Extreme586
August 6th, 2012, 03:19 PM
Oh my, where to even start. Background. I'm a 16 year old boy, somewhat anti-social, low self-esteem at times, and I like guys. I don't like to label myself as gay or bi or w/e, point is it bothers me. One guy in particular has me head over heels and I can't help but be both happy and at the same time, deeply sad. Let me tell you a little about him. He's 16 as well, slightly shorter than me, probably 5'6 - 5'8, with short brown wavy hair. He's a soccer player, his entire body toned, very popular as I have yet to see him without a hot girl drooling over him, oh and did i mention athletic? Oh wait. Anyways, what has me so depressed is the fact that I'm almost positive my parents are moving to continue college in another city across state. Before summer ends, which means within this next month I will be gone and won't even have the chance of seeing him at the start of the school year.
I'm going to be a junior this year, so I've known him for about 5 years now, not including this upcoming year. I had him in one of my sophomore classes this year, and of course of all of them it had to be gym but hey I wasn't complaining, Lol. You see the interesting thing about him is I think he likes me as well. I probably have never had a long conversation with him, yet we both did pretty strange things this year without a whole lot of talking. For example, I'm showering in the very back of the room after class and since we are probably the last two in there every day, most of the showers are already taken. He walks in and the first thing he does is come to the shower in the back and tries to use the one right next to mine. It was broken sadly, but it was alright because he just grabbed the one across from me. Of course the shampoo was on the divider to the right of me, imagine my shock when i realized who had just walked right up and stood next to me to grab some. He took his time to, hey I didn't mind. Other times, we are the last two people to get into the showers when everybody else is rushing to get out and get dressed for class. Most of the time we are the only two people who even shower naked. I even caught him one time as I was coming around the wall divider. I was in the middle of pulling my towel the rest of the way around me. The first thing I did when I came around that corner was look in his eyes, as he was still drying off. My "stuff" was still showing and guess where the first place he looked was?
We have caught each other looking across the room into each others sections where we get dressed occasionally. The fact that I even caught him looking makes me smile every time I think about it. I mean we are talking about a guy who is supposed to be a popular straight athlete, hell he's even had plenty of girlfriends I know of in the past, most of which he broke up with himself. The strangest thing of all is that even when we are the only two people in the showers or are next to each other when we are drying off or ANYTHING, I feel completely comfortable around him. Most of the time since I have low self-esteem, I usually have things running through my head like "don't be gay", "stop looking he thinks your weird" with most other guys I've ever been around. When I'm around him I feel good, and I don't worry about those things because it just feels right to look and to take forever walking past him, haha.
Even outside of gym class weird signs have started showing. I'm kind of a book nerd even though I really don't look it and am in the library during lunch all the time. Usually alone as I have disbanded from most of my friends. Hell I skip lunch all together and just head straight there sometimes. Later in the year I saw him with this girl as they came in there, probably to finish a project or whatever. Point is, for the last two years, I know who comes in and out of that library and its something he doesn't ever do. I know he saw me when he walked in, its hard to miss where I was sitting. For the next few days, he comes in repeatedly with her, eh w/e prob a big project. Not Likely. For the next few WEEKS, he comes in repeatedly usually with her but hey if he liked her like she liked him, I'm pretty sure they would have something by now. She's kind of a horny little freshman but hey, if I was in her shoes, well lets just not go there;). So basically after weeks of coming into the library, I have to meet up with a buddy in a classroom during lunch to finish a project for a day. I don't see him after WEEKs of repeatedly coming for the next few days until the end of the week. The new week starts, nothing. Then he starts coming in again and obviously I'm there. And again the cycle starts with weeks and weeks of seeing him every day for lunch. It made me so insanely happy, all the way up to the end of the year.
Thoughts like "maybe he just needed to get a grade up" or "maybe he was bringing that chick in there to flirt with in front of me" were constantly battling themselves out in my head. Then finals got here, a good last day of seeing him (good story for another time I promise :) ) and all contact drops off because like I said we don't talk or hang out ever. Just cute stuff like that all year basically.
And now...
I'm moving before the summer ends and won't ever even get a chance to see him. He disabled his facebook. He has said things like "it's such a waste of time" in posts in the past but I can't help but feel he's going through insecurites and friendship issues just like I did when i started high school. Heres this amazingly cool person and he might be having the same problems I have in life? And he might like me as well? And I'm moving? WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK...
Please any advice on what I should do is appreciated. At this point I feel helpless, as if leaving it in gods hands is all I can do. But I want to take action, I want to do SOMETHING. Please help.
*Also, just any thoughts on the above happenings throughout the year are appreciated! I would really like to discuss. :)
I'm going to be a junior this year, so I've known him for about 5 years now, not including this upcoming year. I had him in one of my sophomore classes this year, and of course of all of them it had to be gym but hey I wasn't complaining, Lol. You see the interesting thing about him is I think he likes me as well. I probably have never had a long conversation with him, yet we both did pretty strange things this year without a whole lot of talking. For example, I'm showering in the very back of the room after class and since we are probably the last two in there every day, most of the showers are already taken. He walks in and the first thing he does is come to the shower in the back and tries to use the one right next to mine. It was broken sadly, but it was alright because he just grabbed the one across from me. Of course the shampoo was on the divider to the right of me, imagine my shock when i realized who had just walked right up and stood next to me to grab some. He took his time to, hey I didn't mind. Other times, we are the last two people to get into the showers when everybody else is rushing to get out and get dressed for class. Most of the time we are the only two people who even shower naked. I even caught him one time as I was coming around the wall divider. I was in the middle of pulling my towel the rest of the way around me. The first thing I did when I came around that corner was look in his eyes, as he was still drying off. My "stuff" was still showing and guess where the first place he looked was?
We have caught each other looking across the room into each others sections where we get dressed occasionally. The fact that I even caught him looking makes me smile every time I think about it. I mean we are talking about a guy who is supposed to be a popular straight athlete, hell he's even had plenty of girlfriends I know of in the past, most of which he broke up with himself. The strangest thing of all is that even when we are the only two people in the showers or are next to each other when we are drying off or ANYTHING, I feel completely comfortable around him. Most of the time since I have low self-esteem, I usually have things running through my head like "don't be gay", "stop looking he thinks your weird" with most other guys I've ever been around. When I'm around him I feel good, and I don't worry about those things because it just feels right to look and to take forever walking past him, haha.
Even outside of gym class weird signs have started showing. I'm kind of a book nerd even though I really don't look it and am in the library during lunch all the time. Usually alone as I have disbanded from most of my friends. Hell I skip lunch all together and just head straight there sometimes. Later in the year I saw him with this girl as they came in there, probably to finish a project or whatever. Point is, for the last two years, I know who comes in and out of that library and its something he doesn't ever do. I know he saw me when he walked in, its hard to miss where I was sitting. For the next few days, he comes in repeatedly with her, eh w/e prob a big project. Not Likely. For the next few WEEKS, he comes in repeatedly usually with her but hey if he liked her like she liked him, I'm pretty sure they would have something by now. She's kind of a horny little freshman but hey, if I was in her shoes, well lets just not go there;). So basically after weeks of coming into the library, I have to meet up with a buddy in a classroom during lunch to finish a project for a day. I don't see him after WEEKs of repeatedly coming for the next few days until the end of the week. The new week starts, nothing. Then he starts coming in again and obviously I'm there. And again the cycle starts with weeks and weeks of seeing him every day for lunch. It made me so insanely happy, all the way up to the end of the year.
Thoughts like "maybe he just needed to get a grade up" or "maybe he was bringing that chick in there to flirt with in front of me" were constantly battling themselves out in my head. Then finals got here, a good last day of seeing him (good story for another time I promise :) ) and all contact drops off because like I said we don't talk or hang out ever. Just cute stuff like that all year basically.
And now...
I'm moving before the summer ends and won't ever even get a chance to see him. He disabled his facebook. He has said things like "it's such a waste of time" in posts in the past but I can't help but feel he's going through insecurites and friendship issues just like I did when i started high school. Heres this amazingly cool person and he might be having the same problems I have in life? And he might like me as well? And I'm moving? WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK...
Please any advice on what I should do is appreciated. At this point I feel helpless, as if leaving it in gods hands is all I can do. But I want to take action, I want to do SOMETHING. Please help.
*Also, just any thoughts on the above happenings throughout the year are appreciated! I would really like to discuss. :)