Love.Hate
August 7th, 2012, 07:39 AM
For the first time in years i am starting to feel better :)
Quick summary (for those whom dont already know)-
Was bullied like mad through high school, started cutting, got depression and eating problems, managed to combat the eating to a certain degree :) But sadly the cutting got so much worse it was dreadful, i overdosed before my 16th birthday, my sister became more abusive and horrible to live with, constantly being knocked down from someone in my life. Then the big event, at new year i was raped, had a complete breakdown, tore myself apart, drank stupid amounts of alcohol, Overdosed and was hospitalized, my life was literally; get up take anti depressants still feel shit, bleed, make myself throw up, cry and just sit in silence and blame myself. The flashbacks were horrible and driving me mad, i couldnt sleep and had nightmares when i did. A path of self-destrustion i guess, i just felt filthy and so alone in it, which is stupid because you are never alone <3
But somehow i have come through it, and im so proud of that. I want you to all know that its possible to get through whatever shit has happened in your life. You just have to believe in yourself, I believe in you. I am now off anti depressants and coping (finally) i look forward to the next day. The periods between cutting are now getting onto months at a time, which is a huge improvement from doing it several times a day. Scars are slowly fading and im a lot more confident with people, i have trust issues but i know this is a natural result of my life experiences :) By no means are my problems gone, but i have started dealing with things healthily.. If im mad or upset i dont take it out on myself any more :) Cycling has proven to be a great distraction from life. Things do get better guys, they really do. Three/ four years ago when i started cutting i honestly didnt believe i'd ever be in this situation. I dont know what happened, but over time i came to the realisation hurting doesnt help anything.
I just want to say an absolutely massive thankyou to everyone that has helped me in the past, encouraged me in the Non-sh calender, even just had the time to ask me if i was okay. You guys are pretty damn awesome, i really do appreciate all the support. Im getting emotional thinking about it.
:hug:
Be strong guys <3 I am always always here to help anybody
Quote for you all- "If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Quick summary (for those whom dont already know)-
Was bullied like mad through high school, started cutting, got depression and eating problems, managed to combat the eating to a certain degree :) But sadly the cutting got so much worse it was dreadful, i overdosed before my 16th birthday, my sister became more abusive and horrible to live with, constantly being knocked down from someone in my life. Then the big event, at new year i was raped, had a complete breakdown, tore myself apart, drank stupid amounts of alcohol, Overdosed and was hospitalized, my life was literally; get up take anti depressants still feel shit, bleed, make myself throw up, cry and just sit in silence and blame myself. The flashbacks were horrible and driving me mad, i couldnt sleep and had nightmares when i did. A path of self-destrustion i guess, i just felt filthy and so alone in it, which is stupid because you are never alone <3
But somehow i have come through it, and im so proud of that. I want you to all know that its possible to get through whatever shit has happened in your life. You just have to believe in yourself, I believe in you. I am now off anti depressants and coping (finally) i look forward to the next day. The periods between cutting are now getting onto months at a time, which is a huge improvement from doing it several times a day. Scars are slowly fading and im a lot more confident with people, i have trust issues but i know this is a natural result of my life experiences :) By no means are my problems gone, but i have started dealing with things healthily.. If im mad or upset i dont take it out on myself any more :) Cycling has proven to be a great distraction from life. Things do get better guys, they really do. Three/ four years ago when i started cutting i honestly didnt believe i'd ever be in this situation. I dont know what happened, but over time i came to the realisation hurting doesnt help anything.
I just want to say an absolutely massive thankyou to everyone that has helped me in the past, encouraged me in the Non-sh calender, even just had the time to ask me if i was okay. You guys are pretty damn awesome, i really do appreciate all the support. Im getting emotional thinking about it.
:hug:
Be strong guys <3 I am always always here to help anybody
Quote for you all- "If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream."
Martin Luther King, Jr.