Am I in the wrong

[XxMaymayxX]

It has been 12 years since my parents have gotten a divorce. My father and I haven't been close since then (because of reasons I will spare you about) and my siblings are old enough now that I think they can handle being there by themselves. So I went ahead and told my father (about a year and a half ago) that I want to cut back the time that I am there and eventually just not go. The response that I got was that it is court ordered and I have to be there every time that it says I have to. So I started talking to my mom about it and we decided on a mediation between the two of them. (Basically it is a family attorney that the court appoints to deal with family issues. And the mediator is essentially the judge and decides what happens.) Well my dad isn't very happy about that and says that I just need to deal with it, it is the way things are and you can learn to suck it up. I talked to him on the phone about it today and he was extremely pissed. But I honestly don't know how much longer I can take being there when it is constantly horrible. I can't be myself there, I have to bite my tongue and I'm just not happy when I have to go.

So I guess my question is, is it wrong that I suggested the mediation? And should I just suck it up?

Sorry the post is long.

:confused::confused::confused:

[Foamy]

It may help to talk about why you don't get along, as that may he'd some light on whether it's a good idea for the mediation. As for now I'd deal with it as best as possible.

[FreeFall]

You're not in the wrong and you're 17. The courts usually listen to the kids wishes around this time. Make your wishes know.
If there's legal standing, you should tread lightly until you're 18 or he'll file a complaint against your mom and then you'll really hate it.

[jegoss02]

My parents went through a devorce just recently. It sucked. But I am 18 do it never really mattered who I stayed with. Actually. I am staying with my girlfriend at the moment. It's better this way cause of drama on both sides. But I say you can wait till your 18 or you can asks about mediation. It's your decision. It all fepends on how bad it is at your dads place. It sucks. I couldn't imagine having them break up before but now it just sick all over. So that's why I left both of my parents and stayed away from the situation. But like I said. It depends.

[DerBear]

You're not in the wrong.

If you don't want to be their then you need to be vocal about it and suggesting this sit down and discussing rearranging things is a good idea. Your relationship with your father is clearly damaged/strained, as you said and if you don't want to be there then that is something you need to be vocal about or else the relationship between you and your father is going to become even more damaged/strained.

Answering your second question. No you should not have to suck it up especially as you are not a young kid anymore. You are an adult and as such have the right to choose how you feel about a situation.

Overall at the end of the day you made a logical move and when it comes to things like this someone is always going to be hurt/pissed. You did the right thing and have nothing to feel bad about.

[FullyAlive]

You aren't in the wrong no, a mediator is probably quite a mature reaction tbh. However until it is sorted you do have to go, court others are pretty valid you can't exactly just say no.

Its often the case that children can't exactly be themselves at relatives houses its not usually the case with a parents house but it can be. Whilst you may not like it your dad isn't doing anything illegal by demanding your presence, in one way you're lucky he feels that strongly about it a lot of children lose contact with one parent. Until this mediator makes a decision the best way forwards in my opinion would be to just behave yourself, be respectful, show your maturity. It might not be something you look forwards too but i'm sure you can tolerate it if you try.

Good news is you're 18 next year, you'll be an adult so I doubt the court order will still stand for you. If you can't get a mediator appointed or the mediator doesn't find in favour of you, then st least you don't have too long left. Just try your best to ignore him stay out of his way whilst you're there and eventually you won't have to go anymore.