Labels

[Chaos42]

Hey everyone,

So there's this girl, who I met in class earlier this past school year (very early in the year), and we became good friends, very fast. At the time, we both liked other people, so we settled on a "mutual friend zone" sort of thing, though we never actually talked about it. We were just friends, that's what we told each other, that's what we told there.

However, in April, I started to develop "more than friends" feelings for her, and soon, I saw her in a whole different way- someone I would actually go out with, as opposed to just a friend. For any fellow How I Met Your Mother fans out there, it's kind of like Ted's story about the duck/bunny illusion- I looked at her for all that time, and only saw a friend, but then, suddenly, one day, something changed, and I saw her as someone I'd like to go out with/be more than friends with.

I finally decided to tell her how I felt, in late April. I told her I liked her, and it turned out she liked me too, which was cool beans. She told all her friends, and I told a few of my closest friends- neither of us are very "zomg ima tell everyone" kind of people, which is a quality I love about her. She really is the ideal girl for me, I love everything about her. I've talked to some of her friends, and I'm pretty good friends with her best friend, and they're all pretty cool people, who seem to like me.

Now, he's where my problem starts. I had no idea where we "were in the relationship" after I told her I liked her. I didn't know if I had asked her out, or what. So nothing really happened for a month or so, though we still liked each other a lot, and some people were under the belief that we were going out. I'm into woodworking, so I made her a nice project for her birthday, which was in May, which she liked.

Shit started happening again in June. Neither of us are really the kind of person who enjoys taking stuff out in terms of relationships, which I think it why it all boiled down to this. On the bus ride back home from our class trip to KingsDominion, I was sitting next to her best friend, because we are pretty good friends too. Smehow she got to the point of asking me "when are you going to ask ___*girl I like/her best friend*___ out?" I avoided the question. However, this got me thinking- should I ask her out? Did I not already? Apparently not. So I did, straight up, and she said yes.

However, we haven't really done anything together yet, and she has told me that he friends have asked her what is going on between us, and have asked for a "label on the relationship."
As I said, neither of us are really the flamboyant type, who likes to talk about stuff like that, so the topic was generally avoided and we haven't really talked about it, so now I don't know what to do...I really like her, and she likes me too- we talk a lot through Facebook and Skype, but we've never actually seen each other out of school...sure I'd like to be called "her boyfriend," but idk what to do right now. I'd really like to keep what we've got going (as in start a real relationship with her and such), but I don't know where we "are" at this point.

Any advice? Sorry for the huge block of text, I figured if I was gonna ask for advice I might as well tell the whole story.

[December]

Well, if you like her and she likes you, and you are in a relationship, what more label do you need? If people ask I would tell them that you are going out, that you are together, however you want to put it. If you want to be more definitive than that, you really need to talk it out, no matter how awkward it is, to avoid future awkwardness. I would say do this by hanging out with her outside of school (which is very important that you start doing if you want a more serious or more well defined relationship) and just tell her that both of your friends keep asking for a "label" and you were wondering if it would be okay to call her your "girlfriend" (if this is what you want to do). Mostly, just clear things up with her first, then worry about what to tell all of your friends, because as long as you are happy, its not really important if there is a "label" on it or not. Some of the best feelings come undefined.

[FreeFall]

I'm confused. You asked her out, she said yes. You two are now an item, aka boy friend and girlfriend. So...what label is there?
You don't need to do anything more really to be known as her boyfriend other than you two accepting to be in an intimate relationship with each other. Intimacy does not just mean doing sexual things, it's a close and exclusive relationship, so idk what the heck the nosey friends want.

Frankly I'd tell them to mind themselves. They don't need to know what you do it doesn't add value into anyone's lives for anyone to know about what you two do.

[Chaos42]

Well, if you like her and she likes you, and you are in a relationship, what more label do you need? If people ask I would tell them that you are going out, that you are together, however you want to put it. If you want to be more definitive than that, you really need to talk it out, no matter how awkward it is, to avoid future awkwardness. I would say do this by hanging out with her outside of school (which is very important that you start doing if you want a more serious or more well defined relationship) and just tell her that both of your friends keep asking for a "label" and you were wondering if it would be okay to call her your "girlfriend" (if this is what you want to do). Mostly, just clear things up with her first, then worry about what to tell all of your friends, because as long as you are happy, its not really important if there is a "label" on it or not. Some of the best feelings come undefined.

Thanks for the response. It's actually her friends that are asking for a label, not mine. I don't know what she's told her friends; we've never really talked about a label, so I don't know whether to consider us "in a relationship."
Ive never done this before, and neither has she. I guess what I'm asking is, what comes next? How should we proceed?

[FreeFall]

What do you mean what comes next?
You go on dates with her, spend time with each other, and be very open with each other.

You proceed how the relationship proceeds. You'll know when you're both ready for kissing, hand holding, pda, etc.

[anyone50]

It sounds like you and her are happy with what you have together and it's all her friends thatwant to know where you guys are in the relationship. You said it at the end of your post "I'd really like to keep what we've got" and as long as she's happy with that your problem is solved or better yet you don't have a problem. Every couple in a relationship has very different dynamics. and sounds like you guys are a match so don't let friends influence your relationship. take it at your own pace and follow her lead

[December]

If you asked her out, I would definitely say that you are in a relationship with her. I mean, that is the definition of going out with someone. And it is okay to be unsure about it as well, as far as not knowing what to do next goes. I'd say the first step is to start hanging out with her outside of school. And this doesn't mean you have to hang out alone with her at first either, if you have mutual friends or are friends with another couple, you could hang out in a big group or try double dating, as this will likely eliminate any initial awkwardness. Then you could hang out with her alone or whatever too. The relationship will probably define its own pace, but definitely be sure to listen to her and make sure that she is not uncomfortable with it if she is also unsure about things. You all are just starting out, so it is okay to feel as you're feeling, as long as you don't ignore things that could potentially become a problem later. Just move at a pace that both of you are comfortable with and the rest will follow.

Most importantly, be sure to spend time with her in person and outside of school, I cannot stress enough how important this is if you want to get to know her better and have a healthy, long lasting relationship.