Am I going back to it?

[Pandapop82]

I was anorexic after things spiralled with an abusive cheating boyfriend. I was ill for around a year and a half and I finally got better. Last year I could say that I was eating fine, no problems what so ever.

But recently, I've been avoiding food, and when I do get meals cooked for me - as I rarely cook for myself at the moment - I feel hungry while the food is cooking but as soon as I see it on my plate I stop being hungry.

Am I going back to my eating disorder...

[Amaryllis]

How do you feel when you don't eat? How are you feeling? Are you going through a hard time? Do you feel fat? What do you think? Are you doing this because of your eating disorder? Or do you genuinely feel like you physically cannot eat?

It's great that you got better and really, kudos to you for that. You deserve a dozen medals because eating disorders are never easily overcome. We're very proud of you.

You could be relapsing or maybe not but it's better safe than sorry? Are you seeing a mental health professional? If so, try your best to express how you feel and what's been happening to him or her.

Is there someone you can talk to whom you feel will understand or has before? Talk to them.

More importantly, though, be kind to yourself. You really need to eat to survive. You remember how it was like to be so completely -miserable- and dying because of your eating disorder. You don't want to go back there so do everything you can to keep your head above water.

Recovering is difficult but you've been doing so well. I know it's hard and sometimes it feels like you will never be free of your eating disorder but there are exceptions to every rule. Be that exception and remember:

"Listen to the mustn'ts. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me: Anything can happen. Anything can be."

That's a quote from Silverstein. Take care and I wish you all the best.

Love,
Amaryllis