PTSD or Depression after rape?

[candabear17]

I'm new here so I'm not so sure how to go about this...
On November 9th, 2010 I was raped by a complete stranger at the park near my mom's old apartment. I stayed in my room for 3 days after that and didn't talk to anyone. I never actually told anyone what had happened until 6 months after it happened. Over the last year or so I've been doing counseling with the pastor at my church for this and many other things. I recently quit going because it wasn't helping me at all. So basically what I want to know is if I'm suffering from PTSD or depression or if what I'm feeling is normal for girls in my situation.
So pretty much, whenever I'm alone I start to feel sick and dizzy and break apart and start crying even if I've had an amazing day. Sometimes I'll completely fall apart and won't be able to say or do anything; I just sit there in a daze. It sometimes even happens when I'm not alone. A few days ago I was at the mall with my mom and uncle in my favorite store getting some new clothes and I went from being extremely happy too completely depressed in less than 30 seconds. Absolutely nothing brought it on.
Also, for the last month, I've had a reoccuring nightmare every single night and it always wakes me up. I haven't gotten a solid night's sleep in over a month.
I also get frequent headaches and find myself unable to eat or drink much accept for soda and energy drinks in order to keep me awake.
My family doesn't know about any of this. I usually can handle it just fine on my own but it's become so frequent now that I cant even function.
I don't think I have PTSD but I'm pretty sure I have depression >.< I have a doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon so I was thinking of asking my doctor about anti depressants. Should I? Am I actually depressed or is this normal? If it is PTSD, will anti depressants even help? Any help would be amazing. Thank you! >.<

[Desuetude]

I think it's a good idea opening up to your doctor. Just tell him how you've been feeling and get his advice, we can not diagnose you but s/he will have a much better overall perspective of what would benefit you. It might be hard but keeping it to yourself will only worsen the situation. It's definitely not normal so getting some professional advice is probably the best idea.

I'm really sorry that you've had to go through this but you have to know that it can get better if you open up and trust the right people they can give you the help and advice you need. Also know that you're never alone, VT is here to support you all the way should you need it. Good luck with the doctors tomorrow, I do hope you find the answers you're looking for. It would be nice if you came back to update, just tell us how it's going if you find anything out.

[candabear17]

I will post ifanything happens tomorrow. Thank you very much :)

[Wayne92]

First of, welcome to VT and I am so sorry for your experience. I was sexually abused when i was 13 so I can relate to how you are feeling. To answer your question, you could be suffering from a type of PTSD, to be specific, C-PTSD or Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Specifically, to those who have experience trauma like ourselves, rape, sexual, physical and emotional abuse, molestation and etc. I can't say whether you do or don't have this but getting help is a good idea. The dreams and episodes of depression I have experienced first hand. I would have fits of spontaneous rage for no or next to no reason. The anger is gone but I still deal with the depression on occasions. The biggest thing that helped me is telling someone you trust, family and friends. i was reluctant to tell anyone, I was at a bible study at a friends house when I finally cracked and spilled my guts. It was scary but it felt good, especially because one of my friends who was there was molested when she was a little girl and knew exactly how I felt. Depending on how your pastor was trying to help you, you should consider going back or also seeking professional therapy a long side religious guidance. When I talked to my pastor, he gave me the number of a therapist he knows and went to personally and arranged everything for me. Thats my advice for you that has worked for me personally. If you like, send me a message if you want to talk more. Hope this helps :)

[Listed MIA]

Hey, i'm really sorry to hear about what happened to you. it's good you are going to see a doctor though. i have been diagnosed with PTSD. having trouble sleeping is one of the symptoms of it. so far they have been treating it with CBT rather than medication. (and so far i haven't found it very helpful.)

My family are kind of a pain sometimes, but i'm really glad that they know. i don't know how i would manage if i was just trying to do this all by myself. i know it is really hard but maybe telling your family might help?

Good luck talking to your doctor tomorrow. i hope it goes ok.

[candabear17]

Thank you both. Wayne I'm sorry that you know my pain. And Southpaw Slayer what is CBT? I've told people who I'm very close to but I don't think I can live with my family if they knew.

[Listed MIA]

I'm sorry i was just trying to avoid attempting to spell it. CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy. basically, well its kind of hard to explain. its sort of about trying to make you change the way you think about yourself. And they try to help me with anxiety and self harm. but you kind of come up with the solutions to stuff on your own since (supposedly) you are the expert about what is best for yourself. that's what i found most frustrating about it. i just wanted to go in there, have someone tell me what to do and then be normal again. Anyway, hope your appointment goes well today.

[Mortal Coil]

Having been through the same thing you have, I can tell you that you probably do have depression. Antidepressants may or may not work, but I think the best thing for you is therapy to move past it, because as long as you have a really good reason to be depressed, drugs won't do much.

PTSD is a little harder to define. Your recurring nightmares are a strong indicator that you do have it. Also, avoidance of the place or situation that led to your rape, or anything of a sexual matter (the reaction I've developed) or even increased sex drive are also indicators.

However, nothing you get on this website is a substitute for the diagnosis of a licensed doctor. I would recommend you ask about those.

Stay strong, and contact me if you ever want to talk :hug:

[candabear17]

Thank you both. My mom actually lives down the road from where it happened so we drive by it a lot but I can't even turn my head to look anywhere near there. The weird thing is though, I was fine for several months after it happened I would just not go to the park at night time but now it's impossible for me to even step on the field. Is it possible that PTSD can be delayed if you block out what happened?

[candabear17]

My doctors appointment went really well :) she's a very kind doctor and I really like her. She prescribed zoloft and I just took my first one so well see how my body reacts to it :)

[devilsheep]

Thank you both. My mom actually lives down the road from where it happened so we drive by it a lot but I can't even turn my head to look anywhere near there. The weird thing is though, I was fine for several months after it happened I would just not go to the park at night time but now it's impossible for me to even step on the field. Is it possible that PTSD can be delayed if you block out what happened?

Yes, this is a natural defense mechanism of your brain.. it puts the memory in the back of your mind but it will eventually show itself through your sub-conscious (dreams, depression, other emotions).

It's good that you went to the doctor, the anti-depressants will hopefully ease your symptoms.. but I still suggest going for therapy to release these supressed memories and deal with them in a proper manner, in order to eventually get over it all.

goodluck

[candabear17]

My mom told me that my insurance covers therapy costs too so I think I'm going to try that.