I lost her...

[Bluesman]

This is probably gonna seem like another overdramatic story looking for attention, but let me assure whoever reads this that it is NOT. This is going to be long and drawn out, but I really need help right now more than ever. Anything is better than nothing. I've really liked this girl for 3 years. Loved even. I broke up with a girl I dated for 5 months, and one who I dated for over a year because I felt guilty that I ended up not really being able to love them because of her. Eventually, I got my chance with her. We went from being best friends, which we had been for awhile, to (in my mind) so much more. We saw a movie together, she came over to my house, everything was right in the world. Every time we kissed it felt like magic to me, like the cliche movie scene where the two people are finally together and all of a sudden fireworks go off and its true love. Yesterday she told me that she wants to break up. Not because I did anything wrong, but because she just doesn't feel anything more than a "spark" in between us. I see it as since this "spark" is getting bigger and bigger, it was going great! She sees it as since after 3 weeks and two dates, there's not some "raging inferno" of love, that we should end it. She told me from the start she wants to take it slow, and I tried that! Yet it turned out we're breaking up because she hasn't felt some huge love yet. I don't get it... she said everything felt good. If it all feels good then WHY END IT!?!? When I asked her this, all I got was "because". I know her too well. I know there's a deeper reason why. And if there isn't, then... I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not trying to be some over-dramatic attention whore, but I feel like this girl is the one for me. I've felt that way ever since we started talking. Up until now, being able to love her as a boyfriend was an abstract concept. Now, it's a reality that somehow got away from me, and that I cannot take. All I want is for her to feel the love for me that I feel about her. I know I can't force her to, but I feel like she's getting there and for some reason running away. This is just the deepest, darkest spot I've been in that I can ever remember. I went through 3 years of horrible anxiety and depression, and I never felt like this. So useless, so completely inadequate. I'm honestly scared. I just need help... I want her back so badly...

[Intelidiot]

I can't say I know how you feel. But If the reason I think she is running away, is the right one, then I can understand her. Maybe she is afraid that this relationship is going "too" well. And that its too real for her. Perhaps in the past she might have had other companions who also made her feel that "spark" and maybe fears it will end up badly.

There are other reasons, why she may be running away. Such as feeling unworthy. As a personal experience of mine. When I met my boyfriend, I though he was too good for me, and that he could do better. And I always though to myself, that I didn't deserve him. That I was pulling him back. I knew I loved him, but I always felt inferior. Everything between him and me are going well now though. Because he showed me that he loves me for me, and that he didn't care about physics, jobs, accomplishments, social status, dreams, mentality or anything else. He just wanted me in his life. I will admit, that I still feel like I don't deserve him, but as long as he embraces me, I'll never leave his side.

So maybe, all you need to do is show her that what you want is real. And that you love her no matter what. Of course, it doesn't mean her situation is similar to mine, but you should have a talk with her about this subject just in case.

[FreeFall]

My heart goes out to you, I'm sorry for your pain.

But the best I can say to you at this moment, is that it's gone.
She gave you a reason, somehow for her it's justified. For you it's not. break-ups rarely are ever 50-50 and one side will always be left to wonder why, why, why.

You had a wonderful opportunity and became a "friend zone escapee" (assuming you two were friends if you've liked her this long, if I'm wrong I apologize) something that's a struggle within itself.

You probably hate nothing more than hearing this but you're 15. 3 years of pining for her morphed into a fleeting chance of being with her, you had such a wonderful time and chance of being her boyfriend. You can either be happy for having had that movie romance so many desire and bow out, looking for your next romance or chase after her frantically thus causing yourself more grief and maybe effectively push her even farther from you. Time will heal this, and you will love again.

[Stryker125]

Can't say I know you you feel, since I've never been in an actual relationship. May not be what you were looking to hear, but you may have to just move on, and love someone else when you're ready. By all means, do whatever you can to keep it going, but if she's not feeling it too, then it isn't going to end well. As cliche as it sounds, there's plenty of fish in the sea. There's bound to be others out there that are great for you. You can always message me, or anyone else on this site if you ever need someone to talk to.

[Music4Lyfe]

Stay strong and don't linger on it. The more you think about it the worse it gets. Find something to occupy your time

[Bluesman]

Thank you to all 3 of you... It does make it feel a tiny bit better. I've been talking to her about it and it seems like maybe she's a bit unsure that we should've broken up now. It seems that she misunderstood a lot of what I was saying too. How I text, as stupid as that sounds. She always thought I was mad at her. I don't get how she thought that but evidently she did. I see her tonight... We both do music at my church, I play guitar, she sings, and practice is tonight. She said she wants to hug me, sit next to me for the time that we're sitting down, and last night at the end of the night she told me she loves me. That only adds to the confusion. I'm not sure what the deal is... she's still adamant that breaking up was the right choice, or at least she says that she is, but it seems quite the opposite at times. I'm really hoping for the best :/

[Burn007]

First take a look at the "stats"
-U love her
-Ur only 15
-You should get married at age of 25-33(best ages to do that)
-U would have to stay with her for 10 or more years....

Thats almost impossible in this ages...Girls are weird....phew days ago girl left me because i was out of town for 6 days....and before that i hooked up with a girl and after phew days when we should go to pool alone she brought 5-6 her MALE friends and barely speak to me(i tried everything) after that she didnt know what to say except she cant do this anymore :P

Thats when i stopped to care about what girls that i dated think of me....Thats what u need to do....sometimes the just dont want to hurt you and as much as u feel as u need to know the truth its maybe not the best thing....

Look at the situation this way...u would get way more hurt if she ended relationship after a year(assuming you were in love 3 years) than only 3 weeks...And she might just not have a reason for it....

This might be hard but its reality.....

[Bluesman]

I know you mean well but I just can't accept that... I know this is right. I know this is what I want. I know she wants the same thing from someone, and I know I did everything she asked for in a boyfriend. I feel almost like a friend might have talked her out of it or something. This is all so uncharacteristic of her it's crazy. The girl I know would NEVER do this.

[West Coast Sheriff]

I'm sorry that this happened to you, the best thing is to probably move on.

[FreeFall]

I know you mean well but I just can't accept that... I know this is right. I know this is what I want. I know she wants the same thing from someone, and I know I did everything she asked for in a boyfriend. I feel almost like a friend might have talked her out of it or something. This is all so uncharacteristic of her it's crazy. The girl I know would NEVER do this.
You've got to sit down and talk with her.

But don't pressure her into taking you back as a boyfriend. It may actually not be what she wants, you may just not be that someone for her. You can do all she wanted and still be not the one.

I'm sorry you feel so hurt and confused, I hope you can straighten this out with a good talk between you two.

[Bluesman]

You've got to sit down and talk with her.

But don't pressure her into taking you back as a boyfriend. It may actually not be what she wants, you may just not be that someone for her. You can do all she wanted and still be not the one.

I'm sorry you feel so hurt and confused, I hope you can straighten this out with a good talk between you two.

I'm trying to have that talk. I feel like she's confused honestly... The problem is that while not having her as a girlfriend, how do I get face to face alone with her... Her parents are kinda strict about that kind of thing. I'm really hoping for the best.

[lou lou]

That has happen to me and my ex-boyfriend things got good then he dumped me because he did not feel anything anymore and he like my best friend I did not know what to do. It was like I was in a hole I dug to deep. I'm still torn up about it. I mean I liked this kid sense 7th grade and I'm going into 10th grade. So all I did was tell him how I felt and he told me that he was really sorry for what he did. And me and him are still friends.
So just tell her what you think about the whole problem and hopefully she will under stand.
I'm really sorry for what happened to I hope things get better. :)

[Bluesman]

We talked it out actually, she said she felt like it was too planned out. I agree completely with that. We planned everything out for weeks ahead of time, and she said that took away from how the relationship should feel. The talking and planning was the special part, by the time we started dating and doing the things we had talked about there wasn't much left. Good point is that she said she does feel like something is there between us. We're still very close friends, but we agree that to truly have a good relationship we need some good, spontaneous moment in between us, not weeks of meticulous planning. Maybe it's just like a restart with us.. except this time we do it right. Not fuck up like we did before. I really want to thank everyone who helped me. I left this site because of people who attacked me and got very personal simply because I am a Christian. I lost all faith in VT. On this post, you guys restored my faith in VT and reassured me that there are still good people left here. I think I might stay around for awhile now.. Thank you guys!

[FreeFall]

I'm glad everything worked out (: