Another pointless rant..

[Carlyle]

My head feels like its going to explode into a million pieces.. So much that's going to happen is making me depressed and for some reason making me feel sick. Maybe its just me being weak as usual, who knows anymore..

I'm starting high school and, frankly, I'm nervous and depressed. I barely get along with the people in my grade, what if there older siblings that we'll have classes with are just as immature, if not more? I can't stand 90% of the people I have to deal with when I'm in school. The only reason I don't lose every shred of sanity that's left in my head is my friends and my teachers being a lot more fun to talk to than I would've imagined. I have no clue what career path to pursue after high school and its stressing me. I'm thinking something in the field of Psychology, but that's not definite until I look at some other options. I know I made a thread months ago specifically about school, but its still so damn frustrating..

I'm freaking out right now. Its approaching the 2 year mark really soon since my great grandmother died. She was having so many complications the last week before she passed, and before going to Indiana for the funeral, we hadn't seen her in at least a year. I miss her to this day, I hardly knew her.. I've been freaking out about it since the start of the week. I still remember bawling my eyes out when we got there. Everyone was fine, but then my older cousin and I started crying and couldn't stop. I even lost it when someone made a joke. I know they were trying to lighten the mood, but it was so fucking rude. I decked them - hard. I feel bad when I think about it, but it was not the time and place to joke about something so serious.

I'm tired of getting so much shit for being lazy this summer. I get told I don't do much, but when I try to make plans either something comes up or my mom can't give me a ride. I'd walk or ride my bike, but a lot of my friends live on the opposite side of town and I'd have to walk down the main road. We all know thats not possible unless you want the chance of me being hit by a reckless driver, so quit harping on me for it. If you can't give me a ride every so often when I want to go out and do something, don't complain when I waste my summer playing games and doing things counter productive.


I'm ashamed of myself so much though.. I've started self harming in the past month, I've cut all the way up my leg. I have to constantly wear sweats, jeans are too uncomfortable and burn the marks if I'm outside.

I feel like I'm powerless with my own life anymore, like I'm not allowed to make my own decisions.. Please, help me..

[Mortal Coil]

Austin, what you need is to take a step back from all of this and just give yourself a break. Only a few minutes. Seconds, even. First of all, you shouldn't be ashamed of your self-harm. However, it is important that you try to stop because a stroll through the C&SH forum will show you that it will become a monster that you can't control. It will fuck your life up.

As for your other problems, it's perfectly normal not to know what you want to do after high school. You don't have to choose right away. Sometimes you just have to keep pushing, and take life day by day. Break it up into sections of a few hours if you have to. But know that as long as you keep pushing you will get through this: the grief, the people at school. Just try to avoid them, after all they're only temporary.

Above all, stay strong. There are people in this world who love you and would go through a lot to see you happy. :hug:

[Thunduhbuhlt]

Austin, I know you're apprehensive when it comes to going into high school with the immaturity of the people and worried about not making new friends and you have all right to do so. Hell, I don't have really any friends in my grade either, but I know that there are some people that you will get along with. And no matter what, you can't change the fact that it will be hard, but you have to push through it.

And to be quite honest, it's okay to be sad about your great grandmother dying, even two years ago. My cousin died 4 years ago and I still sometimes cry about it. And I really don't blame you for being mad about a joke, it was a serious time that wasn't meant for jokes.

Also, yeah, people are gonna be like "Oh, you don't do anything." or "You're so lazy.", but you just have to ignore them. They obviously don't know the circumstances of your situations and can't judge them in such a way. You are right, your mom shouldn't call you lazy if she isn't willing to help you not become so. I know how you feel, exactly. I have it the same exact way and yeah it sucks, but just try to surround yourself in things you like to do. If it's at home on your computer then it's so, or with friends or whatever. But isolation never helps if you are feeling depressed. And get help with depression, it's never something that is easily cured alone.

I think you need to step back for a minute and just relax. You are putting yourself in way too much stress. Go here. (http://thequietplaceproject.com/thequietplace) it only is for a minute or two, but it helps you calm down. And if you ever need to talk, come find me on here, or on Facebook, anytime.

[WearAngels]

At your age, those problem of yours that kept you in trouble mind set were just a normal. Take it easy ! Your young and you have a long span of time in order to formulate a solutions or just live with it and stop worrying.