This friend...

[Gandalf]

Mods: This thread could easily fit in Relationships and dating or sexuality as well so please just let me know if it needs moving...

My friend (who I first came out too) was very rude towards me and my girlfriend,
without going into too many specifics he offered me sex repeatedly (too which I said no), firstly; he is underage, secondly I clearly stated that I wouldn't cheat on Shannon. Ever. But finally, the additional fact that I am not attracted to him (too feminine for my taste).

Then he made defamatory comments about her even though he doesn't know her and then made incorrect assumptions about me.

Right, I said to him quite maturely that I would forget the whole thing if he just stopped and apologized. He won't.

My biggest problem is what do I do... Pretend it never happened or stop being friends with him even though he was the first person I came out too.. Ok I need to decide myself but help would be appreciated... This has been dragging on for almost a week :O

Sorry if I was too graphic.

[PinkFloyd]

Well since he refused to apologize about asking too many times for something a little over the top; not to mention that he made bad judgements on your gf when he has never met her, so I think that you should tell him what's bothering you. If he is enough of a douchebag to not acknowledge what you just said, I would suggest forgetting him and finding a better friend.

- Sorry if none of that made sense...
- Rob

[Noirtier]

My friend (who I first came out too) was very rude towards me and my girlfriend, without going into too many specifics he offered me sex repeatedly (too which I said no), firstly; he is underage, secondly I clearly stated that I wouldn't cheat on Shannon. Ever. But finally, the additional fact that I am not attracted to him (too feminine for my taste).
Oh my... Where to begin? The fact that he even asked that KNOWING you had a girlfriend was a sleazy, scummy thing to do. The fact that he asked REPEATEDLY after you told him no, as well as stating the reasons why you said no, says that he has little to no respect for you, Shannon, or your opinion, hun. It says that he only cares about himself and his wants, not yours. That right there is not a person who one wants to hang out with. If I'm remembering correctly, it has been a while since you talked to him, no? This is a sad fact of life, but sometimes people change. Sometimes that is for the better, but sometimes--as in this case or the case of some of my "friends", they change for the worse. We don't really know what causes them to do so, but it is something that happens.

Then he made defamatory comments about her even though he doesn't know her and then made incorrect assumptions about me.
What he did there was a low blow for anyone to do. That he made these statements without even knowing her is just plain awful, judgemental, and, honestly, I think he was jealous. Jealous that she has you and he doesn't. That he would then go as far as to make incorrect assumptions about you shows that he is shallow and, quite frankly, sounds like he made a very rash judgement of both of you. Again, not the kind of person that you would want to be around.

Right, I said to him quite maturely that I would forget the whole thing if he just stopped and apologized. He won't.
My biggest problem is what do I do... Pretend it never happened or stop being friends with him even though he was the first person I came out too.. Ok I need to decide myself but help would be appreciated... This has been dragging on for almost a week :O
Whoa whoa whoa. You said that you would forget the whole thing if he just stopped and apologized and he wouldn't? Ben, hun, you have given him more chances than he deserved. The fact that this has been dragging on for more than a week is outrageous for this guy to do. It's just not right for him to do that to you. If he was a real friend to you, he would be happy you are with Shannon, or at the very least he would've apologized and dropped the whole thing. I know he was the first person you came out to, and I know that that is a tender sort of bond, having just done that myself. But he has shown absolutely no respect for you. You need to forgive him, because that's the right thing to do. But I also think that at this point, it would be best for you and Shannon if you just cut off the friendship with him. He is being stubborn and selfish. IF he ever realizes his wrongdoing and sincerely apologizes for what he's done, I would give him another chance. But until then, I think it would be for the best if you stopped the friendship hun. I know it's hard, but sometimes that's what needs to be done.

[Gandalf]

The entire post :D

Thanks Clint, I see a lot to think about here because it's very neutral, and you made me realise how selfish he is being (looking back at our conversations)
Since I made an effort I shouldn't feel bad I'm going to leave him to think but otherwise move on... As hard as it is for me to put our bond to one side, I think it's the right thing to do and that is always good enough for me.

[FreeFall]

Good (: You deserve friends that are happy you're happy. Not trying to steal you from your gf despite how very clear you've made yourself that won't happen.

[Foamy]

I'd ignore him for a little while until he cools off. If he doesn't break of any remaining ties of you are comfortable doing so.

[West Coast Sheriff]

Don't b friends with him

[Jonny Caselli]

Mods: This thread could easily fit in Relationships and dating or sexuality as well so please just let me know if it needs moving...

My friend (who I first came out too) was very rude towards me and my girlfriend,
without going into too many specifics he offered me sex repeatedly (too which I said no), firstly; he is underage, secondly I clearly stated that I wouldn't cheat on Shannon. Ever. But finally, the additional fact that I am not attracted to him (too feminine for my taste).

Then he made defamatory comments about her even though he doesn't know her and then made incorrect assumptions about me.

Right, I said to him quite maturely that I would forget the whole thing if he just stopped and apologized. He won't.

My biggest problem is what do I do... Pretend it never happened or stop being friends with him even though he was the first person I came out too.. Ok I need to decide myself but help would be appreciated... This has been dragging on for almost a week :O

Sorry if I was too graphic.


Some friend me thinks. He is selfish and at least
manipulative but thats bullying, So I would just stop wasting freindship here and move on.

The very fact you ask this question - to me yeah a 13 yearold indicates that you are a good freind to many - a careing person and kind considerate dude.
You will I hope have many good friends and make new ones but this gy is not amongst them, Hope this helps - Ive been in this position with a former buddy and I just cried to Mum - but he was bang out of order and then tried to say stuff to others, which was hurtful.

[Gordo]

If you have to ask for an apology what is the apology actually worth? Not much imo.

At some point he may just get lonely and apologize because he needs to be around people, any people. In that case, he'll eventually be messing up your program again.

If it were me, I wouldn't give him the boot, but I wouldn't go running after him either. Maybe this particular relationship is just going to go sideways for a while until one of you decides to have a discussion about the relationship.

I'm pretty patient, stubborn and at times avoid conflict and being patient tends to be okay, but sometimes it's not. Like a relationship will just fester until I give in or until I'm ready to talk about it. And ya know what, both are okay. Every once in a while I need some space from my best friend or maybe I need a break from him and it seems like I'm ready to discuss it after about a week, whatever the it is.

Also, it's not really a punishment by waiting a week, sometimes people, particularly guys, need some space or time without any drama. So if your friend has been on your mind it might be time to start with a text or phone call. If you're still mad tho, you're not ready and there is nothing wrong with being little mad, we're human.

[runnerz]

If he's too proud to apologize when you made it clear that the only way to fix this would be through an apology, you shouldn't be friends with him until he makes an effort to be friends with you. You deserve more than that. I know it hurts and I know you'll miss him, but if he doesn't miss you enough to even try to fix things, it's not worth it man.

[Music4Lyfe]

You did your obligation by telling him that you'd forget it. It's his choice from now on. What he decides is not your fault

[gig-guy]

just do it with him...
if u r gay than why r u dating a girl?