Breakdown

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I'm close to having a breakdown again. I don't know what to do... If it's anything like the last one, I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it through the night. I nearly lost it... Completely. It's only because I wasn't on my own that I didn't loose it... Otherwise I would've been... Not where I am now.

I'm scared that if I get out of bed that I'll do some serious damage with a knife. I'm scared I'm going to go "too far" and not care what happens, whether I end up in hospital or...

I need someone to talk to... Physically.

I seem to be second best all the fucking time. I never do anything right. I can't...

I don't know.

[December]

I believe I know what you are feeling, or at least, I have felt similarly in the past. The best thing to do, for temporary relief anyways, is distraction. Try listening to music or reading a book or taking a walk if you can. If you don't feel safe enough to leave you bed, then just try and relax there for awhile, sleep if you can, try and think through what might be bothering you, if it is concrete enough to define. You could also take a real cold shower or cry or do anything to release all your pent up emotions that is not damaging to yourself. And if you have someone you can call, you should. I am sure they would be happy to help you out, whoever it is. Also, there are suicide hotlines and crisis lines if you really feel like you need to talk to someone to stay safe.

Once this initial crisis has abated, I recommend that you talk to someone that you trust about all of this, if you can. And always remember you are good enough, you deserve everything good that comes your way, and you are worth it. 100%. I too used to think a lot about being "second best" or that I always messed things up, but as cliche as it may sound, there is no such thing as perfect. Those on who you might think are the "best" probably have their own imperfections, and everyone makes mistakes and messes up. So its okay to be imperfect, because there is no such thing that exists. You are yourself, and that makes you unique and original and worth living for.

Also, I forgot to say. one thing that helps me is to make a list of everything good that happened to me that day or week, from talking to a friend to seeing a butterfly to good weather, it can be anything, big or small. It always cheers me up a little to focus on the positive and not sink into all the negative that you might see. And if it helps you to be near others, maybe you should try not to be alone right now, even if you never say anything to them about what is bothering you.Sometimes it helps I think just to not be by yourself, left up to your own devices, you know?

And you can always PM me if you want to talk more. Stay strong, stay safe, and hang in there :)

[Christheman]

Hey whatever your thinking stop. Clear your mind. you are not a loser. James Holmes is a loser. you are a winner for realising you have a probelm. Hang in there all you need is one person to like you and i like you : )

[Amaryllis]

Who's to judge who's first, second, third or last? Chasing your idea of "good enough" is like chasing rainbows. You can't please everyone, sweetheart. If you can please yourself, you're doing really damn well in life but it's hard to live up to the expectations of others, much less our own.

Ever had chicken pox? Well, I haven't but I heard it was -really really really- goddamned itchy. Still, you're not meant to scratch. You just have to wait it out, wait for it to heal and fade. Soon enough, all the itchiness is gone.

That's kind of like cutting, you know. We're very proud of you for trying so hard not to cut. Trust me, it gets much easier to resist. I've tried not cutting and I've relapsed but I lasted a -really- long time this time. Each time I get the urge though - I wait it out. And eventually, I don't need it.

It's hard to let go of the comfort of your blades, the pain and the rush, the feeling of control, of bleeding away all the emotions you hold trapped inside, the familiarity and habit. But it truly is worth it.

Surviving is something you can do "right."

You'll fall back, stay static, go ahead and stumble along the way but you'll pick yourself up and you will inspire others. You'll be able to say "I suffered, went through hell, cut and fell a million times but I'm here now and getting better everyday."

You don't have to be the best. None of us are. Just do the best you can and take means taking care of yourself. There's so much more to life than pain and disappointment.

Fill a jar with reasons to keep going and I wish you all the best.

Love,
Amaryllis

[Meh Guy]

If you are always second best, who cares. Someone is always going to beat you. If you did your best or are doing your best than you are a winner. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Aside from that, if you really cannot deal with it, tell someone. If you are scared that you are going to do soething you will regret(or won't if it is suicide) you need to get help. I'm telling you, people do care. Everyone onthis thread cares, and we don't even know you. Try to clear your mind and take small steps, if you don't want to tell people. But you should get some help, you can't fight thison your own.