Messed up. Major.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Ive just cut my wrists. Again. I couldn't help it. I hope my girlfriend doesn't find out - she has no major problems with me cutting she just hates it if I do it on my wrist... And I ahave. I've had to plaster it up to stop it bleeding... Got work in abit and I don't know if I can make it through the shift... My hands are shaking and I don't know what to do... I'm close to loosing it completely. I really don't know what to do. I feel so alone, so full of lies, hatred, guilt and I just can't handle it... I need help.

I don't know what to do.. I feel so lost, so out of control.

I'm really struggling. I don't know how long I can hold on for.

[Amaryllis]

You sound like you're going through hell. You're not alone though, you have your girl and we'll help you any way we can. Your girlfriend hates it because she loves you and you might not want to hurt her or feel like you've disappointed her but it's still best to be honest.

Have you tried speaking to a counsellor or a therapist? Psychologist, perhaps? If you're still in school, you should contact the counsellor. It might not fix all your problems but at least it's a step towards feeling okay.

If you're feeling guilty for cutting, you don't mean to. It's hard to stop and expressing your pain and asking for help is a really brave thing to do. Why did you cut in the first place? Sometimes waiting it out's the best way, even if it hurts like a motherf*ker. Eventually it gets easier and easier to not hurt yourself.

You could try writing all your thoughts and feelings down. Do you have something you like to do? Writing? Drawing? Sometimes it helps but, well, sometimes it makes it worse. Try doing/reading/looking at something funny. Or talk to someone.

Cutting might feel like a way to let go of all that pain but you know you feel crap afterwards. Do your best to take care of yourself. It's okay if you stumble, eventually you'll get where you want to be.

I know all of this is easier said than done and not cutting and being happy must seem like the hardest thing in the world. But you're a strong person and you'll be surprised at all the obstacles you can overcome, however difficult.

All the best,
Amaryllis

[Meh Guy]

Man don't get that down! You need to talk to someone about this cutting. Your parents any counsellors or teachers, even your girlfriend. Just show the cuts and ask for help, if she really cares about you she will help. Tell someone the way you feel, like you just posted here. People can help, you just have to ask. I have been down that road, cut myself untill almost bled to death, but when that last cut happened, I knew I couldn't do it anymore, allthe pain and silence flew out and I ran to my parents and told them. 2 years ago, seems long now but it was hell. You can get past this if you ask someone and believe in yourself.:)

[FullyAlive]

Okay if you ever feel like you're really losing it and you're a serious danger to yourself then go to your local A & E, tell them how you feel and they'll help.

Anyway, basically your girlfriend shouldn't be trying to make you feel guilty about cutting your wrists because whilst yes it is dangerous ultimately it won't help you.

Have you tried seeking any help for stopping? If you drop into your local GP and explain things they'll be able to refer you to the right places.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

If you're feeling guilty for cutting, you don't mean to. It's hard to stop and expressing your pain and asking for help is a really brave thing to do. Why did you cut in the first place? Sometimes waiting it out's the best way, even if it hurts like a motherf*ker. Eventually it gets easier and easier to not hurt yourself.

You could try writing all your thoughts and feelings down. Do you have something you like to do? Writing? Drawing? Sometimes it helps but, well, sometimes it makes it worse. Try doing/reading/looking at something funny. Or talk to someone.


All the best,
Amaryllis

I always end up feeling guilty for cutting, aslways have done. I did it to try and get my thoughts straight to take away some of the stress... I don't know... I tried waiting it out before but the fall was harder and I'm stuck where I am now...

I have a diary that I write in but it doesn't seem to help much any more and me drawing doesnt help 'cos I'm too much of a perfectionist and I just get annoyed with myself for not being able to draw what I want to draw.

Okay if you ever feel like you're really losing it and you're a serious danger to yourself then go to your local A & E, tell them how you feel and they'll help.

Anyway, basically your girlfriend shouldn't be trying to make you feel guilty about cutting your wrists because whilst yes it is dangerous ultimately it won't help you.

Have you tried seeking any help for stopping? If you drop into your local GP and explain things they'll be able to refer you to the right places.

My girlfriend isn't trying to make me feel guilty, I do that all by myself, she supports me, she supports me in what ever I decide to do - a lot more than alot of other people do for me anyway.




As for all the GP/Counselor questions, I have been to the GP (when my parents first found out) and they looked at my scars to see how well they've healed and they asked 'what do you want us to do about it'. (and it didn't help much) and I saw a counselor at my college and I only went twice. I didn't feel comfortable talking to her and I'm not sure if that's because my dad has connections at college or not, and I know they're legally not allowed to say anything... But it's not helped.

Everything I've done in the past to try and get help... hasn't actually helped and I'm stuck in this f*cking circle. I really can't take it much longer.

My girlfriend has made a deal with me that if I don't cut until october she'll get me something I want and if I break the deal I have to go halves. I know how that may sound, that she's "buying me out to no do it" or whatever but it's incentive to not do it, ya'know. But I don't think it's going to work... I have the real urge to do it again... Now. And just not stop... But I go on holiday in a couple of days... And the fact I've had a butterfly drawn on me... I can't really.

I'm just tired now, losing the will to fight.