I can't take it anymore, I lashed out

[Icanttakeit]

Im new and I'm not proud to say that this would be my first post

My mom, lately has become more of an "airhead" so to speak. She's been posing as an idiotic girly girl just to get people to like her, but when things go wrong she takes it out on me. She screams at me if something goes wrong on Facebook.

But with the airhead part, she Most recently took random pills that were mailed to her from an anonymous person. I told her not to take them, warning her what would happen. She argued, saying that I don't control her life. That night, she took them, got high, and made my night a living hell. She hit me, she fell down the stairs, she screamed at me as I hid in my closet, trying to get away, but every time I tried, she'd follow. That night I called my grandparents to try to control her, and after that night they had lost faith in her.

I was right then

The next morning, she woke up, not remembering a thing, and me being a naturally forgiving person, I did

Tonight, I noticed that she had been making something in our toaster oven, our broken toaster oven, meaning that it catches on fire. I tried to turn it off, but she heard and came at me, pushing me out of the way and turning it back on. I warned her, but she didn't listen.
5 minutes later, the toaster oven had caught on fire.
After barely putting it out, I started crying, telling her why I warned her, but she wouldn't listen, once again saying that she wasn't gonna let anyone control her life. Then, she lashed at me with a smack, but me being my idiot self (someone who was tormented in school from physical and psychological abuse, at one point, I even tried to commit suicide) I lashed back. I then walked away crying.

But she started AGAIN, trying to turn the toaster oven back on. I had had it and came and turned it off. After another fight broke out, I began screaming, claiming that she was an idiot finally and swearing a bunch of other things. But she knows I suffer from psychological abuse and when an argument break out, she plays mind games with me. She taunted me with how people hate me, and how everyone knew this would happen, and I AM ONE OF THE SWEETEST PERSONS IN THE WORLD WHEN I AM WITH SOMEONE! After she just kept taunting and saying how she is always right and how she can do whatever she wants. After repeating her idiotic speakings, I lashed one final time, with the image that we no longer had a Mother-Son connection and that she was just one of the awful people in the world trying to break me down.

After I finally walked away, she came after me again, taunting me, on how she was going to have my job cancel my checks, how she thinks i'll do this to my wife, and how she was going to tell people about what happened and how she thinks that she's the victim

I just need someone to help me in this situation, please...
At this point I am once again considering suicide because I feel like I am at the darkest point in my life, so please...

[Christheman]

please dont it's not your fault call the police this woman has probelms and you need a safe home

[Icanttakeit]

please dont it's not your fault call the police this woman has probelms and you need a safe home

The problem is I am too forgiving, and I feel like she will try to ruin me if I do or don't forgive

[HunterSteele]

My mom is similar, so I know how you feel. She taunts me in the same way you described. She uses every opportunity to start calling me names and telling me what a terrible person I am. Whenever I ask her what I've done wrong she tells me it's for not obeying her, but she's never told me to do anything that I could obey-- the only thing that comes out of her mouth is swearing, and shit about me.

It's no better that she can go days without doing this, and starts again when I least expect it. The smallest thing will set her off again. And I'm naturally forgiving too, just like you, so when she stops I try to keep developing a good relationship with her. And then I get hurt even more when it doesn't work.

I don't have any friends at school, and she uses this against me too. And when I cry, she calls it "going crazy", except it's a more offensive term but in Mandarin, which isn't my first language so I don't know what the English word is. There probably isn't one, English speakers aren't all cunts like they are. Irregardless, it just makes me cry harder. And she thinks she's the victim too.

I don't know how much longer I can take this. She's been doing it as far as I can remember, but it's gotten worse in the past couple years. It's ruined my self esteem and I feel like shit all day at school. And then she'll conveniently use my self esteem issues as yet another reason to taunt me. I've wanted to kill myself, but that would mean she wins. And that's not going to happen.

As for you, there's nothing you can really do. What your mom is doing isn't illegal, just like mine. You can only wait until you're 18, then hurry up and move out.

[jegoss02]

man. its okay. not your fault. listen. some people do these things because of something in their lives. maybe repressed or maybe even recently nut you must know you cant blame yourself for the actions of others. forgiveness but not ignorance. if she asks for it, give it but dont be too leaniant. she is also right in that she is a big girl but sometime us teens see their stupid mistakes and try to help. i know i couldn't do anything when my parents got a divorce. my dad had the whole no one can control me and my mom tried to talk some sence into him but that ended badly. but its just things that go wrong in other people's lives and they take it out on the closest person. you might try to talk to her butidk how well she'll talke that.just know its not your fault.

[jegoss02]

that goes to all who feel like its their fault. its not just remember.

[Mike753]

Calling the police or doing something along those lines would help her. If your mother has a problem with anger, and drugs/pills, it's the best thing to do. Being too forgiving isn't a problem -- in the end, she will be the one saying sorry, not you.

Do what you think will help her and yourself. Her putting stress on you isn't going to do good, mostly with you continuing to keep letting it go on. I can only assume you're 18 or under, nobody should have to deal with something like how you explained. No matter what.

[Listed MIA]

It's completely not your fault. I'm not saying it's right but you were provoked. of course you aren't going to do it to your future wife, because you're not going to have a wife who is a crazy person. i got into a pretty physical thing with my mother last year when she was drunk. basically it was the only thing i could do at the time. i feel bad about it still, but i haven't seen her since then. lucky for me i live with my dad. What about contacting your grandparents again and letting them know what is going on? really i think they should be looking out for you more since your mother doesn't seem capable of it. you can always call the police annoymously (if thats how u spell it) if you need to. sometimes stuff is just too big to deal with by yourself.

[candabear17]

You need to call child protective services or have your grandparents call them. It's not safe for you to stay there and they can help you. Just tell them everything you've told us and they will help you. But please PLEASE don't kill yourself. If you start to feel like you want to hurt yourself than come message me. I try to log on once a day but if I'm not on I will definitely reply when I am on. Just know that you're not alone. I'm here for you :)

[Efflorescence]

Is your father still in the picture? Can you contact him? Or else contact your grandparents again and explain the situation to them and that it's not safe for you to live with your mother. If that doesn't work, I think that it would be better for you to talk to someone like a school counsellor. Perhaps in this way your mother could receive some sort of help for herself as well.

I know that it's easier said than done but whenever she taunts you, try your best to ignore her. She doesn't mean those things and as long as you have to live with her, I suggest you try to avoid her as much as possible and involve yourself in your hobbies and/or activities outside the home that may make you feel better. Try not to lash out at her and keep a calm attitude, so that you'll avoid triggering this sort of behaviour from her. In bad situations, we have to do our best to adapt.

People are here to help you and suicide is never the right option. I hope things will get better.

[LitBlackRose]

I would say the best thing to do is call the police. You are not the one at fault here , your mother is. If yoyour mother is the one that's on drugs and has anger issues you need to talk and contact someone. Try and talk to your grandparents again and tell them that you can't stay there or someone that can help you.