having a relationship with the same sex can be difficult especially for your friends to except. I personally have never had a relationship with the same sex but i would be open to it, the only thing is that i dont know how my friends would accept that. I know for now im just going to let a few people know. I also understand about being confused. People say that all teens go through this stage but i think everybody is confused throughout their entire life. But remember that being gay is not bad and that you might always have this small thought of being with girls. Sorry if this is confusing as i am confused right now, haha! Good luck!

[highfieldsboy]

I think you are gay.
Basically you want the boy sexually but not emotionally.
You like the idea of the "girl romance" and the "normal? lifestyle" - but you really can't be arsed with it.

I love a girl now, she loves me, but we know we can never be together because she wants kids and i cannot get turned on by girl sex, so it'd be epic fail and unfair on her.

Been there myself (i signed up when i was 18 here, confused too) what you feel is in my own opinion is all gay but at somepoint she feels like your soulmate and you love her for it perhaps, but in reality, it would never work for you.. it's not like you can just switch feelings off, those urges will never go away.

[TigerBoy]

I think you are gay.
Basically you want the boy sexually but not emotionally.
You like the idea of the "girl romance" and the "normal? lifestyle" - but you really can't be arsed with it.

I love a girl now, she loves me, but we know we can never be together because she wants kids and i cannot get turned on by girl sex, so it'd be epic fail and unfair on her.

Been there myself (i signed up when i was 18 here, confused too) what you feel is in my own opinion is all gay but at somepoint she feels like your soulmate and you love her for it perhaps, but in reality, it would never work for you.. it's not like you can just switch feelings off, those urges will never go away.

I don't think you are right to tell the OP he is gay because he doesn't have emotional attraction for a boy. Being gay means you are BOTH emotionally and physically attracted in my view. Sure there are some gay guys who sleep around and don't get involved, but thats true of straight guys too. There are bi guys out there who are heavier on the romance than physical and vice versa : this is why labels are dangerous.

This simply comes down to love and loyalty. Sexual attraction can exist outside any relationship.
if you love someone romantically, enjoy playing with someone sexually, you would be an idiot (and scum) to cheat on them.
If your needs can only be fulfilled by a guy sexually, don't date girls. If you can substitute with sex toys to scratch an itch, do that.

[highfieldsboy]

I'm not telling him anything, i said i think.
It's my opinion what i think about the said situation and from life experience itself, he asked for one...so i am simply giving him my opinion on the situation.

You do not have to be emotionally and physically attracted to the same sex to be gay... who on earth came up with that?
I am gay but i wouldn't want a full blown relationship, thanks very much.

However, thanks for your opinion on the matter.

[Gandalf]

OP:

If you believe yourself to be bi then I see no reason why an attraction to the opposite sex should stop. Enjoy your relationship, be open and honest about being bi, don't cheat on her and you should be fine.

[Syvelocin]

Yeah, the thing I see is if you're bi you'll be fine. I had a lot of issues when I was in a relationship with a man and I realized I was gay, because of course all I wanted was to be with a girl. But if you love her enough, it'll just be the same as your urges to have sex with a different person of the same sex. But it's a whole other story if you don't turn out to be 50/50.

[Kwmpa]

I'm bi and I have a girlfriend whom I've been with for 3 years but we have both dated and been with guys in that time too. I guess if you truly trust someone it well be ok.

[JonasBe]

Oh well, it's been quite a while now and now I think I know myself a little bit better...

Anyway, the girl it didn't work out, also because I just never was 100% sure if I really wanted a relationship with her, let alone another girl. So we are still friends.
Now just the idea of having a relationship with a girl is strange to me... I never was really a ladies man, never really had ladyfriends. I always was more comfortable around guys. I really can get turned out by a hot chick, but only sexually. Just the idea of having a relationship and having to live with a female 7/7 just doesn't feel right to me.

Maybe thats because I've nevere really fallen in love with a girl. The relationships I had well they were not serious and I know they were not true love. The idea of living with a boy... Well I like it. It may not be the easiest way in this society, and I do want kids so it's not the easiest option to choose. Well, choose is not the right word I think... Nobody chooses his sexuality. But I can live with it. I recentley outed myself even on facebook, that was quite a step for me, but nobody had problems with it, and my close friends knew it anyway, but hey, it still was a load of my shoulders.

I don't know if I'm gay or bi, I still would have sex with a girl if I think she's hot lol, but a relationship nah. Maybe I still could fall in love with one, maybe I never will. I don't care actually.

Recently I really fallen in love with a boy, so I'm sure you can't speak anymore of the fact that I only like boys sexually, so that has changed a bit. I really can say I was really in love, because I never felt that way about someone, so I know know lol.
Unfortunately I screwed up with him. He also was into me but he already was in a relationship and he would never cheat on somebody so instead of waiting patiently I did a c*nt move and hurt him. I managed to get him to talk to me again so thats a start, I hope things turn out ok, because I really want him to be my friend again, because I miss the times we had together. Being in the friendzone with him is better than not hanging out and talking at all :)

I know it's a major bump, but hey I'm the OP so thats allowed, might be interesting for other ppl to read what has changed in time...

If someone wants to chat or something, just ask, experiences are there to be shared :)