Ok. I need some input.

[Serenity]

So. Put yourself in my shoes.


You've got a best friend who's amazing. You fall for him.
blah blah you know the story.

You start dating...but it's really awkward. You don't know what's wrong but something is. No one did anything to the other, you just suddenly fell apart.

He tells you, "Maybe I just don't have time for a relationship right now. Life's so hectic." You ask if maybe you can try again when life isn't so hectic. He says maybe, if that time ever comes.

You try to stay friends. I mean come on, you had an AMAZING relationship before, you should be able to rebuild that, shouldn't you? Despite that awful month where you wanted to die every time you thought about him, even though you were supposed to be in a care-filled relationship.

Being friends doesn't work. He does and says a couple of things that upset you, because you're still tender from your recent let-down. A long period passes when you don't say a word to each other- he even looks the other way when you're near and pretends you don't exist. You send him a text one night, "Hey, how you been?" He doesn't respond. A week later you see he's on facebook and comment his wall, "Heyy long time no talk. How you been?" He signs off without responding, signs on and off again later, still without responding. Then you see something that makes your heart stop.

He's in a new relationship.

All the thoughts that have been swirling around in your head come flooding back, and you're forced to believe they were all true. He lied- he obviously has time for a relationship, he just didn't want to say he didn't want one with YOU. Even when you were dating, you feared this was the case. Now you have no doubt. You're absolutely crushed, you feel sick to your stomach, you feel like beating him to a pulp. This person in whom you invested all your emotions with such high hopes, this person who you thought could fill this gaping hole in you, this person who seemed like a dream come true, had utterly betrayed you. And now he wouldn't even speak to you.


So tell me. Am I being irrational? Am I being THAT girlfriend? B/c you know I've always prided myself on being above the stereotypes, thinking for myself, using common sense, etc. I don't want to be the typical bitter ex who wallows in self pity because SHE couldn't have him, because he chose someone else. I mean, do you see where I'm coming from? Do you see why I'm so upset? Please tell me, because I need someone who's not on my inner circle to tell me I'm justified in my feelings. Of course I can't really figure out exactly what those feelings are- rage, depression, shock, etc etc, the list goes on. But yeah. I mean. Frigging a.

[Maverick]

Of course you're completely justified in how you feel. I would feel the same way. You were lied to and were believing a scenario that didn't exist. He was a jerk.

I'm sorry that he put you through that and I would feel the same way. You're completely rational and have very right to feel the way you do.

[Serenity]

*breath out* Ok. Thanks, Ant, I really needed to hear that. I've been spending the last 45 minutes battling with myself...he's such a jackass...what did I do wrong...no HE was wrong, you did nothing...it's all your fault, you SUCK

and so on. I hate arguing with myself b/c I can never win- thus I ask people to intervene :)

[Maverick]

Anytime. Glad to help. You're completely in the right so don't worry! :)

[Serenity]

Lol Ant, you're so the bomb :daisy:

[Maverick]

Haha thanks! :D

[Prince Jellyfish]

Well, go ahead and think that about him, but bitterness isn't the answer. So the relationship ended. You didn't want it to end, yet it still did. I think you're better off without him. Get out there and find a decent fellow that actually deserves you! =D (so don't be too spiteful towards him, unless he's still jerking your feelings around I don't think that kind of ill will is worth it)

[monkeypee13]

.

[Serenity]

Thanks for the replies, you guys :daisy: And of course you're all right...I just need to heal, move on, etc. I just have no idea how long that'll take...:(

[Prince Jellyfish]

Thanks for the replies, you guys :daisy: And of course you're all right...I just need to heal, move on, etc. I just have no idea how long that'll take...:(

It took over year for me to heal. I was miserable for awhile, just don't forget that you have friends. That's what got me through it. =]

[Serenity]

Yeah I know, and they're all being AMAZING. Lol my one friend Amanda was like, "Don't worry, we're getting voodoo dolls...and we're sending extra-strong viagra and extra-small condoms" LMAO. In all seriousness though, they are extremely supportive and idk how I'd make it through the days without them.

As for him, he's still ignoring me. I was contemplating posting some evil messages, such as "Oh a new gf already? Boy you go through them fast." or "Oh so life's not hectic anymore? Glad you gave me that chance you promised" I've resisted though...

My one friend who's like...25 or something like that has known him way longer than me and she says that in his defense there were a lot of reasons things didn't work out between us and that I should simmer a bit before confronting him. A) I need to cool off and figure myself out, and b) it's a really new relationship for him so I shouldn't jump in his face like WTF BASTARD, etc. I'm thinking she's right, but when I do get around to 'confronting' him, I have no idea what I can possibly say....and yes I do need to do it at some point, because otherwise I'll just kill myself with thoughts of "What if?" and "But why?" Idk I'm just not sure what it is exactly I want to say to him, or ask of him....

[RaisingSand]

Nah, you're not being irrational at all. :) I've been let down by guys before, I know how it feels to want to cry and smash them into pieces at the same time.
Guys like that start out great, but end up being total jerks who aren't worth your time or effort.
I hope you find someone who treats you with the dignity and respect you deserve. :)

[Palm kid]

and i qoute ((I hope you find someone who treats you with the dignity and respect you deserve)) 1.He needed to tell u that it wasnt working
2.He shud nvr have ignored u like that
and 3.Dont let this incident change ur view on guyz because alot of them are understanding and will do wat ever it is to make u happy obviously he wasnnt
____________________________________________________________
about being irrational u took that situation in a completely acceptable way but ithink the (( I was contemplating posting some evil messages, such as "Oh a new gf already? Boy you go through them fast." or "Oh so life's not hectic anymore? Glad you gave me that chance you promised")) wud'v gone too far good job for self controll:beerchug:

and dont worry soon his life will consist of soap operas in his basement while ur living the dream life
___________________________________
i hope i was of any help

[Serenity]

Thanks for posting Angelina and Palm Kid :daisy: You guys did help.


So. I confronted him on Facebook. And it's really not going well :/


Hey between Nicholas and you

Valerie
Today at 1:05pm
Sooooo can I ask why you're ignoring me?



Nicholas
Today at 1:11pm
Im still angry about what you said about me. You never apologized, just went on like it was nothing. You have no idea how much it hurt to be told that i dont care about anyone but myself when everyone knows thats so far from truth. Im pissed off that you would go and just play it off like nothing. Im going to be angry about it for a while. Especially the fact that you think we can just go back to being friends again....not happening.

I really hope your happy.



Valerie
Today at 1:15pm
I didn't apologize because I told you the truth like you asked me- that's what I was feeling. And you said yourself, I had no idea how much you were hurt by it, I'm not a mindreader- why didn't you say, "Well that really hurts?" And I know we can't just go back to being friends, that's obvious, but I at least thought I could drop an occasional 'hey' and get a response. My bad. And when I told you everything it made me feel a lot better because that was stuff I'd been holding in for a while and it was great to get it off my chest- I never meant to play it off like nothing. I'm sorry that I hurt you, but how was I supposed to know you were hurt if you didn't say anything?




He got offline without replying. And what he's referring to was a texting conversation we had. He asked if I was mad at him, I evaded the question by asking why, he said he was just getting that vibe from a lot of people. I said well I know some people think he complains way too much [he works a lot, messed up his knee and needs surgery- which is the reason he can't march drum corps this season, plus just every day CRAP. It never ends] Some people think he doesn't show any appreciation towards anyone Also [I]some people think he's a jerk at corps. And this I know a lot of people really do agree with. Outside of rehearsal he's sooo sweet and considerate and just like perfect. Once we get to rehearsal he's obnoxious, raunchy, and not someone I would ever want to be around.

Anyway the conversation went on, I admitted that yes, I felt that way. Then we got around to one weekend when he shared his bed with this girl named Mandey [everyone sleeps on the floor of a gym so most people bring air mattresses] He asked if he upset me and I was like yeah you upset me. I almost broke down in the middle of the gym and I felt like throwing up. It was like a slap in the face. I went on for a while getting everything off my chest that I'd been holding in for so long- how he hurt me, how regardless of how chivalrous and noble he was being by comforting her when she had no one, I still had no one and it was like he was saying "Go away, you don't matter- SHE does"

SO SHOOT ME FOR BEING TRUTHFUL!

*breath in*

*breath out*

*positive reinforcement*

[Bobby]

He doesn't sound like the right one for you. He doesn't sound trustful at all. I would just simply move on and forget about him, it might be hard, but I think that is what you have to do. You deserve better than that.

[Serenity]

Thanks Bobby :daisy: I know I deserve better...and I have further proof.


Nicholas
Today at 1:26pm
Before you assumed I was being a jerk, you need to know why, you didnt bother asking if anything was wrong, or why i was acting the way I was. I did tell you it hurt. I know I did. And I dont want the occasional 'hey' because frankly I dont want to talk to you. I dont need high school imaturity in my life. I know all of this is because you saw me with Mandey. Get used to it. Get over it.


Valerie
Today at 1:36pm
Ok, maybe you did. That's my bad then.

If you don't want to talk to me, ok I can live with that- but at least tell me you don't want to talk to me, don't ignore me. That's immature.

And as much as you think you KNOW, this is NOT about Mandey. I'm a big enough person to realize you want to be with someone that's not me. I can live with that. "All of this" is because we once had a great friendship that came to a brutal ending and you just cut me off like it all meant nothing- which apparantly is the case. If you don't want me in your life, fine, that's your decision and I will move on. But at least have the courage to SAY IT without me having to ask you.

[Bobby]

Good job standing up for yourself Val. I am proud :)

[Serenity]

Thanks Bobby :daisy:

I hate this. I talked myself up a bit on my walk, told myself to stop moping because I didn't deserve it and that he wasn't worth it. Then I started evaluating: What is the problem? I'm not upset because he broke up with me. I'm upset because he's challenging my character and believes things about me that are so untrue. The solution to the problem? I know he's wrong. I know myself. I am an amazing person. If I wasn't me, I would do everything in my power to be just like me because I put my SOUL into being a good person. I KNOW that I'm compassionate, mature, and understanding, because I concentrate on being those things. Plus, he's obviously a jerk who knows NOTHING about me, so why should I listen to him and let him get me down? I shouldn't.

So then I remembered my inspirational quotes....If I feel depressed I will sing...If I feel sad I will laugh. I am happy because I CHOOSE to be. So. Find something to smile about. The sunlight. All the people. I'm alive. I'm soooo soooo loved. That one made me tear up. So then I came back to the house, got some food- not because I'm hungry but because I know I need to eat, I listened to Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar, and now I'm taking my baby cousin to the park. I am happy because I CHOOSE to be.