Antagonist
August 7th, 2012, 02:16 PM
When I was eight, my parents called me into the tv room. They told me that I was only half related to my sister. We have different dads. Yeah, I cried. I was heart broken. I was lied to for eight years.
My sister has been to a mental hospital once or twice for cutting and behavioral issues. She's ran away before. She's been sent to a group home twice. She moved out not more than a month ago. Before that she told me that, she told me that my parents had lied to me about my friend telling my sister that I had a second facebook page and that I was bi. Turns out my mom went through my nook and figured that out all by herself. I lost my best friend. I believed that she backstabbed me. A lie that my parents told because they didn't like her. Sure, she smoked weed in front of me and introduced me into things. But I never did any of it.
I've almost committed suicide twice. Both times I was gonna plunge a dagger that I own through my stomach. I told my sister this, and she told me if I ever had those thoughts I could go to her.
I'm so... Just mentally wore out. I can't even explain why I act the way I do. When ever I'm heavily stressed, I have these anxiety/panic attacks. I'm fine on the outside, but on the inside I can hear this voice talking down to me and being hateful. If I'm texting at the time, or anything else requiring typing, the voice types through me, telling me to slit my wrists, kill myself, I'm worthless. And my hands shake violently.
I honestly don't know what to do.
My sister has been to a mental hospital once or twice for cutting and behavioral issues. She's ran away before. She's been sent to a group home twice. She moved out not more than a month ago. Before that she told me that, she told me that my parents had lied to me about my friend telling my sister that I had a second facebook page and that I was bi. Turns out my mom went through my nook and figured that out all by herself. I lost my best friend. I believed that she backstabbed me. A lie that my parents told because they didn't like her. Sure, she smoked weed in front of me and introduced me into things. But I never did any of it.
I've almost committed suicide twice. Both times I was gonna plunge a dagger that I own through my stomach. I told my sister this, and she told me if I ever had those thoughts I could go to her.
I'm so... Just mentally wore out. I can't even explain why I act the way I do. When ever I'm heavily stressed, I have these anxiety/panic attacks. I'm fine on the outside, but on the inside I can hear this voice talking down to me and being hateful. If I'm texting at the time, or anything else requiring typing, the voice types through me, telling me to slit my wrists, kill myself, I'm worthless. And my hands shake violently.
I honestly don't know what to do.