Consider him 'Clingy'..?

[Immortal Love]

Hey VT! Hunter here, with a little bit of a annoyance issue.
I've been with my Boyfriend now 8 months, and it seems with each growing weeks or months, he seems to become a bit more "clingy". Now I've had an extreme case of a clingy boyfriend before with my abusive Ex.

I want to know if it's just me being a whiner, or if he is really that clingy. But first, I do realize that he does care for me very much, and wants me to be happy and safe. Perhaps I am just mistaking his love for being clingy. So here is his traits!

He contacts me nearly every hour of every day, mainly, on a week-day by Texting (Even while at work), or calling on his breaks. He comes and sees me also whenever possible, and if my Mother and I are going to town (Always on Wednesdays, which is his day off), he always wants to tag along, no matter what we're doing. If I don't text back within 5 minutes he will spam my cell with texts, before calling my house phone, then my cell. Has also appeared at my house without notice, thus scaring me. ( Did this when I was sick with Strep, which somehow turned to Mono. No idea how he got in the house either.)

That is basically the main frame of his traits. Would any of you label him as Clingy? Or am I being naive with his love?

[boonsim]

Edit: he sounds like a complete stalker. This is not healthy and you may want to consider ending it if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

[Immortal Love]

Edit: he sounds like a complete stalker. This is not healthy and you may want to consider ending it if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I've considered it many times. But I am being careful since he suffers from depression, has been suicidal, and owns many guns, and is very good with them. Did I mention he will be going into the Marines as a Sniper..? And he is- body wise, smaller then me, but much stronger. Easily Overpowers me, and knows Tang Soo Do techniques. ( Fighting, a little like Karate)
He's very frightening.

[Katy_G]

yeah that doesn't sound healthy at all. Have you told your parents?

[Immortal Love]

yeah that doesn't sound healthy at all. Have you told your parents?

My Mother? She knows how much he talks to me. She thinks he's amazing. She also takes his over obsessiveness as love, and says: " It's always better to be loved more then you love."

[norcaldude18]

Hey Hunter, this doesn't sound normal. He sounds like an extremely controlling guy. I'm just wondering, is he abusive in any way? My dad was very controlling and when my mom was younger, he tried to manage every aspect of her life. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, but if he is anything like my dad was, I would get out of the relationship. Talk to some people before you mention ANYTHING to your boyfriend. I would hate for him to become really violent especially since he is a sniper. And is he even going to be able to work as a Marine while suffering from depression already?

[Immortal Love]

Hey Hunter, this doesn't sound normal. He sounds like an extremely controlling guy. I'm just wondering, is he abusive in any way? My dad was very controlling and when my mom was younger, he tried to manage every aspect of her life. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, but if he is anything like my dad was, I would get out of the relationship. Talk to some people before you mention ANYTHING to your boyfriend. I would hate for him to become really violent especially since he is a sniper. And is he even going to be able to work as a Marine while suffering from depression already?

No, he's not controlling, nor abusive in any way. Unless you count using pressure points to make me stop tickling him, then no. My Ex was both controlling and abusive, but not this one.
He is actually all signed up for the Marines already, in the Delayed Entry Program, and he only expresses his depression to me, and a very few of his other Military-Marine bound buddies. He'll be shipped out next July.

[West Coast Sheriff]

He loves u a lot and is obsessed w/ u. U shudder b happy he cares 4 u so much

[Immortal Love]

He loves u a lot and is obsessed w/ u. U shudder b happy he cares 4 u so much

I am happy. He spoils me with gifts and love, and does put me first. Sometimes I just need my space, and me time, and he can't grab that concept.

[Bluesman]

As a guy who was once in some pretty deep depression, I get where he's coming from. When someone from that background finds a girl that they really love, they will do anything and everything in their power (including being incredibly clingy) to try to keep her around. I ended up losing two great girls that way actually. Too little is never a good thing, but neither is too much! When you're talking 24/7 and hanging out 3,4,5 days a week, thats usually just too much! It makes the times when you are together less special. Maybe you two just need to sit down and have a good talk about it? That's what it took for me.. my girlfriend right now sat down with me after about a week of dating and just told me that I was being way too obsessive about it. She would like it if I toned down on the clinginess, because we're teenagers! So are you guys! You can be in a committed, loving relationship without being incredibly clingy or obsessive, so long as there is mutual trust between the two of you. Like I said, if you're not happy, talk to him about it. Just make sure to let him know that the problem isn't the amount that you love him, it's just that maybe you want a bit more freedom in your life. Hope I could help!

[Maverick]

He is definitely very insecure and it's not something he is just going to get over anytime soon. Plus once he goes into the marines he's not going to be ale to call you or be around you as much as he would like and it's giving to drive him even more crazy. He will probably be worried to death you will cheat on him while he is away.

The outlook for the relationship isn't looking good in my opinion. Though if you're willing to work things out you need to talk to him about it. Just don't hold out then decide to break up before he deploys as that would be pretty insensitive. Try to fix this sooner rather than later.

[FreeFall]

It doesn't matter if we think he's being clingy or not, the point is you don't like it so it needs to be brought to attention.

Have you tried asking him to tone down on the talks, and hanging out, and showing up unexpectedly? There's no need for him to blow the crap up out of your phone when you don't respond. Ask him to wait an hour or so before he does that. Also, I'm sorry about his depression and suicidal tendencies but you are not and never will be responsible for that for him. He can either go get help or live this way. Do not feel bad or regret if he threatens himself or gaslights his problems onto you just because you asked him to tone down things. It's a very more than reasonable request and if he can't accept it, he may have to go find himself a girl that's clingier than him. You called him frightening too, are you worried he'd do something to hurt you if you even remotely sound like you want to break up?

Boundaries are needed in any relationship, you two are dating not conjoined at the hip.

[Immortal Love]

You called him frightening too, are you worried he'd do something to hurt you if you even remotely sound like you want to break up?
.

Yes, I am actually a bit worried about that. I had the same issue with two of my exes, but their case was they would of killed themselves, or so they said.
But knowing that he can over-power me quite easily does make things a little more tense. He is trained well in Tang Soo Do, and could actually severely Injure, or kill me quite easily, and without meaning to. He has the notion that I am not as fragile as others. I may be a little bit bigger in body size, as in weight, but I'm not that tough, nor strong. He has bruised me before because our playing got a little rough, by accident of course, but I rather not get injured any more.

[Christheman]

as long as he is not abusing you then he loves you

[FreeFall]

Yes, I am actually a bit worried about that. I had the same issue with two of my exes, but their case was they would of killed themselves, or so they said.
But knowing that he can over-power me quite easily does make things a little more tense. He is trained well in Tang Soo Do, and could actually severely Injure, or kill me quite easily, and without meaning to. He has the notion that I am not as fragile as others. I may be a little bit bigger in body size, as in weight, but I'm not that tough, nor strong. He has bruised me before because our playing got a little rough, by accident of course, but I rather not get injured any more.
Don't stay with him out of fear for your safety, as odd as that sounds. He'll be leaving so that'll be good for you, for him, bad. Paranoia may set in that you're doing something, he can't see you as much as he had and it'll be a drain on him. Tell your mom you fear him. That should stop her from just letting him waltz into the house. I'm not liking how he's skilled to kill and guns and this clinginess to boot it worries me ):

[Immortal Love]

It's not out of fear that I'm with him really. It is out of love and compassion, he is just frightening. And if I try to tell my mother, she will actually get mad and call me a whiner. I did that with My Ex, and she got mad at me. Said I was looking for attention.
But Yes, when he leaves things will clear I hope.

[FreeFall]

What? You mom said that, are you serious? Well, you can rule out your mom of people who will support you in life. You saying your boyfriend's scary is not whining or attention seeking, that made my stomach churn so bad reading that.

But what will you do when he leaves? If he's clingy now, what will it be like when you two are apart from each other?

[Immortal Love]

Very serious. And believe me, I already have. And when he leaves? I'll continue on with life, Finish my Senior year, and then I'll be off to College to be a CSI! I'll just "poof" away, and hopefully he'll be enjoying life doing what he loves.

This is of course, my plan if telling him I need "me" time doesn't work.

[heeysamantha]

End it, I would not feel safe at all. As for the repercussions, I would try to be as understanding as possible. But as long as he doesn't have abusive tendencies or wouldn't try "getting back" at you.. I wouldn't worry too much about it