Am I really doing this?

[Noxail]

Wow.... I never thought I'd hit rock bottom so fast. I've never felt worse. I've taken eight Ibuprofen, two Excedrin migraine, and half a hydrocodone prescription painkiller. Not enough to kill me, but enough to cause damage, hopefully. I have over three thousand (yes, me and my OCD self counted) cuts, in multiple places on my body, once again, not enough to kill me, but enough to cause damage, and I'm sitting here crying my eyes out as I type this. I don't know what to do. I'm the one that helps people, not the other way around. I'm supposed to be strong, and I go off and do somthing like this. I really am weak. Signed Off ~holli

[SilentCutter]

Relax, everyone hits this point eventually. But that only makes us human:) Maybe I'm not the one to be taking advice from, but even the one who helps the most people, will sometimes need help themselves. I hope this came out right lol

[Noxail]

*sigh* I guess you're right. I'm just used to being the one that doesn't feel pain. I'm so lost right now. I was supposed to OD next week, it was planned out and everything, I just, I don't know. I really don't know anymore. I don't know who I am. ~holli

[SilentCutter]

Why not take your own advice, stay strong? You say you don't know who you are, why not live and find out? What you find could be amazing:) Don't give up now.
I'm sorry, I don't give the best advice...

[AgapeLove]

What you're going through is not an easy thing to overcome. I used to be the exact same way a few years back and attempted suicide by taking a little over 50 tylenol. I also used to be a cutter because I felt that it somehow released my pain but the truth is all it did was bury it down deeper. I know what its like always giving out advice and being the first person to help people but hun I think it's time you take a step back and stop helping others until you can help yourself. If whatever you're struggling with is causing you to feel this way you need to take your life more seriosly because I promise you that years down the road you will be thankful you lived through it. It took me 5 years without help to beat my depression and stop cutting, and everyday I look back and wish those scars weren't there. You're a beautiful young girl with SO much to look forward to, and it may seem like you don't have much now to live for but you'll see after you crawl out of this how much there is to live for. Don't OD please..give life a chance and try to enjoy the beautiful simple things in the world. Take up something like drawing, running, singing, writing..something to be passionate about make it your life. Try going for a walk every time you feel the urge to cut..and leave the knife at home. Listen to songs that you can relate to but will keep you uplifted..there's tons of them. Cry as much as you need to because it truly does help. It's okay to hit a low point, it's okay to feel pain, but you gotta just breathe and let it go. For me personally I started to play my piano when I was feeling depressed and wanted to cut. I'd write songs and let my pain out that way. I'd go for walks and watch the birds and feel the breeze and just take in everything around me. The reason it took me so long to get out of it, as strong as I am, was because I didn't know how to forgive myself and others for the reasons I was feeling so much pain. It's not easy without help..so I urge you to find it, but if you don't then please just don't give up on yourself because it will all be worth it in the end.